A guy is ogling two girls.
Girl #1: Oh, no. What do you do when a Jewish guy won’t stop staring at you?
Girl #2: The sign of the cross.
–Starbucks, Queens
Archive for the ‘Religion’ Category
It’s a Down Payment Toward Freeing Those Pesky Alien Ghosts
A tourist stops in front of the Free Stress Test table.
Tourist lady: How much for the stress test?
Scientologist guy: 8 bucks.
–Times Square station
You Also Thought That About Abraham Lincoln
Dumb chick #1: What are those Jewish people with the curls called?
Dumb chick #2: I think they're called “aesthetic Jews.” Or “hestetic Jews.”
Dumb chick #1: Oh. I though they were Amish.
–Elevator, Midtown Building
Overheard by: I know what they're called
Why Is This Beer Different From All Other Beers?
Tall guy to short guy: You gotta have a beer.
Short guy: Why do I have to have a beer if I am a rabbi?
–Grand & Broadway
Until We Get the Parthenogenesis Project Off the Ground
Little old lady #1: Every daughter is a daughter of the Man!
Little old lady #2: True, very true.
–112th & Broadway
Overheard by: Bad Minkey
Wednesday One-Linered…With Children
Old Jewish woman to very nervous Asian 25-year-old bride to be: Honey, I've been married 53 years. The secret to a great marriage? Give him lots of sex. Lots of good sex.
–Dumbo, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Tanya
Man on cell: I told her I would convert. We could go to Vegas and get married next week, no problem.
–64th & Amsterdam
Woman on phone: My ex-boyfriend was 24 and he was able to support me, and you're 35 on an engineer's salary and you can't do the same. Do you know how many guys are begging to marry me, and can give me a dowry? So fuck you!
–Target Store, Brooklyn
Hispanic woman on phone: So where are you now? You already married him? Oh, okay. See you later.
–28th & Park Avenue South
Overheard by: Alie
Five-year-old boy to teacher about five-year-old girl next to him: We're going to get married. (to five-year-old girl) What's your name again?
–61st & Amsterdam
If This Conversation Goes on for Much Longer, There Definitely Isn't a God.
Boy, after watching An Inconvenient Truth: Do you believe in god?
Girl: I believe in mother nature.
Boy: You don't believe in god?
Girl: I mean, I do… But I believe this is happening because of nature.
Boy: But you believe in her?
Girl: What?
Boy: Mother nature?
Girl: Mother nature is not like a person… It's just a saying for nature.
Boy: Wait… What? Oh… (pause) I thought she was like a tree or something.
–Regal Cinema, Union Square
Overheard by: Noeman Samdani
Wednesday One-Liners Are Here, They’re Queer, They’re Not Going Anywhere
Woman: And you are not a lesbian either! You are only gay on weekends.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Adam Bozarth
Teen girl: I know Jimmy’s not gay because he stole my girlfriend.
–R train
Preacher: Mark my words–by sunrise you will be smothered in lesbians.
–53rd & 5th
Overheard by: Kaleena
Thoughtful guy: I always thought that if I were gay I’d be the manlier one. But now that I think about it I’d want to be the girly one for all the free stuff.
–26th & 1st
Overheard by: Charles
Guy on cell: Wait…Christ! It’s gayer than three snaps in Z formation in here.
–The Hangar, Christopher St
Overheard by: TK
Midwestern guy: That is complete bullshit! How do you make a dog gay?
–Century 21
Teen girl: It’s funny talking to him now. I mean, in the eighth grade we knew he was gay, but not take-it-up-the-butt gay.
–Uptown 1 train
Q: What's Black and White and Red All Over? A: An Embarrassed Wednesday One-Liner
Girl to friend: Oh, my God, I think I just left the most embarrassing thing in the bathroom.
–Barnes & Noble
Overheard by: V
Woman to roommate: When we get home, we'll have embarrassing sexual accidents!
–Pathmark, Massapequa
Overheard by: Are they really accidents if you plan ahead?
Nerdy TA: The thesis talk is kind of like the sex talk. It's a little embarrassing, no one really wants to give it, but it'll make you grow as adults.
–Columbia University
Girl to friend: I'm not embarrassed that I peed in his bed. I'm just not.
–Columbia University
Girl on cell: I saw it and I thought, "how embarrassing would it be riding on a bike with a nun."
–Grand Central
Overheard by: galgal
Wednesday One-Liners (the King James Version)
Cute chick on cell: If the Amish can do it, so can you. [Pause, then louder.] If the Amish can do it, so can you!
–113th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Lady on cell: You tell my momma to get her ass to church and stop sinning!
–Grand Concourse, 205th St.
Overheard by: LSB
Black guy to another: Go to the Catholic church, cracka. They got good drugs.
–11th & A
Middle Eastern man: I believe in Islam and Allah, but I drink, I smoke, and I fuck. When I stop doing those things, then I’ll pray.
–C Train
Overheard by: Mark
Thug: I totally invented the Chuck Norris religion.
–Queens Mall
Overheard by: LSB