Archive for the ‘Scents of the City’ Category

The Technicolor Yawn Of Wednesday One-Liners

Conductor: Vomiting is prohibited on this train. Please, no vomiting on this train.

–LIRR

Conductor: There are only three reasons for an empty train car. A) it smells. B) it’s hot. C) someone threw up.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Laura

Gay NYU student: I’ve already been through the cycle. Eat, vom, feel better about life.

–Tisch Hall, NYU

Conductor: There will be no vomiting on this train. Repeat. There will be no vomiting on this train. (short pause) If you have to vomit, vomit on yourself.

–LIRR, Drunk Train

Overheard by: Jason

Girl to two guy friends: Last night I was traveling back on the train, and there was, like, an airsick bag in the thing and I got a craving for Gardetto’s, because the last time we were traveling… (becomes inaudible)

–Atlantic & Bond, Boerum Hill

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Boyfriend to wasted girlfriend: Baby, I swear. This is the best place in New York to throw up. (girlfriend pukes)

–MacDougal St, The Village

Overheard by: Reid Rogers

Wednesday One-Liners in Smell-O-Vision

Hipster girl: I’d rather face the stigma of buying feminine hygiene products than face the stigma of having a stinky hoo-ha.

–13th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: agreed

Girl: Remember Diana? Stinky Diana? She’s back, and she’s getting married.

–West 47th & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Peter G

Chick: If I’m going to play beer pong, I need to be fragrant.

–Sammy’s, 11th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: McF

Little boy to dad: I don’t want to go to Africa! I don’t want to smell the camels!

–5th Ave & Park Pl, Park Slope

Voice on intercom: The Children’s Section is closed due to… that smell.

–NY Public Library, East 96th St

Overheard by: Diane

Chick: So, did you smell your toilet paper?

–MoMA cafe

Overheard by: Sweettart