Archive for the ‘Race’ Category

The Joy Luck Wednesday One-Liners

20-something guy on cell: I'm sure she wants to castrate me. (pause) Remember her Asian friend, well… (pause) Yeah, I hit that. (pause, then uncontrollable laugh) I gots the yellow fever!

–59th St & 11th

Chinese brother to sister: All Asians get off at this stop. (looking out window) See? They're all Asian. (pause) Oh, wait, there's one English guy.

–Grand Street Stop, D Train

Overheard by: Justin W

Asian girl on cell: You know how people say all Asians look the same? Well, I realized something today. All white people look the same to me–I honestly can't tell them apart!

–Port Authority

20-something Asian girl on cell, in perfect American English: So, I just got welcomed to America for the second time today. Are my clothes that… (with disgust) Asian?

–Metro-North

Overheard by: RedShikari

Wednesday One-Liners Enjoy Team Sports

20-something guy on BlackBerry: No, he's not gay. I was in a fivesome with him, but he's not gay.

–L Train

Girl to gay friend after walking into gay bar: Dude, either find me a straight boy or two Asians that will let me watch.

–NYC

Girl to guy friends: I mean, he's okay he had the threesome–the guy was his best friend!

–8th St & 5th Ave

Angry woman on phone: While you're out having orgies I am doing the real work!

–Victorian Flatbush

Pretentious professor type in academic tone: My ex had unrealistic fantasies. She used to dream about being fucked by God and Satan and the same time. How could I live up to that?

–NYU

Médico Strangelove, Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bong

Teen girl: Yeah, everyone says I’m really bohemian.
Teen guy: Wait, I thought you were Mexican.

–N train
Headline by: Hawley Smoot

Runners-Up:
· “Are you poor or just pretending to be poor?” – Eli!
· “Because Of The Whole ‘Dirty Sanchez’ Thing, Right?” – Bored Beyond Belief
· “Bohemia: Czechs think it’s a Kingdom, Mexicans think it’s a beer. Our scientists have traced this rift in Space-Time to a New York N-Train.” – Hawley Smoot
· “Breaking News: Uptown Lawmakers Unanimously Decide to Build Twenty-Foot-Tall Fence Along 14th St.” – Alex
· “Either way, the Republicans will want to deport her” – Russ Wall
· “Galileo! Galileo! Galileo! Figaro! Mexico!” – aileron
· “Mary Kate and Ashley overset the Tanning bed clock” – jojo
· “No I said I want to BE in Rent, not I can’t PAY my rent” – Riley Ray
· “Poncho Profiling” – Kaleena
· “Rhapsody in Brown” – hawaiianinny
· “The venn diagram just looks like one circle.” – Duckbill Oedipus
· “Understandable, since she smokes clove cigarettes outside of Chipotle on St. Mark’s” – chris
· “We use Pinatas to hide our weed” – Fudgie D Whale
· “Yes, I’m half Czech, but you’re all conformist.” – eyp

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

WEDNESDAY ONE-LINERS

Cab driver: Jersey, Jersey! What are you doing in New York? Do we go to Jersey? No!…unless we have to go to the Great Adventure.

–Taxi, 23rd & 7th

NY Post guy: Extra! Extra! Read all about it…Charlie Tuna, he’s dead! The Gorton’s Fisherman, he died too. Read it all today!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Allison

Barker: Tonight only! Special deal! A free game for White people! All Caucasians, one free game!

–Coney Island

Overheard by: Drew

Black guy: ’bout time y’all write tickets downtown. I thought y’all only did that shit up in Harlem!

–4th & Bowery

Overheard by: Emily McCombs

Cabbie: …and those Asians, they are the worst of all. They can’t see. They have no peripheral vision. They’ve got rice in their eyes!

–Taxi, Sullivan Street

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