Archive for the ‘Retardation’ Category

And I’m Still Smarter Than You. That’s Got­ta Burn

Hip 18-year-old daugh­ter: Mom, stop laugh­ing! I’m like the least fun­ny per­son I’ve ever met.
Mom, laugh­ing: No, you’re so fun­ny! You al­ways have been! It’s like you have an ex­tra chro­mo­some or some­thing. (walks in­to an apart­ment and clos­es door be­hind her be­fore her daugh­ter and her friend can fol­low).
Girl’s friend: So, you’re re­tard­ed. You have an ex­tra chro­mo­some. You’re fuck­ing re­tard­ed.

–87th & East End

Over­heard by: So­phie

The End Of West­ern Civ­i­liza­tion: An OINY Short Sto­ry.

Lawyer #1: I saw this fun­ny video on YouTube last night. I did a search for “re­tards” and there was this one called “re­tard­ed Brit­ney Spears fan.” It was a re­tard singing one of her songs.
Lawyer #2: Have you seen 2 Girls 1 Cup?
Lawyer #1: I was able to watch about two sec­onds of it be­fore I had to click it off.
Lawyer #2: Did you see the one called “ex­treme pain”? I could on­ly watch about five sec­onds of it. A guy was cut­ting off his own dick.
Lawyer #1: That’s some sick shit. How’s your cat?
Lawyer #2: You should see her. She rolls over on her back and my dog licks her be­tween the legs for a long time, then smacks his lips.
Lawyer #1: You should video that and put it on YouTube. Call it “eat­ing pussy.” You’ll get a mil­lion hits!

–Civ­il Court, 141 Liv­ingston St., Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Big Lar­ry

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Have Their Ups and “Downs”

Dog own­er to an­oth­er: Dogs are fun­ny. They’re like lit­tle re­tard­ed kids.

–Tomp­kins Square Park Dog Run

Guy on cell: She went from Deb­bie down­er to Deb­bie Down Syn­drome.

–62nd St & 2nd Ave

Over­heard by: Timo Lip­ping

Dad: I thought she would like Car­oli­na, so we took her to see four schools there. I asked her if she liked them and she said, “I liked the schools… But every­one there seemed slight­ly re­tard­ed.”

–W 54th St & 8th Ave

Over­heard by: John­ny V.

South­ern woman who just ran NYC marathon to South­ern friend: Well, we can’t have a ba­by now be­cause it would be re­tard­ed… be­cause I’m 35, you know?

–Bec­co Restau­rant, The­ater Dis­trict

Over­heard by: mer­say­seh

Does a Three­some With Twins Break the Wednes­day One-Lin­er Taboo?

Suit to an­oth­er: He was just lucky not to be fuck­ing some­one in his fam­i­ly!

–Trump Build­ing

Over­heard by: Guess I’m lucky too

Gamer on head­set: Dude, you are not lis­ten­ing to me. You can’t hear me. You know why? Be­cause you have no ears. You’re the prod­uct of two re­tard­ed cousins fuck­ing each oth­er.

–Queens

Girl: He looks like my un­cle… the one I’m re­al­ly at­tract­ed to.

–Gov­er­nors Is­land fer­ry

Over­heard by: bor­ing

Male passer­by: I would­n’t fuck my fam­i­ly, but…

–4th Ave & 11th St

Over­heard by: Jes­si­ca

British pro­fes­sor wear­ing bow tie: It’s fas­ci­nat­ing just how ex­cit­ing in­cest is!

–Sil­ver Cen­ter, NYU