Woman: I always thought the Purple Pieman was Satan. Isn’t that one of his many names?
–K-mart, West 34th Street
Overheard by: CC
Archive for the ‘Satan’ Category
Wednesday One-Liners Enjoy Team Sports
20-something guy on BlackBerry: No, he's not gay. I was in a fivesome with him, but he's not gay.
–L Train
Girl to gay friend after walking into gay bar: Dude, either find me a straight boy or two Asians that will let me watch.
–NYC
Girl to guy friends: I mean, he's okay he had the threesome–the guy was his best friend!
–8th St & 5th Ave
Angry woman on phone: While you're out having orgies I am doing the real work!
–Victorian Flatbush
Pretentious professor type in academic tone: My ex had unrealistic fantasies. She used to dream about being fucked by God and Satan and the same time. How could I live up to that?
–NYU
At Which Point He Recommended Botox
36-year-old bald clubster: There's no way you're 36. I'm 36, and there's just no way.
36-year-old woman: No! Really, I am.
36-year-old bald clubster: What did you do–make a deal with the devil?
36-year-old woman: We've talked.
–Union Square
Overheard by: birdie
And I Did Promise to Stop Being a Weirdo
Crazy, loud hobo on train, repeating: “Jesus” is a six letter word! “666” means the devil! So, Jesus is the devil!
Fed-up passenger: Hey asshole, “Jesus” is 5 letters, not six!
Crazy hobo, pensive: Well, shit, there goes my whole argument.
–5 Train
Lucifer’s Still One Stylish Ho
Two hobos are checking out a woman walking by.
Hobo #1: You look like an angel fallen from heaven!
Hobo #2: The angel fallen from heaven is the devil!
Hobo #1: Oh…
–Lafayette & Franklin
Wednesday One-Liners from H-E Double Hockey Sticks
Guy looking at books, to no one in particular: I don’t want to hear or see anything about the devil, demons, voodoo or big hairy black guys.
–Barnes & Noble
Overheard by: 153
Guy hawking pamphlets: How to sucker punch the devil right in the ass!
–W 12th & Brodway
Overheard by: Why didn’t I get that pamphlet?!
Coworker about colleague: Every time he comes by here the number 666 comes up.
–1250 Broadway
Punk kid, walking past a group of nuns: Hail Satan!
–Waverly & Greene
Professor: I don’t want to be saved, I want to go to hell. I’ll meet interesting people there!
–Cooper Union, Astor Place
Overheard by: Hopefully not me!
Crazy older lady screaming on cell: You what? You are buying soda? You are going to go to fucking hell! Don’t you remember the promise you made to god? You’re probably standing in line with some goddamn candy too. You are going to hell!
–W Train
Overheard by: DR G LUV
She’s More of a “Lilith,” Don’t You Think?
Out-of-town poser #1 looking at Condoleezza Rice painting: Look, they painted Satan!
Out-of-town poser #2: Shhh! Someone’ll hear you!
Out-of-town poser #1: Pshaw. I don’t have to be quiet in New York City. Everyone agrees with me.
–MoMA
Easter Isn’t Just About Cadbury Creme Eggs
Dealer: I got ecstacy, I got crystal meth, I got hydro…OK, y’all have a nice holiday.
–Washington Square park
Overheard by: Mark Asch
Street Preacher: Have you found Jesus?!
Guy #1: Why? Did you lose him?
Street Preacher: Have you found your Lord, our Savior, Jesus Christ?
Guy #2: Next time, try using better fucking nails!
–42nd & 8th
Overheard by: eb
Guy: I think her Easter eggs say “Satan” on them.
–27th Street office
His Friends Don't Have the Heart to Tell Him It's a Mr. Peanut Costume
Boy #1: What are you gonna be?
Boy #2: Soul of the devil.
Boy #1: What were you last year?
Boy #2, annoyed: Soul of the devil.
Boy #1: And the year before that?
Boy #2: Soul of the devil! I always go as soul of the devil.
Boy #1: What's soul of the devil?
Boy #2: This character I made up. He's like a lawyer for the devil. I have a cane.
–Park Slope, Brooklyn
Infernal Wednesday One-Liners
Protestant street preacher with mic: You’re going down the Broadway to Hell.
–42nd & 8th
Subway preacher: When you buy a tree and put that in your house, and when you put all the presents under the tree, that’s all for Satan, not for Jesus. One day I was thinking about how the name Santa looks familiar, and I’m thinking to myself, Goddammit… No, wait, sorry. I’m thinking to myself, Santa… No, that’s Satan. You see? They kept the S but they just changed all the rest of the letters around.
–Brooklyn-bound C train
Overheard by: P. Mills
Suit on cell: The only thing is, she’s so innocent. I need someone to curse at me and spit in my face. I need some rough, yelling-at-each-other sex. I’m like Satan and she’s the Virgin Mary.
–Metro-North train, Grand Central
Hardhat: I don’t know if I’m going to heaven; I don’t know if I’m going to hell… All I know is I have to change at Jamaica.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Rob
Yuppie woman talking to herself: The devil is a liar — a fucking liar!
–Outside Lincoln Plaza Theatre
Overheard by: SLC kid
Teacher: I’m going to burn in Hell for this… Wait! I’m Jewish! I don’t believe in Hell! I’m not going to burn! Yay!
–Hunter College High