Nine-year-old girl #1: My mom says that she was in so much pain giving birth to me that they had to give her surgery. My head was too big.
Nine-year-old girl #2: Your head is not big!
Nine-year-old girl #1: Yeah, but when I was a baby it was huge.
Nine-year-old girl #2: Weird. Did you have some sort of disease?
Nine-year-old girl #1: No, but when I came out I wasn’t crying, I was twirling my hair.
–Mannes College of Music
Chick: I can never understand how Native Americans stayed in such great shape, and still smoked as much as they did.
–Fordham University
Overheard by: m‑co
Construction Worker: So is Camel Toe the same as Hammer Time?
–Pace University
Overheard by: Lil
Student #1: Yo, what’s in Iceland?
Student #2: Nigga, what do you think? Ice, obviously!
Student #1: Don’t that mean Iceman lives there, then?
Student #2: Good question…
–High School for Environmental Studies, W 56th St
Chef, checking to make sure everyone has washed their hands: Are you sterile?
Older man: In more ways than one.
–Rustico Cooking Studio
Overheard by: Lobster
Twin girl #A: Yeah, she said she was going to do the school year here.
Unique girl: She came from Kentucky? Why did she come so far?
Twin girl #B: Louisiana is a state. Kentucky is another state.
Unique girl: Oh, well why’d she come to New York? Couldn’t she stay in her house in Louisiana?
Twin girl #A: Um, no, a hurricane hit New Orleans. That’s why she’s here.
Unique girl: Right, right. I forgot about that.
–Kew Gardens station
Shaggy high school boy: I totally saw her roller blading on my block.
Shaggy high school girl: Oh my god, she would be roller blading.
–Calhoun School, 81st & West End
Overheard by: Booters
Student: I feel like I’m drunk. Like when I was six.
–Middle School Dance, Spanish Harlem
Six-year-old girl: I drank beer once and I went crazy!
–Central Park
Dad, about his young son who has just run face-first into a chair: Don’t worry about him, he’s just drunk.
–Indian Road Cafe, Inwood
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Five-year-old boy: Next stop, wine store!
–University & 9th St
Girl #1: So, you’re a vegetarian?
Girl #2: Yep. Eating animals kills.
Girl #1: Wait, but you had sushi the other night.
Girl #2: Fish doesn’t count. It’s, like, not an animal.
Girl #1: Huh? Yeah, it is. It, like, breathes and stuff.
Girl #2: But it’s underwater.
Girl #1: No, it’s an animal, ’cause it moves around and swims.
Girl #2: Then how come I can eat it?
–NYU
Girl #1: I have raisins living in my bag.
Girl #2: … We really are the same person.
–Bard High School Early College
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist