Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category

Warn­ing: Watch­ing Hitch Has Been Shown to Cause Sui­cide in Lab­o­ra­to­ry An­i­mals

Gui­do #1: What’re you doin’ tonight?
Gui­do #2: Goin’ to a movie wit my girl.
Gui­do #1: Mm.
Gui­do #2: Goin’ to see Hitch.
Gui­do #3: Hitch? Is­n’t that a chick flick?
Gui­do #2: I said my girl asked me to take her to a movie.
Gui­do #3: Oh. Al­right.
Gui­do #2: I ain’t seein’ the fuckin’ movie by my­self.

–R train

Over­heard by: blues­dog

I Bet She Had Some ‘Splain­ing to Do

Co­lum­bia guy: So then Car­o­line* de­cid­ed to take all of his valu­ables and hide them in the back room, to make it look like he’d been robbed. When he came home he, like, *freaked out* and called 911.
Co­lum­bia chick: That’s hi­lar­i­ous!

–114th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Ein La­dle

Head­line by: Mikey G.

Run­ners-Up:
· “And Af­ter He Killed Her, He Pre­tend­ed to Do CPR!” — Je­sus­F­reak
· “And She Did­n’t Check the Psy­cho Box on Match.com” — di­grun­tled in­ter­net dater
· “He Did­n’t Like His Anal Rape-Themed Sur­prise Birth­day Par­ty Ei­ther…” — Beartram
· “I Bet the “Just Kid­ding Your Place Was­n’t Robbed Sex” Was Awe­some, Too.” — anon­mouse
· “Turns Out There’s No Spot For “Mas­culin­i­ty” on In­sur­ance Claim Forms” — Jamie

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

Wednes­day One-lin­ers Lunch Hour

Sounds Like a Nice Druish Boy

Girl #1: I think true love is when you know some­one is­n’t per­fect but you still think they are.
Girl #2: I thought love was when you could still feel but­ter­flies in your heart even af­ter he tells you he thinks he’s an elf.
Girl #1: I keep for­get­ting that ac­tu­al­ly hap­pened.
Girl #2: Yeah, and not to you.
Girl #1: Yeah, I don’t know how I would have tak­en it.

–58th & 5th