Archive for the ‘School and studying’ Category

Some Half-Baked Wednesday One-Liners

Woman on cell: I have to get home so I can put away the b-o-n-g.

–19th & Broadway

Overheard by: Kyle

Man in light green suit with orange-red gators: Read the bible tonight. Don't smoke that Scooby Doobie Doo. Don't get high tonight!

–125th & Lenox

Overheard by: Plausible

Young hipster: So I said, "Mom, did you smoke with me?"

–Central Park Reservoir

Angry girlfriend to boyfriend: Okay, so you don't want me smoking pot, you don't want me smoking cigarettes or cloves, you don't want me chewing gum and now you don't like lollipops? So tell me, Peter, what can I put in my mouth that's okay with you?

–L Train

Overheard by: It's me, bitches.

Teacher: Steve*, I need to talk to your pot dealer, because the stuff you're smoking is really good.

–Cooper Union

Overheard by: me too

Guy talking on blue tooth: I should be there in about 45 minutes. (pause) Yeah, I'm serious! (pause) Look. I got an idea for ya. Why don't you go roll a big fat blunt, smoke it until you can't see anymore and then I'll be there. Alright? Bye.

–8th Ave & 27th St

Overheard by: Erica Friedman

Girl: I mean honestly, who at NYU doesn't smell like weed?

–Washington Square Park

Too Soon?

NYU girl #1: I have so much work due in this next week that it’s not even funny. I kind of want to kill myself.
NYU girl #2, glancing around: Don’t say things like that. People actually take you seriously around here.

–Starbucks, Washington Sq Park

Overheard by: prospective nyu student … or not

Wednesday Go-Down-On-Liners

Wholesome-looking man, walking with several families with kids and carrying a cross: Jesus Christ died for our sins today so that we can all give blowjobs whenever we want!

–Union Square

Girl with food: Do you think I'll get on the JumboTron if I deep throat this pickle?

–MSG: Rangers – Caps Playoff Game

40-something, during high school reunion: How dare you tell my husband I gave you a blowjob? I was a virgin in high school!

–Outside Jake's Dillemma

Women on cell: I told him, if he didn't start shampooing his pubes I would stop blowing him!

–14th St & 9th Ave

Middle-aged Romanian: I heard he gives better BJs than Santa Claus!

–Astoria

Overheard by: Crazy Romanians

The Student Has Become the Master

English teacher: We need nine groups. How many people are in there in this class? 26. So that’s nine groups with… Nine times three is 36. Times two is 18. Eight times four is 32. Times three is 24. So eight groups of three with one group of two. Count off. Okay, ones over there, twos over there, threes over there, fours over there, fives… Oh. Guys, why didn’t you catch this? I’m an English teacher for a reason!
Student #1: Why don’t you just group them in threes, like first set of three there…
Teacher: No, I wanted to mix you guys up. Alright, starting over, one to eight.
Student #1: One.
Student #2: Two.
Student #3: Three.
Student #4: One.

–Goldstein High School, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld

You Ghetto-of-the-Ivy-League Poser

Columbia student: Do you go to NYU?
NYU student: Yes, how did you know?
Columbia student: I could tell by your dirty shoes. NYU gets their students from the homeless shelter.
NYU student: Excuse me?
Columbia student: I’m your biggest enemy.
NYU student: What?
Columbia student: I go to Columbia.
NYU student: Can you leave me alone?

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Overheard by: Cooper Union Student

Wednesday One-liners

Russian lady: She loves to travel. Like some people alcoholics? She
loves to travel.

–Funayama, Greenwich Avenue

Guy on cell: Hey Maria? It’s John…from Biology…Oh, you can’t talk? OK. I love you. Bye.

–Washington Square Park

Euro chick: No silly, American football is like a girly version of rugby, they have rules and pads.

–66th & Lexington

Man: Look at all these little bananas! I don’t want none a these. These little bananas are for ladies.

–28th & Park fruit stand

Woman: You think that the players look at their butts in the mirror to see what we see?

–Yankee Stadium bleachers

Overheard by: Aryeh Jasper

Also What Freshman Orientation Is Like at Cornell.

Girl #1: Ugh, Brooklyn Tech is so odd. But the kids are mad cool. We're all like demented nerds. It's your typical urban Brooklyn high school, but with super-genius kids. Super-genius kids that ain't right in da head. But ya know, we kick ass.
Girl #2: Damn straight! Dem otha kids got nuthin on us.
Boy: Yo, you guys are whack! No wonder you are here.
Crowd of kids: Word!

–DeKalb Ave

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