Archive for the ‘Questions’ Category

Antarc­ti­ca Does­n’t Look a Day Over a Bil­lion

Girl #1, hold­ing bot­tle of wa­ter: Do you think this wa­ter is bad?
Girl #2: How long have you had it for?
Girl #1: I don’t know, I found it in my freez­er.
Girl #2: No, it’s prob­a­bly good, freez­ing things keep them fresh.

–9th St & Ave A

Head­line by: Nick Pol­lot­ta

Run­ners-Up:
· “.… Ac­cord­ing to the Jef­frey Dah­mer Cook­book” — the amoe­ba
· “As I Learned at Grave-Dig­ging Camp” — Muse on the Loose
· “But Just to Be Safe, I Would Boil It” — Max Mil­lion
· “Every Night I Put My Pussy on Ice” — Dick­inthe­Han­dis­WorthT­woBush­es
· “Just Ask Walt Dis­ney’s Head” — Pe­terG
· “Just Look What It Does for Nip­ples!” — Nick Pol­lot­ta
· “Wa­ter, Sperm, Hu­man Hearts…” — loves fresh sperm, per­son­al­ly

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

Wednes­day, with a One-Lin­er Chas­er

Fe­male day-drink­ing tourist: Oh shit, I left my vod­ka in the church!

–Out­side Trin­i­ty Church

Man on cell: If it’s pos­si­ble to fer­ment it, we have fer­ment­ed it.

–7th St b/w 2nd & 3rd Ave

Mid­dle-aged man to younger man: You know how cats and dogs–they eat and then they go? In one end and out the oth­er. I’m like that. My blad­der has room for the equiv­a­lent of one good cock­tail.

–10th Ave and W 50th St

Over­heard by: Ah.…middle age

Com­muter at 8 am: Beer. Beer.

–Grand Cen­tral

Over­heard by: ba­con­ista

Old drunk walk­ing in­to a liquor store, to clerk: Have you got my pre­scrip­tion?

–Broad­way & 106th St

Over­heard by: rick­bruner

And the Gyp­sies Just Aren’t Nab­bing Them Like They Used to

Flus­tered woman, about her brood: Have we lost any­one yet?
Hus­band: Um­mm… No.
Flus­tered woman: Well, who are we go­ing to lose first? Be­cause we haven’t lost any­one yet.

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Josh

Head­line by: Aeirlys

Run­ners-Up:
· “Be­cause Abor­tion THIS Late in the Term Is Just Tacky” — Hillary Claire
· “Ho­bos Aren’t Born. They’re Made.” — Kriszti­na
· “It Looked So Much Eas­i­er in Home Alone” — You Don’t Want To Know
· “Things Were Shaky Un­til Fraulein Maria Came Along” — al­li­son
· “Two Roads Di­verged in the Woods — I Chose the One My Chil­dren Could­n’t Trav­el” — Drewp

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test