Archive for the ‘Religion’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Are Pissed About Gay Bishops

Proselytizer: You’ve got to make sure you’re reading the King James Bible. God uses the other ones for conversion, but they’re ten percent less effective.

–Downtown 2 train

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Mom: Look, this one’s from Jordan and Israel. That’s where Jesus is from!

–Mouse House, Bronx Zoo

Overheard by: LT$

Woman: I’m gonna give him a holy bath and all kinds of things.

–Columbus Bakery, 83rd & Columbus

Pamphlet lady: That’s why you’ve got no power! Where’s the mayor? He’s not Jesus! He’s not coming to save you!

–Penn Station

Soccer mom: …and then he asked if he could go to church with Grandma, and I said, “Well, I don’t think so, Ryan*. Daddy’s had to yell at you all night and spank you twice, and only good boys get to go to church.”

–Central Park

Overheard by: God would be proud

Hobo: The Holy Spirit will whup yo’ ass!

–Court St

Young passerby, to old man entering church: Good luck!

–48th & 8th

Overheard by: Russell Z

Something Like That

Girl #1: I am, like, so sick of eating matzah!
Girl #2: I’m not Jewish, but I like to eat it.
Girl #1: Do you know why the Jews eat matzah at passover?
Girl #2: I think it’s, like, because the Jews were baking bread when the Nazis came and they didn’t have time to wait for it to cook, right?

–Hotel Gansevoort lobby, Meatpacking District

Overheard by: Cynthia Z

Do You Want to Hear About the Ass Sex, or Not?

Woman: I think she’s Russian. No wait, I think she is from Tennessee, yeah she’s like this poor girl from Tennessee. So anyways, she goes to the Hamptons… Wait now I remember, she is from Utah; she’s Mormon. That’s it. So she goes to the Hamptons and meets this guy…
Man: Wait a minute, what’s a Russian Mormon doing in the Hamptons?
Woman, annoyed: [groan]

–Whole Foods Columbus Circle