Archive for the ‘Questions’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Car­ry­ing Low

Guy: I had to yell at her and tell her that she could­n’t be preg­nant — I mean, dude, that was last week.

–St. Marks & 3rd Ave

Preg­gers to male friend: And that ass­hole came up and body-slammed me on the train plat­form! Of course, every­one was look­ing at me like I’m the an­i­mal. How can you body-slam a woman who’s sev­en months preg­nant and not feel bad?

–D train

Over­heard by: Jan­nine Ram­lochan

Preg­gers to la­dy push­ing to get to cup­cake ta­ble: La­dy, I am four months preg­nant. Get­ting be­tween me and those cup­cakes is a re­al­ly, re­al­ly good way to lose an arm.

–Mag­no­lia Bak­ery

Snot­ty ac­tress: Oh my gosh, she is such a good writer for my act­ing type. Her script is so like, like — preg­nant with promise.

–14th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Emil­ia

Girl on phone: No, I can’t have sex with you. Be­cause then if I got preg­nant I’d have to be like, ‘Whose ba­by is it? Well, let’s see — is it black, white, brown…?’

–Grand Cen­tral Sta­tion

British moth­er to young son: Do you know what I had to eat when I was preg­nant with you, Bill? Buns! Buns! Buns! Buns! That’s why you’re mad about buns. [To daugh­ter] And that’s why you like brown things.

–Var­ick & King St

Young woman to friends: And she keeps get­ting preg­nant, and I’m like, ‘Stop it, woman!’

–Co­lum­bia cam­pus

Over­heard by: Ch­eney

“Fuck Your Moth­er” Is Prac­ti­cal­ly a Good-Guy Mantra

Young thug #1: Every­one is get­ting tat­toos! Every­one!
Young thug #2: Like who?
Young thug #1: Dave. He just got an­oth­er tat. I want a tat!
Young thug #2: So, why don’t you get one?
Young thug #1: I can’t… (whis­pers) My mom won’t let me.
Young thug #2: Shit, nig­ga, fuck your moth­er. You can get a tat and be a good guy. I’m a good guy. My record is sealed!

–Deli, Park Slope