Archive for the ‘Religion’ Category

You Know They’d Cook With Tran­sub­stan­ti­at­ed Fats

20 year-old guy: What if the af­ter­life and hell ex­ists? I mean if it does, there has to be a so­ci­ety be­cause bil­lions of peo­ple would be there by now.
Friend: Yeah…
20 year-old: So that’s a lot of peo­ple, like a so­ci­ety has to emerge since there can’t be that many demons and tor­tur­ers. You would have like a Mc­Don­ald’s and peo­ple work­ing there. (pause) But you could be work­ing there, and it could be every day for an eter­ni­ty.
Friends: That’s so much worse than hell.

–New Jer­sey Tran­sit, Port Au­thor­i­ty Bus Ter­mi­nal

Over­heard Goes to the Cin­e­ma

Girl #1: He fine.
Girl #2: Who? Anakin?
Girl #1: Yeah.
Girl #2: Fin­er den Ush­er?
Girl #1: Nah, no­body fin­er den Ush­er.

–The Pavil­ion, Park Slope

Black guy: Yo, fuck the Je­di. It’s all about the Dark Side. I’m the oth­er Dark Lord you’ve been look­ing for.

–86th & Lex­ing­ton

Over­heard by: Joshua S.

Girl: Oh my god, all this time I thought I was a Bud­dhist, but I’m re­al­ly a Sith.

–UA movie the­ater, Union Square

Over­heard by: Lara Evan­ge­lista

And if he Was in him, That Would be Swiss.

Pol­ish girl #1: Was that the Car­di­nal over there?
Pol­ish girl #2: No. The Car­di­nal wears red.
Pol­ish guy: Oh man! If the Pope was on top of the Car­di­nal, that would be so Pol­ish!
Pol­ish girls: …
Pol­ish guy: No! I mean, like the flag!

–Pu­las­ki Day Pa­rade, 5th Ave & 52nd St

Over­heard by: J. G. Lap­in­s­ki

Wednes­day One-Linered…With Chil­dren

Old Jew­ish woman to very ner­vous Asian 25-year-old bride to be: Hon­ey, I’ve been mar­ried 53 years. The se­cret to a great mar­riage? Give him lots of sex. Lots of good sex.

–Dum­bo, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Tanya

Man on cell: I told her I would con­vert. We could go to Ve­gas and get mar­ried next week, no prob­lem.

–64th & Am­s­ter­dam

Woman on phone: My ex-boyfriend was 24 and he was able to sup­port me, and you’re 35 on an en­gi­neer’s salary and you can’t do the same. Do you know how many guys are beg­ging to mar­ry me, and can give me a dowry? So fuck you!

–Tar­get Store, Brook­lyn

His­pan­ic woman on phone: So where are you now? You al­ready mar­ried him? Oh, okay. See you lat­er.

–28th & Park Av­enue South

Over­heard by: Alie

Five-year-old boy to teacher about five-year-old girl next to him: We’re go­ing to get mar­ried. (to five-year-old girl) What’s your name again?

–61st & Am­s­ter­dam