Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Did Coke in the ’80s

Young lady yuppie on cell: It is a perfectly normal fear to be afraid of bubbles!

–83rd & Broadway

Overheard by: KS

Yuppie chick holding hands with yuppie boyfriend: Penis, penis, penis, penis.

–Astor Place

Overheard by: sarah

Yuppie chick on cell: The thing about my ex is it’s, like, the story of ‘If you give a mouse a fucking cookie, I mean, eventually he’ll want to climb into bed with you and have you read him a fucking bedtime story.’

–Rector St

Yuppie: Let’s go find my ex-fiance and beat her up.

–46th & 8th

The Island of Dr. Wednesday One-Liners

Man on cell: Was there a lot of bleeding? [unintelligible reply] Well, was it four sheep or five? [reply] We have to find a way to separate the cows from the sheep.

–Elevator, 56th & 8th

Drunk girl, yelling: All I want is a llama! Another cocktail and a llama!

–Terminal 5

Dude: So you’re enjoying acting, LA, monogamy, horses?

–Cafe Esperanto

Chick to friend: I don’t care how well you clean it, I am not doing shots out of that alligator!

–TriBeCa

Overheard by: lalala

Swanky pin-stripe suit on cellphone: The little shit will definitely get approved. He’s as healthy as a French gay ox.

–51st & 3rd

Overheard by: IG

Young black dude: You know the movie The Lion King? Yeah The Lion King! …You know, the one with all the tigers.

–4 Train

Overheard by: BQM lady

Man: Manatees are the most peaceful creatures in the world… They get hit by motor boats!

–Astor Place

I Hear Jigsaw Loves Self-Destructive Gym Bunnies

Young woman: I really want a boyfriend who is mean, who can say that, “I’m gonna kill him” and then looks down at his hand, and that laughs.
Older woman nods.
Young woman: You know, like those villians in movies with that grin, not the crazy ones who laugh but the ones who grin. 

–NYU gym locker room

“…or give him the back door. Then he’ll forgive anything.”

Girl #1: I feel like shit. I shouldn’t have slept with that guy.
Girl #2: So what kind of sweater are we looking for?
Girl #1: Anything nice that proves how much I love him.
Girl #2: You should get him a white sweater. White is the color of remorse, I think.
Girl #1: But then he’ll understand I cheated on him. He might actually be suspicious already if I buy him a present without an apparent reason.
Girl #2: Just make him dinner then. 

–Banana Republic, 5th Ave.

I Wanna Fuck You Like an Wednesday One-Liner

Ghetto chick to friend: Remember when you took that chinchilla from me, back in the day?

–Q Train

Overheard by: Chloe

Grungy dude on cell: So I jumped on my horse and got the fuck outta there.

–14th & 6th

Overheard by: bildita

Guy: …and those Egyptians had crocodiles. Those crocodiles that shoot lasers out of their eyes.

–Metropolitian Musuem of Art

Overheard by: Bonkers in Yonkers

Hipster chick: Deer antlers. Everywhere I go, all I see are deer antlers. I’m getting sick of it.

–14th St & 1st Av

Overheard by: Larry

Thug: I’m like super pimp. I pimp men and women… And cats and dogs. Shit, I got the whole animal kingdom.

–10th & Broadway

Composed chick on cell: He’s a giraffe, and I’m a leopard, and I’m never gonna be a giraffe. I’ve tried and tried, but my destiny is as a leopard, you see? I can fake being a giraffe for awhile, but eventually I’m gonna have to rip his throat out and feed on his entrails. It’s in my nature. The only alternative is divorce.

–Billiard Hall, Elizabeth & Bowery

Too Late!

Teen boyfriend: I’ve been watching you.
Teen girlfriend: Ummm…
Teen boyfriend: No, no, don’t worry — not in, like, the creepy ‘I’ve been watching you’-way.

–Central Park