Archive for the ‘Rack’ Category

We Can Spot Fake Wednes­day One-Lin­ers a Mile Away

Ex­as­per­at­ed woman on phone: It’s a phone in­ter­view! What does it mat­ter what type of boobs I have?

–Of­fice Build­ing, 32nd & 7th

Over­heard by: erkala

Girl, af­ter guy ac­ci­den­tal­ly hit her boob: Ow! You should be squeez­ing them, not hit­ting them!

–Toys R’ Us, Times Square

Over­heard by: Lotte

Up­per West Side girl to friend: I hate that my boobs are so big! It com­plete­ly ru­ins that skirt for me.

–Canal Street

Hobo: But I don’t want to love my breasts!

–Ave B

Man on cell: So you’re com­ing to New York? That’s good. I called your moth­er, she said you’re stay­ing with some girl with big tits tonight.

–West 4th Street

Guy to an­oth­er, while at lunch: I don’t care if you think I live too fast and I’ll be dead at 45. At least I’ll die with a tit­tie in my mouth!

–Bryant Park

Over­heard by: sal b

Hey, Wednes­day, Your One-Lin­er Is Show­ing!

Mid­dle-aged woman, an­gri­ly on cell: You tell him to go out­side right now, and take his clothes off!

–32nd St & Park Ave

Over­heard by: djlori

Girl to friend: All of a sud­den there’s a naked man! Like, this does­n’t trans­late well vi­su­al­ly.

–Up­town 1 Train

Suit on cell: How about I send you two naked kids to have a good time? Fair enough?

–60th St & Colum­bus Ave

Over­heard by: Stacey V

Girl on phone: Top­less an­ar­chy is still an­ar­chy, man.

–5 Train

Short dude to friend: I woke up naked and wrapped in cellophane–again!

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Then By the Pow­er Vest­ed in Me, I Now Pro­nounce Us Hus­band and Wife

Flir­ta­tious girl, about pho­to in fash­ion mag­a­zine: Do you think she’s hot?
Em­bar­rassed boy: She’s quite at­trac­tive.
Flir­ta­tious girl: Do you like her tits?
Em­bar­rassed boy: Turn the page, please.
Flir­ta­tious girl: Would you bang her?
Em­bar­rassed boy: I would.

–Lin­coln Cen­ter

Over­heard by: Sun­ny

Bar­bara Bush Is So Fuck­ing Self-right­eous

Lit­tle girl see­ing naked cow­girl: Mom­my, how come I can see that la­dy’s boo­bies?
Mom­my: Well, she’s let­ting every­body know it’s okay to breast feed.

–46th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Chad­wick Vo­gel

Head­line by: mbob­bin­son

· “…for Tips” — Melis­sa
· “And Why Did Dad­dy Just Walk In­to a Pole?” — TJ
· “Her Thong Lets Every­one Know Tips Are Ap­pre­ci­at­ed” — Dan­gel­lo
· “How Come I Can See Her Vagi­na?” — Pe­ter Mad­sen
· “Lat­er, She’ll Ride the Me­chan­i­cal Bull and Serve Us Milk­shakes” — Dawn Eliz­a­beth

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

With­out Pol­i­tics, There’d Be a Lot More Switch-Hit­ting

Queer: I should have got­ten her num­ber for you, but at the bar last night this woman walked in… She was se­ri­ous­ly hot. Like, se­ri­ous­ly. And I’m pret­ty sure the breasts were re­al.
Friend: But you’re gay.
Queer: Yeah, but I would have con­sid­ered go­ing straight for her. That’s how hot she was.


Over­heard by: Eliz­a­beth

Wednes­day’s Gonna Have a Lit­tle One-Lin­er

An­gry frat boy: Oh, so now I’m the bad guy? Let’s talk about you and your ir­ra­tional preg­nan­cy!

–Grand Cen­tral

Tween to friends: So, do you think I should get an abor­tion? I mean, I’m not even preg­nant!

–TGI Fri­days

Over­heard by: Sara

Gig­gling chick: When you get preg­nant, the on­ly things that swell are your breasts!

–8th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Han­nah

Fe­male se­cu­ri­ty guard to friend: I don’t think I’m preg­nant. There’s no way I can be preg­nant, be­cause I was on­ly hav­ing light sex.

–Du­ane Reade, 23rd & 6th

Over­heard by: jmike

Hap­py la­dy on cell: Guess what?! I’m preg­nant! Yes, with a ba­by this time!

–96th St sta­tion

Over­heard by: Kind of Con­fused

20-some­thing chick: If I get preg­nant, I am so su­ing Fresh Di­rect.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Wild Dog Boy

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Suit Up

Suit on cell: I ex­pect­ed pus, but it’s got lit­tle black specks in it.

–Pel­ham Bay Park, the Bronx

Over­heard by: HelenA.Handbasket

Suit: When I said “fairy tale” I meant like Moth­er Goose–not Miss Dirty Mar­ti­ni!

–F train

Over­heard by: brain­curve

Suit #1 to suit #2: Oh sure, I’ve got a source. I can get you a kid­ney, no prob­lem.

–Madi­son Square Park

Fe­male suit on cell: I don’t think you’re hear­ing what I’m say­ing. I think you’re in a very nag­ging place right now.

–Du­ane & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Rich Mintz

Mid­dle-Aged suit: Boo­bies boo­bies boo­bies. Boo­bies boo­bies boo­bies…

–41st & 8th

Suit on cell: So there’s gonna be to­tal chaos on Sep­tem­ber 14th, but that’s all we have planned so far.

–Church St

Over­heard by: Dara

Suit: My goal in life is to one day sue some­one.

–A train

Over­heard by: LSB