Archive for the ‘Questions’ Category

The Unbearable Lightness Of Wednesday One-Liners

Rastafarian man to white basketball female player with dreads: Hey! Why you white people always trying to look like me!

–Union Square

Black guy selling Empire State Building tickets: You're from Scotland? I love the Scots… They're puuuuuuurrreee white!

–Outside Empire State Building

Black woman to another, about frat guys nearby: Man, white people are so loud.

–109th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Becks

Black hobo to white teen: Get out of this neighborhood with your white crotch! You don't belong here!

–Upper West Side

Black woman to cops walking away: But I'm a Caucasian!

–Bed-Stuy

The Pitter-Patter of Tiny Wednesday One-Liners

Young boy: Fuck school! When I’m old enough, I’m just going to stay home and make babies.

–1 Train

College professor: Everything that is wrong in this world can be traced back to babies.

–40th & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Just Trying to Smoke in Peace

Girl on phone: I’m going to have to cancel for a few different reasons. First, the baby hasn’t gotten all her shots. And more importantly, there’s something pecking through my wall! I’m really freaked out!

–Bleecker and Lafayette

Woman with three kids, after watching the eldest push the middle to the ground: What are you pushing him down for? Are you trying to upset my stomach so I lose this baby inside me?

–St Marks Place, Staten Island

Girl on cell: Well if she likes to have babies so much, why don’t she just be a … doctor!

–52nd & 7th

Professor: 42-year-old babies don’t have bones.

–Schenectady County Community College

What Happens When You Use the TV As a Babysitter: A Simulation

Skinny girl: I'm sorry you have to go through this.
Sobbing girl: I just…I just hope he's going to… be okay.
Skinny girl: Do you think that maybe you want to go and compose yourself in the office?
Sobbing girl: I was just… there. And I would… but the candy… sucks.
Skinny girl: I'll… I'll give you my last Mentos.
Sobbing girl: The Freshmaker?

–The Met

How Much Is That Wednesday One-Liner in the Window?

Man eating brunch to male friend: We both came out seven years ago. We are puppy gay in dog years.

–Big Daddy’s Diner

Overheard by: Morgan

Very loving mom talking to daughter about her son: Hey! He is not an animal, he is not a dog. Well, at least not today!

–Hell’s Kitchen

Outraged woman to man: What? No! Do not put the dog in the furnace, Ted!

–Court Street

Chick with cigarette, on cell: … Leathery fetish dog-masks, or just Halloween style dog-masks?

–Outside Tagine, 40th & 9th

Overheard by: Ladle

Philosophical suit: The only reason I haven’t divorced my wife is because of the dog.

–Upper East Side