Archive for the ‘Religion’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Rent Bronx Butt-Sluts

Hip­ster: And I was like, ‘Okay, well, here’s some ad­vice for you, then: Why don’t you peel a ba­nana and shove it up your ass?’

–Bed­ford Ave

Sassy black girl: Man, I love anal sex! That shit puts me to sleep!

–Man­hat­tan Mall

Over­heard by: Aus­ton McLain

Girl to guy: I am not shov­ing any­thing in your hole!

–LIRR

Over­heard by: mish

Mid­dle-aged man: Now I want you to take your dick out and fuck him in the ass.

–5th Ave & Union

Over­heard by: Stephen

Woman on cell: You tell him he bet­ter pay for it. I bet­ter get his mon­ey. He needs a dick up the ass, that’s what he needs. A fuck­ing dick up the ass. ‘Cause I got it. I got it all. So he bet­ter fuck­ing pay for it.

–Re­stroom, JFK

Over­heard by: co­lette

An­gry man to friend: Well, fuck you up the ass! You just don’t un­der­stand re­li­gion!

–Em­pire State Build­ing, 34th & 5th

Over­heard by: Wendy Booz

You Mean Like Ba­con?

Boyfriend: So, my bud­dy’s cel­e­brat­ing Rosh Hashanah to­mor­row, and he said he’ll bring me some matzah ball soup.
Girl­friend: He’s cel­e­brat­ing what? And giv­ing you what?
Boyfriend: Some Jew­ish hol­i­day. Some Jew­ish food.
Girl­friend: Ah.

–2 train

Over­heard by:

Maybe That Worked on Your Mor­mon Girl­friend

Skin­ny white guy: I’m like, re­al­ly ex­cit­ed for that Is­rael pa­rade. Like, I think it will be a re­al­ly nice ex­pe­ri­ence for me.
Jew­ish girl: Mmh­mm.
Skin­ny white guy: No, I’m se­ri­ous. I love Jews. And like, I’m not just say­ing it to get in­to your pants.

–Penn Sta­tion

Holy Wedne­say-One-Lin­ers, Bat­man!

Lit­tle boy, hear­ing loud ex­plo­sion: Je­sus Christ!

–Up­per East Side

Over­heard by: Far­ley

Suit to girl­friend: Are you mad at Je­sus?

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Matt

Girl, point­ing to eye­brow ring: I re­ceive God through this hole in my eye!

–Fi­nancier Patis­serie, Stone St

Over­heard by: Gen

Teen girl: Yeah, so I was about to go down on him, and I got smacked in the face with Je­sus. It was so not hot.

–Sheepshead Bay

Over­heard by: Lotte

Black man: Free Post! Free Post! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, free at last! Free Post!

–34th St & 7th Ave

Over­heard by: jack­at­tack

JAP: When I told my mom I did­n’t want to fast to­day she said ‘That’s ok, no one said you had to’ and I said ‘Um­mm, I think God did.’

–33rd St & 8th Ave

Over­heard by: ak

Man to cop: Can’t you do nuthin’ about those damn Je­ho­vah’s Nitwits?

–Grand Cen­tral

I Pre­fer to Think That He Jumped Out Of a Cake and Yelled “Sur­prise!”

For­eign TA: I don’t un­der­stand why they use the egg for East­er.
Amer­i­can TA: Oh, it does­n’t re­al­ly have any­thing to do with East­er, we just ap­pro­pri­at­ed pa­gan rit­u­als.
For­eign TA: I thought East­er is when Je­sus was re­born.
Amer­i­can TA: It is.
For­eign TA: I thought maybe he was re­born out of an egg.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: MCLD

She’s on Coke, Du­u­uh!

Bus dri­ver: That’s what crack will do to you.
Crazy la­dy: What? Crack? Did you say I’m on crack? Hell no. I have too much ass to be on crack. I have too much jew­el­ry to be on crack. You see these? They’re re­al di­a­monds. You hear these? They’re keys jin­gling — keys to my house. Next time you see some­one hav­ing a bad day, just say ‘I guess they’re hav­ing a bad day’ not ‘they’re on crack. Pray for me and I’ll pray for you!

–125th & Am­s­ter­dam

Over­heard by: Columbi­a­Cat

To­day, Wednes­day One-Lin­er Is a Woman.

Girl on cell: It just… It’s not like it sucks. (pause) It just sucks, ya know? I mean, I had my pe­ri­od this morn­ing, and I just wan­na get high.

–Bor­ough of Man­hat­tan Com­mu­ni­ty Col­lege

Over­heard by: 447ght

Cus­tomer, buy­ing two packs of Ko­tex: Next time you or­der these, you should get the kind with de­odor­ant. It re­al­ly makes a dif­fer­ence!

–112th St & St. Nicholas

Guy on cell: Dude! Guys don’t PMS!

–Port Au­thor­i­ty

Over­heard by: al­lie

Girl #1: I once made a Na­tiv­i­ty from fem­i­nine prod­ucts. (awk­ward si­lence) They weren’t used, though…

–Barnard

Over­heard by: Brook­lyn