Guy #1: I typed “gentrification” on Google Images and I got titties.
Guy #2: Man, you can type in anything and get titties.
–Bushwick
Archive for the ‘Rack’ Category
I’m Glad We Had This Little Talk
12-year-old girl #1: Do you even like boys?
12-year-old girl #2: Yeah, I do!
12-year-old girl #1: Sure… You like them boys who be wearin’ all light colors, walkin’ around like, ‘How you doooin’? I’ma braid your hair!’
12-year-old girl #2: What? No. I like boys, I don’t like titties.
12-year-old girl #1, after a pause: Some boys be havin’ titties, though.
12-year-old girl #2: Word.
–Graham & Metropolitan, Brooklyn
Overheard by: amused in the bus stop
Now Get Back Up on That Horse
Blonde: My boobs shrunk ever since I got that abortion.
Brunette: No, they still look good.
–Restroom, Crobar
We Can Spot Fake Wednesday One-Liners a Mile Away
Exasperated woman on phone: It's a phone interview! What does it matter what type of boobs I have?
–Office Building, 32nd & 7th
Overheard by: erkala
Girl, after guy accidentally hit her boob: Ow! You should be squeezing them, not hitting them!
–Toys R' Us, Times Square
Overheard by: Lotte
Upper West Side girl to friend: I hate that my boobs are so big! It completely ruins that skirt for me.
–Canal Street
Hobo: But I don't want to love my breasts!
–Ave B
Man on cell: So you're coming to New York? That's good. I called your mother, she said you're staying with some girl with big tits tonight.
–West 4th Street
Guy to another, while at lunch: I don't care if you think I live too fast and I'll be dead at 45. At least I'll die with a tittie in my mouth!
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: sal b
Poetry in Motion
Girl: I love watching people on subways.
Guy: I know, right? I like making short poems 'bout them, too. (points discretely at JAP across subway car) “Slutty white girl looks around train. Adjusts boobs. Looks around again.”
–1 Train
Introducing, Jessica Simpson's Next Commercial Venture
Girl #1: She's trying to wear all those low-cut shirts.
Girl #2: Yeah, with all the pimples on her chest that shit is nasty.
Girl #1: Yeah, I know, right? She needs some Proactive for her titties or something.
–B6 Bus
Hey, Wednesday, Your One-Liner Is Showing!
Middle-aged woman, angrily on cell: You tell him to go outside right now, and take his clothes off!
–32nd St & Park Ave
Overheard by: djlori
Girl to friend: All of a sudden there's a naked man! Like, this doesn't translate well visually.
–Uptown 1 Train
Suit on cell: How about I send you two naked kids to have a good time? Fair enough?
–60th St & Columbus Ave
Overheard by: Stacey V
Girl on phone: Topless anarchy is still anarchy, man.
–5 Train
Short dude to friend: I woke up naked and wrapped in cellophane–again!
–Columbia University
Then By the Power Vested in Me, I Now Pronounce Us Husband and Wife
Flirtatious girl, about photo in fashion magazine: Do you think she's hot?
Embarrassed boy: She's quite attractive.
Flirtatious girl: Do you like her tits?
Embarrassed boy: Turn the page, please.
Flirtatious girl: Would you bang her?
Embarrassed boy: I would.
–Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Sunny
Barbara Bush Is So Fucking Self-righteous
Little girl seeing naked cowgirl: Mommy, how come I can see that lady’s boobies?
Mommy: Well, she’s letting everybody know it’s okay to breast feed.
–46th & Broadway
Overheard by: Chadwick Vogel
Headline by: mbobbinson
Runners-Up:
· “…for Tips” – Melissa
· “And Why Did Daddy Just Walk Into a Pole?” – TJ
· “Her Thong Lets Everyone Know Tips Are Appreciated” – Dangello
· “How Come I Can See Her Vagina?” – Peter Madsen
· “Later, She’ll Ride the Mechanical Bull and Serve Us Milkshakes” – Dawn Elizabeth
I Love Them As Though They Were My Natural Breasts
Loud chick #1: So, they instituted a dress code for the entire office because, like, one woman walks around with these low-cut blouses with her girls out.
Loud chick #2: Are yours girls? Mine are boys. One’s named Lou* and the other’s named Stan*.
–A train
Overheard by: aja