Archive for the ‘Rednecks’ Category

… And Patronize Our Vendors

A tourist mom with three teens in tow halts in the middle of the block, causing two suits and several other people to crash into them.

Suit #1: For the love of God, move, you idiots! There are people walking behind you!
Tourist mom: You don’t have to be so rude!
Suit #2: He’s rude? You clearly see this is a busy sidewalk, and yet you stop dead in the middle and block all traffic!
Tourist mom: He didn’t have to say it so rude — we are not from around here!
Suit #1: And does that somehow excuse your being idiots and stopping in the middle of a busy street?
Tourist mom: At least we are not so rude in Tennessee!
Suit #2: That explains the idiocy, but it still isn’t an excuse.
Tourist mom: That was unnecessary!
Suit #1: Perhaps, but it’s true.
Suit #2: Here, maybe this is more polite: Welcome to New York. Slow walking idiots prone to stopping for no reason stay to the fucking right of busy sidewalks, and don’t get in the way of the non-mentally impaired locals. Now fuck off.

–50th & 6th

People for the Ethical Treatment Of Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to guy: I don't think that hamsters respond to you as much as, like, a guinea pig does.

–Bank St. & Greenwich St.

Overheard by: Katie Compa

Crazy redneck-looking guy to PETA circus protester: They're gonna do to us what they did to the lions! We'll be put in concentration camps!

–Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Santiago and Catie

Guy: And she can ride him like a horse!

–W 103rd St

Graying Brooklyn guy to another: You know, the only thing I haven't seen is a bobcat.

–7th Ave & 4th St, Brooklyn

Underclassman to another: Lizards can't impregnate anyone. They don't even have penises.

–Townsend Harris High School

Overheard by: amused

Drunk man in tiger costume to McDonald's worker: There's an escaped zoo animal and he wants to eat your pussy. Stop serving your food and hide! (then steals bowl of jams used for breakfast menu)

–McDonald's

Bow, a Beer, a Redneck Beer; Ray, Your Incest-Begotten Son…

Hick tourist #1: Why don’t we get off at the next stop… Bow Ray? Bow Ray?
Hick tourist #2: Bowery.

–Brooklyn-bound J train, approaching Canal St

Overheard by: there’s no e in tracy

Headline by: Jatmos

Runners-Up:

· “1 child left behind” – Reekuhhhh!

· “And ‘SoHo’ Has a Whole Other Meaning Once You’ve Crossed the Mason-Dixon” – julietaroja

· “From the people who brought you nuc-u-lar” – Krisztina

· “Hicked on Phonics did not work at all” – Darvio Harvo

· “If at first you don’t succeed, try the exact same thing again” – Nathan Logan

· “It’s never too early for a Steve Irwin joke.” – hauptman

· “Same situation, but the passerby would call them “Cletus”” – Julie

· “They should probably take off those white hoods before stepping foot in the poetry club.” – erak

· “Tomato, tomater” – Lennyb

· “That sounds kinda gay, Cletus.” – Rich Anderson

· “Why didn’t we let them secede again?” – Nathaniel


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