Guy: Did you hear that the dude who shot the Pope got let go from jail?
Girl: Yeah, and the Pope forgave him and everything.
Guy: Wow, I totally want to shoot the Pope now!
Girl: Yeah, he’d probably be cool with it.
–E train
Overheard by: Gradie Smith
Woman: I think she’s Russian. No wait, I think she is from Tennessee, yeah she’s like this poor girl from Tennessee. So anyways, she goes to the Hamptons… Wait now I remember, she is from Utah; she’s Mormon. That’s it. So she goes to the Hamptons and meets this guy…
Man: Wait a minute, what’s a Russian Mormon doing in the Hamptons?
Woman, annoyed: [groan]
–Whole Foods Columbus Circle
Female security guard: That was Jim Jones.
Male security guard: Jim Jones?
Female security guard: Jim Jones, he sings “Pop Champagne.“
Male security guard: Jim Jones? That’s that cult guy, down in uh… Guyana.
–MTV Lobby
Chick: Are you hungry? I have some leftover vietnamese food you can have.
Hobo: Well, what is it? I’m religious. I don’t eat pork.
Chick: There’s no pork. It’s just vegetarian noodles.
Hobo: Noodles? Nah, I’m trying to cut back on carbs.
–Grand Central food court
Gentile Yuppie: When I was in the synagogue, all of these girls kept on coming up to me and trying to pick me up–but they were all Jewish!
Dominican woman: “…angeles y arcangeles y cherubimes.”…Cuales son cherubimes?
Dominican teen #1: Cherubims? Those are those angel babies, you know, with the wings?
Dominican teen #2: Yeah, like the ones on your shower curtain?
Dominican teen #1: Right.
Dominican woman: Y cuales son arcangeles?
Dominican teen #1: Ohhh…those are those big ones, with the big wings. And they’re older.
–Rosa’s Hair Salon, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Michael Kane
Dumb chick #1: What are those Jewish people with the curls called?
Dumb chick #2: I think they’re called “aesthetic Jews.” Or “hestetic Jews.“
Dumb chick #1: Oh. I though they were Amish.
–Elevator, Midtown Building
Overheard by: I know what they’re called
Hipster: And I was like, ‘Okay, well, here’s some advice for you, then: Why don’t you peel a banana and shove it up your ass?’
–Bedford Ave
Sassy black girl: Man, I love anal sex! That shit puts me to sleep!
–Manhattan Mall
Overheard by: Auston McLain
Girl to guy: I am not shoving anything in your hole!
–LIRR
Overheard by: mish
Middle-aged man: Now I want you to take your dick out and fuck him in the ass.
–5th Ave & Union
Overheard by: Stephen
Woman on cell: You tell him he better pay for it. I better get his money. He needs a dick up the ass, that’s what he needs. A fucking dick up the ass. ‘Cause I got it. I got it all. So he better fucking pay for it.
–Restroom, JFK
Overheard by: colette
Angry man to friend: Well, fuck you up the ass! You just don’t understand religion!
–Empire State Building, 34th & 5th
Overheard by: Wendy Booz
Boyfriend: So, my buddy’s celebrating Rosh Hashanah tomorrow, and he said he’ll bring me some matzah ball soup.
Girlfriend: He’s celebrating what? And giving you what?
Boyfriend: Some Jewish holiday. Some Jewish food.
Girlfriend: Ah.
–2 train
Overheard by:
Skinny white guy: I’m like, really excited for that Israel parade. Like, I think it will be a really nice experience for me.
Jewish girl: Mmhmm.
Skinny white guy: No, I’m serious. I love Jews. And like, I’m not just saying it to get into your pants.
–Penn Station
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
