Archive for the ‘School’ Category

Wednesday-One-Liner and Disorderly

Student: I feel like I’m drunk. Like when I was six.

–Middle School Dance, Spanish Harlem

Six-year-old girl: I drank beer once and I went crazy!

–Central Park

Dad, about his young son who has just run face-first into a chair: Don’t worry about him, he’s just drunk.

–Indian Road Cafe, Inwood

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Five-year-old boy: Next stop, wine store!

–University & 9th St

Step Three: Revise Facts to Fit Hypothesis

Girl #1: So, you’re a vegetarian?
Girl #2: Yep. Eating animals kills.
Girl #1: Wait, but you had sushi the other night.
Girl #2: Fish doesn’t count. It’s, like, not an animal.
Girl #1: Huh? Yeah, it is. It, like, breathes and stuff.
Girl #2: But it’s underwater.
Girl #1: No, it’s an animal, ’cause it moves around and swims.
Girl #2: Then how come I can eat it?

–NYU

NewsFlash: Hipster Is Copycat. Film at 11

Artsy girl: I cant believe you took my idea!
Bearded hipster boy: My cat died and so I can use it my way.
Artsy girl: But now everyone thinks it was your idea to skin the cat! And it was mine! Next thing you know, you’ll be plucking the feathers out of birds and dipping them in blood!
Bearded hipster boy: Good idea, I think I will.
Artsy girl: Cunt!

–Outside Cooper Union School

Overheard by: jemma lower

Ugly Girls, Represent!

Sixth grader: Yo! Miss Stevens*, how old are you?
Student teacher: 20.
Sixth grader: Are you a virgin?
Student teacher: I don’t think that’s an appropriate question.
Sixth grader: Aight. It’s okay. I’m a virgin, too.

–University Neighborhood Middle School

Overheard by: teacher