Archive for the ‘Rumor Has It’ Category

“Why Is This Bite Dif­fer­ent from All Oth­er Bites?”

La­dy #1: Did you hear about those priests mo­lest­ing those chil­dren?
La­dy #2: That’s old news.
La­dy #1: Nah, one was just con­vict­ed. But did you hear about the rab­bis and cir­cum­ci­sions?
La­dy #2: What? No. What hap­pened?
La­dy #1: Well, a rab­bi got in trou­ble for cir­cum­cis­ing some kids… with his mouth!
La­dy #2: Ew, dis­gust­ing! He de­serves to get in trou­ble.

–14A crosstown bus

Over­heard by: gcat

Wednes­day One-lin­ers

A chick push­ing an old woman in a wheel­chair says: Just let me know when you get tired of walk­ing.

–59th & 3rd

Over­heard by: Christo­pher

Queer: I can’t be­lieve she said I was a liar. Sure I make ran­dom stuff up, but I’m not a liar.

–West 4th & broad­way

Over­heard by: Mr­Robin­son

Hobo: All right fine, you win, I guess I do wish they were shit­ty pi­lots.

–6th Av­enue & 9th Street

He’s a Dick Wolf Fa­nat­ic

Tour guide: The school cam­pus has been in many film and tele­vi­sion pro­duc­tions, in­clud­ing The Good Shep­herd, Law and Or­der, and most no­tably the clas­sic Deb­bie Does Dal­las.
Big Mid­west­ern dad: I thought I rec­og­nized that li­brary!

–Pratt In­sti­tute, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: PrattStudent09

“I Said Cof­fee!”

Cashier #1: I felt so bad. She was try­ing to be so nice to her, but this woman was just hor­ri­ble.
Cashier #2: What hap­pened?
Cashier #1: She asked her if she want­ed a vente mocha frappacino–she was even smil­ing and stuff when she asked–and then the woman got all mad and said, “Look it, I don’t speak Ital­ian.”

–Star­bucks, As­tor Place

Plus, He’s Six Months Old

Girl #1: Would Nick like this?
Girl #2: What, walk­ing here? In this place?
Girl #1: I’m ask­ing.
Girl #2: No way. Nick just would­n’t get this.
Girl #1: How do you mean?
Girl #2: Nick would­n’t get this. For Nick if it does­n’t, like, have boo­bies every 90 sec­onds, he just switch­es off.
Girl #1: Right.

–The Met

Over­heard by: Cliff

Wednes­day Go-Down-On-Lin­ers

Whole­some-look­ing man, walk­ing with sev­er­al fam­i­lies with kids and car­ry­ing a cross: Je­sus Christ died for our sins to­day so that we can all give blowjobs when­ev­er we want!

–Union Square

Girl with food: Do you think I’ll get on the Jum­boTron if I deep throat this pick­le?

–MSG: Rangers — Caps Play­off Game

40-some­thing, dur­ing high school re­union: How dare you tell my hus­band I gave you a blowjob? I was a vir­gin in high school!

–Out­side Jake’s Dillem­ma

Women on cell: I told him, if he did­n’t start sham­poo­ing his pubes I would stop blow­ing him!

–14th St & 9th Ave

Mid­dle-aged Ro­man­ian: I heard he gives bet­ter BJs than San­ta Claus!


Over­heard by: Crazy Ro­ma­ni­ans