Queer: Where does Dusty work?
Girl: At a church by Spring Street.
Queer: What does he do?
Girl: He’s an administrative assistant.
Queer: An administrative assistant to God?
–Union Square
Archive for the ‘Religion’ Category
In Other Words, Limbo
Woman: Move in, motherfuckers, move in!
Yuppie guy: Wait for the next one, this is too packed.
Woman: Bitch, I have to be on this train!
Yuppie guy: This isn’t the train to heaven, you know. It’s, like, going to Queens.
–F train
Overheard by: Nickicaps
Readers: Answer This Hipster Question
Chick (to another chick): So, are you ordained yet?
–Williamsburg
Look, Once and for All, It’s Car-a-mel!
Dude #1: What’s karma?
Dude #2: I think it’s the stuff they put in chocolate bars.
Dude #1: That’s peanuts, you dipshit.
Dude #2: What kind of chocolate bars are you eating?
–F train
The Closest M.J. Would Ever Come to Saying “I’m Gay”
Bus driver, upon seeing a rainbow: Out the right side there is a beautiful rainbow.
Man in the back of the bus: Michael Jackson did that! He probably starting singing “over the rainbow” and God made one appear!
–Berry & N 7th
Overheard by: Bean
Wednesday One-Liners Are Pissed About Gay Bishops
Proselytizer: You’ve got to make sure you’re reading the King James Bible. God uses the other ones for conversion, but they’re ten percent less effective.
–Downtown 2 train
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Mom: Look, this one’s from Jordan and Israel. That’s where Jesus is from!
–Mouse House, Bronx Zoo
Overheard by: LT$
Woman: I’m gonna give him a holy bath and all kinds of things.
–Columbus Bakery, 83rd & Columbus
Pamphlet lady: That’s why you’ve got no power! Where’s the mayor? He’s not Jesus! He’s not coming to save you!
–Penn Station
Soccer mom: …and then he asked if he could go to church with Grandma, and I said, “Well, I don’t think so, Ryan*. Daddy’s had to yell at you all night and spank you twice, and only good boys get to go to church.”
–Central Park
Overheard by: God would be proud
Hobo: The Holy Spirit will whup yo’ ass!
–Court St
Young passerby, to old man entering church: Good luck!
–48th & 8th
Overheard by: Russell Z
Signs of the Apocalypse
Girl #1: Hey are you going to go see The Da Vinci Code?
Girl #2: Yes! My pastor said it was alright as long as I watched The Passion of the Christ right after.
–Midwood High School
Overheard by: the half jewish kid in the corner
Something Like That
Girl #1: I am, like, so sick of eating matzah!
Girl #2: I’m not Jewish, but I like to eat it.
Girl #1: Do you know why the Jews eat matzah at passover?
Girl #2: I think it’s, like, because the Jews were baking bread when the Nazis came and they didn’t have time to wait for it to cook, right?
–Hotel Gansevoort lobby, Meatpacking District
Overheard by: Cynthia Z
It’s Not As If Bullets Hurt Him
Guy: Did you hear that the dude who shot the Pope got let go from jail?
Girl: Yeah, and the Pope forgave him and everything.
Guy: Wow, I totally want to shoot the Pope now!
Girl: Yeah, he’d probably be cool with it.
–E train
Overheard by: Gradie Smith
Do You Want to Hear About the Ass Sex, or Not?
Woman: I think she’s Russian. No wait, I think she is from Tennessee, yeah she’s like this poor girl from Tennessee. So anyways, she goes to the Hamptons… Wait now I remember, she is from Utah; she’s Mormon. That’s it. So she goes to the Hamptons and meets this guy…
Man: Wait a minute, what’s a Russian Mormon doing in the Hamptons?
Woman, annoyed: [groan]
–Whole Foods Columbus Circle
