Archive for the ‘Rednecks’ Category

… And Pa­tron­ize Our Ven­dors

A tourist mom with three teens in tow halts in the mid­dle of the block, caus­ing two suits and sev­er­al oth­er peo­ple to crash in­to them.

Suit #1: For the love of God, move, you id­iots! There are peo­ple walk­ing be­hind you!
Tourist mom: You don’t have to be so rude!
Suit #2: He’s rude? You clear­ly see this is a busy side­walk, and yet you stop dead in the mid­dle and block all traf­fic!
Tourist mom: He did­n’t have to say it so rude — we are not from around here!
Suit #1: And does that some­how ex­cuse your be­ing id­iots and stop­ping in the mid­dle of a busy street?
Tourist mom: At least we are not so rude in Ten­nessee!
Suit #2: That ex­plains the id­io­cy, but it still is­n’t an ex­cuse.
Tourist mom: That was un­nec­es­sary!
Suit #1: Per­haps, but it’s true.
Suit #2: Here, maybe this is more po­lite: Wel­come to New York. Slow walk­ing id­iots prone to stop­ping for no rea­son stay to the fuck­ing right of busy side­walks, and don’t get in the way of the non-men­tal­ly im­paired lo­cals. Now fuck off.

–50th & 6th

Peo­ple for the Eth­i­cal Treat­ment Of Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Girl to guy: I don’t think that ham­sters re­spond to you as much as, like, a guinea pig does.

–Bank St. & Green­wich St.

Over­heard by: Katie Com­pa

Crazy red­neck-look­ing guy to PE­TA cir­cus pro­test­er: They’re gonna do to us what they did to the li­ons! We’ll be put in con­cen­tra­tion camps!

–Madi­son Square Gar­den

Over­heard by: San­ti­a­go and Catie

Guy: And she can ride him like a horse!

–W 103rd St

Gray­ing Brook­lyn guy to an­oth­er: You know, the on­ly thing I haven’t seen is a bob­cat.

–7th Ave & 4th St, Brook­lyn

Un­der­class­man to an­oth­er: Lizards can’t im­preg­nate any­one. They don’t even have penis­es.

–Townsend Har­ris High School

Over­heard by: amused

Drunk man in tiger cos­tume to Mc­Don­ald’s work­er: There’s an es­caped zoo an­i­mal and he wants to eat your pussy. Stop serv­ing your food and hide! (then steals bowl of jams used for break­fast menu)

–Mc­Don­ald’s

Bow, a Beer, a Red­neck Beer; Ray, Your In­cest-Be­got­ten Son…

Hick tourist #1: Why don’t we get off at the next stop… Bow Ray? Bow Ray?
Hick tourist #2: Bow­ery.

–Brook­lyn-bound J train, ap­proach­ing Canal St

Over­heard by: there’s no e in tra­cy

Head­line by: Jat­mos

Run­ners-Up:

· “1 child left be­hind” — Reekuh­h­hh!

· “And ‘So­Ho’ Has a Whole Oth­er Mean­ing Once You’ve Crossed the Ma­son-Dixon” — juli­etaro­ja

· “From the peo­ple who brought you nuc-u-lar” — Kriszti­na

· “Hicked on Phon­ics did not work at all” — Darvio Har­vo

· “If at first you don’t suc­ceed, try the ex­act same thing again” — Nathan Lo­gan

· “It’s nev­er too ear­ly for a Steve Ir­win joke.” — haupt­man

· “Same sit­u­a­tion, but the passer­by would call them “Cle­tus”” — Julie

· “They should prob­a­bly take off those white hoods be­fore step­ping foot in the po­et­ry club.” — er­ak

· “Toma­to, to­mater” — Lennyb

· “That sounds kin­da gay, Cle­tus.” — Rich An­der­son

· “Why did­n’t we let them se­cede again?” — Nathaniel


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