Archive for the ‘Rimming’ Category

No­body Ever Is

Slack­er chick in Hei­di hair­cut, Mao cap and gas sta­tion jack­et: What re­al­ly pissed me off was we were fool­ing around one night and he was tex­ting an­oth­er girl. I’m, like, sit­ting there naked, ready to do what­ev­er, and he’s pulling that shit. He’s all about want­i­ng to eat out my ass­hole, and then he does that.
Slack­er dude: I guess he was­n’t re­al­ly ready to get every­thing he want­ed.

–Rac­coon Lodge, TriBeCa

Over­heard by: Nic

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Com­ing to Din­ner

Guy on cell: I eat ass like a cham­pi­on.

–Have­mey­er & S 1st St, Williams­burg

Over­heard by: EA

Scary old guy to pret­ty woman: Oooh, girl, you look so fine. Tell your hus­band I want to bite your kneecaps off.

–West Vil­lage

La­dy on cell: Yeah, I’m re­al­ly hun­gry, too. I could re­al­ly eat some nice wall­pa­per right about now.

–83rd & Am­s­ter­dam

Over­heard by: Deb­bie

Woman: I’d rather eat home­less per­son­’s cum than ever eat plain yo­gurt again.

–Clin­ton & Stan­ton

Creepy guy: Let me put it this way: I might not be com­pelled to eat a pup­py, but I just might eat a ba­by. There’s just some­thing un­at­trac­tive about them.

–Bus to Penn Sta­tion

Moth­er to scream­ing child: If you don’t stop cry­ing I am go­ing to eat you!

–100th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: bri­ana

Bounc­er to girl show­ing ID: You’re so beau­ti­ful. I wan­na put you on a pedestal… and eat your ass.

–West Vil­lage

Over­heard by: RB­NY

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Thought Douch­ing With Vine­gar Would Help

Bik­er la­dy: You think I have syphilis? Hah!

–Hud­son Riv­er run­ning path, 38th St

Over­heard by: luke­joy

Girl on cell: I know! She was, like, so de­fen­sive about it! Like, “So he im­preg­nat­ed me; at least I did­n’t get her­pes.” I was like, “Hon­ey, is that re­al­ly a fair trade?”

–A train

Over­heard by: claire

Ghet­to teen: You know, like 90 per­cent of all peo­ple have her­pes. That’s like 1 in every 3 peo­ple.

–Suf­folk & Riv­ing­ton

Girl: I know, when I first got chlamy­dia, I did­n’t know who to turn to. Luck­i­ly I got it from my doc­tor.

–45th & 5th

Over­heard by: Jer­ringo Na­tion­pess

Old la­dy, dur­ing a Clerks II scene deal­ing with “ass to mouth,” to old man: That’s how you get E. coli!

–Movie the­ater, 86th & 3rd

Over­heard by: katey

Queer on cell: I’m not say­ing he’s a nasty fag­got. I’m just say­ing he has HIV.

–5th Ave be­tween 4th and 5th, Park Slope

Over­heard by: Gus

Guy on cell: So I went to Am­s­ter­dam and got a hand­job from a hook­er, and I thought I had HIV for, like, two years…Yeah, I’m a pret­ty weird guy.

–Whole Foods, Chelsea

Clean Yet Dirty (NYC Short Sto­ries)

Teen girl #1: She once said to me, “I was think­ing about us kiss­ing in the show­er.”
Teen girl #2: I hope you were wear­ing clothes.

–Canal & Broad­way

Guy #1: Does she even show­er?
Guy #2: That’s what I asked him. But then he said, “Not on­ly does she show­er, but then she licks my ass and jacks me off. It’s fuck­ing great!”

–22nd & 3rd

Over­heard by: Erin B

Man #1: You smell great!
Man #2: Thanks. I haven’t bathed since eleven.

–70th & Am­s­ter­dam