Slacker chick in Heidi haircut, Mao cap and gas station jacket: What really pissed me off was we were fooling around one night and he was texting another girl. I’m, like, sitting there naked, ready to do whatever, and he’s pulling that shit. He’s all about wanting to eat out my asshole, and then he does that.
Slacker dude: I guess he wasn’t really ready to get everything he wanted.
–Raccoon Lodge, TriBeCa
Overheard by: Nic
Guy: This song Ring of Fire is about Johnny Cash falling in love with June Carter.
Girl: Really? I thought it was about a rimjob.
–Pink Pony, Ludlow Street
Overheard by: Michael Roche
Guy on cell: I eat ass like a champion.
–Havemeyer & S 1st St, Williamsburg
Overheard by: EA
Scary old guy to pretty woman: Oooh, girl, you look so fine. Tell your husband I want to bite your kneecaps off.
–West Village
Lady on cell: Yeah, I’m really hungry, too. I could really eat some nice wallpaper right about now.
–83rd & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Debbie
Woman: I’d rather eat homeless person’s cum than ever eat plain yogurt again.
–Clinton & Stanton
Creepy guy: Let me put it this way: I might not be compelled to eat a puppy, but I just might eat a baby. There’s just something unattractive about them.
–Bus to Penn Station
Mother to screaming child: If you don’t stop crying I am going to eat you!
–100th & Broadway
Overheard by: briana
Bouncer to girl showing ID: You’re so beautiful. I wanna put you on a pedestal… and eat your ass.
–West Village
Overheard by: RBNY
Guy #1: So, I was at this thing last night playing guitar or whatever, and my friend Ashley* is eating out this fat guy’s asshole…
Guy #2: What?!
Guy #1: Yeah, seriously.
–Dorm elevator, Fordham University, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: OnlyinNY
Girl: It’s like, ‘Awww, you must really like me! You want to lick my ass!‘
Guy: Yeah, I’m the Sally Field of analingus.
–14th & 6th
Overheard by: Super Mel
Dude #1: Hey, smell my breath.
Dude #2: Holy shit, man! What have you been eating?!
Dude #1: Kate’s ass!
–C train
Overheard by: Davis Baker
Man #1: Have you ever tasted Bitter Melon?
Man #2: Yeah, and it tastes exactly like shit.
Man #1: How do you know what shit tastes like?
Man #2, motions head towards wife: From licking her ass.
–Wo Hop, 17 Mott St
Overheard by: Big Larry
Thug #1: Wait, wait, you had her eat out your asshole?
Thug #2: Dawg, you just said that mad-loud!
–1 train
Overheard by: not interested
Biker lady: You think I have syphilis? Hah!
–Hudson River running path, 38th St
Overheard by: lukejoy
Girl on cell: I know! She was, like, so defensive about it! Like, “So he impregnated me; at least I didn’t get herpes.” I was like, “Honey, is that really a fair trade?”
–A train
Overheard by: claire
Ghetto teen: You know, like 90 percent of all people have herpes. That’s like 1 in every 3 people.
–Suffolk & Rivington
Girl: I know, when I first got chlamydia, I didn’t know who to turn to. Luckily I got it from my doctor.
–45th & 5th
Overheard by: Jerringo Nationpess
Old lady, during a Clerks II scene dealing with “ass to mouth,” to old man: That’s how you get E. coli!
–Movie theater, 86th & 3rd
Overheard by: katey
Queer on cell: I’m not saying he’s a nasty faggot. I’m just saying he has HIV.
–5th Ave between 4th and 5th, Park Slope
Overheard by: Gus
Guy on cell: So I went to Amsterdam and got a handjob from a hooker, and I thought I had HIV for, like, two years…Yeah, I’m a pretty weird guy.
–Whole Foods, Chelsea
Teen girl #1: She once said to me, “I was thinking about us kissing in the shower.”
Teen girl #2: I hope you were wearing clothes.
–Canal & Broadway
Guy #1: Does she even shower?
Guy #2: That’s what I asked him. But then he said, “Not only does she shower, but then she licks my ass and jacks me off. It’s fucking great!”
–22nd & 3rd
Overheard by: Erin B
Man #1: You smell great!
Man #2: Thanks. I haven’t bathed since eleven.
–70th & Amsterdam
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist