Archive for the ‘Science’ Category

Much Like the Con­tin­ued Pop­u­lar­i­ty of Walk­er: Texas Ranger

Drunk guy to laugh­ing Asian: There is no the­o­ry of evolution–only a list of an­i­mals Chuck Nor­ris al­lows to live.
Girl­friend: Babe, no more Chuck Nor­ris, please!
Drunk guy: But Chuck Nor…
Girl­friend: No, give me one good rea­son you should talk about Chuck Nor­ris.
Drunk guy (with­out hes­i­ta­tion): Cause god want­ed 10 days to cre­ate the world, and Chuck Nor­ris on­ly gave him 6, do you want an 8‑day work week? Huh?
Girl­friend to friend: How did I just lose this ar­gu­ment?
Friend: Yeah, that was un­ex­pect­ed.

–Zanz­ibar Bar

Over­heard by: Wish i was chuck nor­ris

The Film­ing of Back to School II

Ed­die Iz­zard: We’ve ex­plored space, but we haven’t drilled down. You all re­mem­ber Jour­ney to the Cen­ter of the Earth. Why don’t we just drill down to the cen­ter and see the…what’s it called?
Guy: Mag­ma.
Ed­die Iz­zard: Yeah, we’ll get a heat re­sis­tant cam­era and we’ll see the mag­ma. And they’ll make a doc­u­men­tary–
Guy: It would­n’t work.
Ed­die Iz­zard: Eh?
Guy: The den­si­ty would be too in­tense.
Ed­die Iz­zard: No, we would take the rocks out be­hind us–
Guy: No, the air would be too dense. As you ap­proach the cen­ter of
the earth, the den­si­ty of the air in­creas­es.
Ed­die Iz­zard: But what if you took the rocks out?
Guy: No, the air would still be too dense.
Ed­die Iz­zard: Oh, well I guess you would know bet­ter than I. You must be some sort of sci­en­tist?
Guy: Ac­tu­al­ly, I’m an actor…but I took sci­ence class.

–The Vil­lage The­atre, Bleeck­er Street

She Blind­ed Wednes­day-One-Lin­ers with Sci­ence

Teen thug: You know, if you put’em on hot they dry faster. On hot the clothes dry faster.

–Kings­land Ave & Jack­son Ave., Willams­burg

Over­heard by: con­fab­u­la­tion na­tion

Hip­ster on cell: She thinks the en­tire world re­volves around her. What is she, the sun?

–Union Square

Would-be physi­cist: Did you ever hear of mag­net­ic re­pul­sion? Be­cause I swear to god that door has an east­ern pole or some­thing.

–Wal­greens Drug­store, Union Square

Over­heard by: kbot

Guy: So, you’ve dis­sect­ed cats be­fore?

–Lafayette & Cen­tre St

Over­heard by: Janelle

Loud chick: So I was look­ing on the In­ter­net to learn more about our plan­et and bio­di­ver­si­ty and shit, and there’s like five more ex­tinc­tions sup­posed to hap­pen! You know, like the di­nosaurs and shit!

–Ray’s Piz­za, E Hous­ton

Over­heard by: just vis­it­ing!

Soc­cer mom: He has had some re­al­ly hard so­cial stud­ies stuff… Like why the sea­sons change and the how the earth moves around the sun.

–War­ren Fields, Mur­ray & West Side High­way

Over­heard by: Soc­cer Nan­ny

Itch­ing, Burn­ing, Flak­ing Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Girl to friend: I told him you had fuck­ing mad STDs be­cause he said he want­ed to fuck you. (pause) You’re wel­come!

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Suit ex­it­ing cab: Yo, make sure you don’t give him your num­ber. He’s got crabs.

–30th Ave & 30th St, As­to­ria

Over­heard by: OhKel­lyO

Blonde 20-some­thing on phone: Ei­ther the uni­verse just proved there is no god, or he is a moth­er­fuck­ing cunt! (paus­es, then in low tone) Be­cause… I think I have her­pes.

–Bat­tery Park

Over­heard by: close enough to hear the her­pes part

Thug to thugette: I did­n’t have warts on my body till I met you.

–Metro North

Over­heard by: ba­con­ista

Guy on cell, lean­ing ca­su­al­ly against fire hy­drant: Hey, so, I just got my test re­sults back, and… uh… so I got her­pes. So… maybe you should get your­self test­ed. (pause) No, no, no. No. No! Dammit, Jes­si­ca, lis­ten, I… fuck. Sor­ry, Jen­nifer. No, I–no, I’m sor­ry, I’ve just been mak­ing this call a lot to­day. (pause) Hel­lo?

–Car­roll Gar­dens, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Kytt

Es­pe­cial­ly When It Pre­dicts a Black Hole at the Big Bang

Good look­ing brunette: Yeah, then we talked about physics.
In­trigued girl pal: Oh, re­al­ly? Why?
Good look­ing brunette: Not sure, but I re­mem­ber it turned me on.
In­trigued girl pal: Oh…
(awk­ward si­lence)
Hot guy pal: (nods head)
Good look­ing brunette: What? I re­al­ly like physics! Its the math… I re­al­ly like math.

–Park Ave

Over­heard by: an­gela