Overheard In New York

Archive for the ‘Rape’ Category

The Au Jus Of Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

11 year-old boy throw­ing wa­ter bal­loon back and forth: It’s like a hy­men, per­fect­ly in­tact af­ter a mi­nor rape! (bal­loon is thrown to him and bursts all over him) Oh, sweet hy­men juices!

–Tomp­kins Square Park

Eight-year-old boy to an­oth­er: God, just drink your spit!

–90th St & 2nd Ave

Drunk hobo with hand-down pants: I’m not go­ing to ejac­u­late! (re­peats it over and over)

–D Train

Over­heard by: seat chang­er

Blind woman to blind friend: Sweaty peo­ple suck.

–W 23rd Street

Over­heard by: Cool and Dry

Lit­tle girl: I don’t like boys! They’re mean and they sweat a lot!

–2nd & Ave A

Young girl to boy: Ewwww, I’m drip­ping cum!

–Hes­ter & Allen

Over­heard by: low­er east side

Sylvia Had­n’t Re­al­ized They Were off Stat­en Is­land.

Suit, tap­ping singing girl on the shoul­der: You sing won­der­ful­ly.
Girl: Thank you very much.
Suit: Yeah, by “won­der­ful­ly” I mean it sounds like a cat get­ting ass raped by a don­key. So I am sure that every­one else would ap­pre­ci­ate you not do­ing that any­more as it is on­ly 6 am.
(pas­sen­gers clap)

–Stat­en Is­land Fer­ry Ter­mi­nal

Six Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Un­der

Girl on phone: Did he ac­tu­al­ly try to kill you, or is this like the time at the su­per­mar­ket when you thought the cashier was com­ing on­to you be­cause he touched your hand giv­ing you change?

–Time Square

HR per­son: I don’t want to whack her un­til I have to. But I prob­a­bly will.

–Broad­way

Lit­tle boy to mom: Mom­my, what does it feel like to die?

–7th & Car­roll, Park Slope

Well-dressed man on cell: I know, we need to make sure that none of them live.

–8th St & Broad­way

Sev­en-year-old girl to mom, af­ter be­ing scold­ed: I’m go­ing to kill you.

–4 Train

Long Is­land woman: Well, sure, it’s a great place if you want to be raped and mur­dered every day.

–LIRR

Over­heard by: Cori

I Like It Bet­ter When They Talk About Star­bucks

Guy on cell: OK, well, be safe. If you get raped make sure he wears a con­dom.

–Williams­burg

Over­heard by: Daniel

Girl: Don’t let me talk to boys af­ter I take blue pills.

–31st & 2nd

Girl #1: Some­times he like to rape my ass.
Girl #2: Ew! Hee hee.

–out­side The Brook­lyn Mu­se­um

Over­heard by: Josh Neufeld

Girl #1: Well, she was raped.
Girl #2: I was­n’t re­al­ly raped.

–Ver­ti­go, 26th & 3rd

Yup­pie chick #1: Sweet­ie, you’re go­ing to get raped dressed like that.
Yup­pie chick #2: No. I have an um­brel­la.

–De­lancey & Allen

Over­heard by: Mitchell Linet­ti