Archive for the ‘Real Estate’ Category

Hobos Just Can’t Close

Realtor guy:…and the area is really gentrifying quite nicely…very safe. The people from the projects never come over to this side of the neighborhood, so it’s a great place to raise a family.

Homeless passerby pushing a wheelbarrow full of junk: Could you folks help me out with some money to buy food? Give me money. I haven’t eaten in three days.

Realtor guy: Sorry, I… I work on commission. [To his clients] This happens even in Cobble Hill.

The husband and wife walk towards their car.

Homeless guy: Come on man, I’m hungry!

Realtor guy: Fuck you, you just cost me a commission!

–Dwight & Dikeman, Red Hook

Overheard by: Paul J. Pinizzotto

The Brownshirts Bug Everyone

Guy #1: …he always wears the cheapest clothes but always has the most expensive sneakers!
Guy #2: Yo, white people bug me. They always wear crappy clothes, they be wearing green shirts, brown shirts…
Girl: But they always have nice cars, houses, they go on nice vacations. I’d rather wear cheap clothes and have a nice house and go on nice vacations.
Guy #1: You’re missing the point!

–N train

Overheard by: tanechka 

I Wonder If Suit Needs a Hag

Girl #1: So yeah, it was really cold out there, and he had to keep
building fires cause they had no heat.
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Yeah, and also they had to keep this tea kettle on top of the
fireplace so it wouldn’t get dry.
Girl #2: What? Who lives like that?
Girl #1: What? They live in the country.
Girl #2: Yeah, but they had to like, chop wood. Who lives like that? I have heat.
Girl #1: Yeah, that’s ’cause you live on the Upper East Side.

–Columbia University

He Also Eats More Than They Do

PR girl #1: I love your outfit today!
PR girl #2: You know, I was walking down the street, and this homeless man in a box told me that “Purple is the color of royalty.”
PR girl #1: Don’t joke about that. I could be joining him, if my apartment doesn’t come through.
PR girl #2: At least he lives in Manhattan.

–Office, 53rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Roger Resnicoff 

He Was Distributed All Over the Tarmac

Chick #1: So, that girl from Japan is paying double rent, right? $1600 on her apartment here, and $1800 on the other apartment where she was living. I asked her how she could afford both places and she told me that her Mom and her sister died in a plane crash.
Chick #2: Holy shit! Which plane crash?
Chick #1: I don’t know, one in Japan.
Chick #2: So she’s rich now, right?
Chick #3: That’s how my friend moved to Miami.