Drunk, creepy guy #1: She’s always telling us about our flaws, and why she won’t get with us, but she won’t listen to us tell her about her flaws!
Drunk, creepy guy #2, burning his hand with a lighter: Yeah, she probably acts the way she does because she was raped, but she’s like “I don’t want to talk about it!”
–1 train
11 year-old boy throwing water balloon back and forth: It’s like a hymen, perfectly intact after a minor rape! (balloon is thrown to him and bursts all over him) Oh, sweet hymen juices!
–Tompkins Square Park
Eight-year-old boy to another: God, just drink your spit!
–90th St & 2nd Ave
Drunk hobo with hand-down pants: I’m not going to ejaculate! (repeats it over and over)
–D Train
Overheard by: seat changer
Blind woman to blind friend: Sweaty people suck.
–W 23rd Street
Overheard by: Cool and Dry
Little girl: I don’t like boys! They’re mean and they sweat a lot!
–2nd & Ave A
Young girl to boy: Ewwww, I’m dripping cum!
–Hester & Allen
Overheard by: lower east side
Suit, tapping singing girl on the shoulder: You sing wonderfully.
Girl: Thank you very much.
Suit: Yeah, by “wonderfully” I mean it sounds like a cat getting ass raped by a donkey. So I am sure that everyone else would appreciate you not doing that anymore as it is only 6 am.
(passengers clap)
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Two skateboard guys make as much noise as possible to get a chick’s attention. She doesn’t take the bait.
Skateboy #1: Whatever! Forget her!
Skateboy #2: Hey, baby!
She turns.
Skateboy #2: Let’s not make this into a rape thing, y’know?
–142nd & Convent
Barefoot hobo grabbing tourist by shoulders: Gimme your shoes, nigga!
Blonde tourist #1: Take my McDonald’s! Don’t rape me!
Blonde tourist #2: Rape her! She’s prettier than me!
–15th & 5th, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Julieee
Suit #1: Dude, admit it: you want to go to Dorian’s.
Suit #2: No, I don’t.
Suit #1: Yes, you do. Admit it.
Suit #2: Dude, no! I want to talk to chicks, not rape them.
–Tortilla Flats, Washington Street
Overheard by: Initials
Wife, playing Uno: Skip, skip, skip, skip, wild card, draw four, blue, draw two, uno, I win.
Husband: Wow. I’m bleeding.
Wife: I hope it’s from the ass, because that’s where I just raped you.
Husband: God, I love you.
–Central Park
Teen #1: So, the age of consent in New York is 17, right?
Teen #2: What if you were born in, like, New York City, but you got raped somewhere that the age of consent is lower… [lowers voice drastically]… like New Jersey?
Teen #3: I don’t think there’s an age of consent for rape…
–Battery Park
Overheard by: drmario
Girl on phone: Did he actually try to kill you, or is this like the time at the supermarket when you thought the cashier was coming onto you because he touched your hand giving you change?
–Time Square
HR person: I don’t want to whack her until I have to. But I probably will.
–Broadway
Little boy to mom: Mommy, what does it feel like to die?
–7th & Carroll, Park Slope
Well-dressed man on cell: I know, we need to make sure that none of them live.
–8th St & Broadway
Seven-year-old girl to mom, after being scolded: I’m going to kill you.
–4 Train
Long Island woman: Well, sure, it’s a great place if you want to be raped and murdered every day.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Cori
Guy on cell: OK, well, be safe. If you get raped make sure he wears a condom.
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: Daniel
Girl: Don’t let me talk to boys after I take blue pills.
–31st & 2nd
Girl #1: Sometimes he like to rape my ass.
Girl #2: Ew! Hee hee.
–outside The Brooklyn Museum
Overheard by: Josh Neufeld
Girl #1: Well, she was raped.
Girl #2: I wasn’t really raped.
–Vertigo, 26th & 3rd
Yuppie chick #1: Sweetie, you’re going to get raped dressed like that.
Yuppie chick #2: No. I have an umbrella.
–Delancey & Allen
Overheard by: Mitchell Linetti
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
