Overheard In New York

Archive for the ‘Science’ Category

Much Like the Continued Popularity of Walker: Texas Ranger

Drunk guy to laughing Asian: There is no theory of evolution–only a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
Girlfriend: Babe, no more Chuck Norris, please!
Drunk guy: But Chuck Nor…
Girlfriend: No, give me one good reason you should talk about Chuck Norris.
Drunk guy (without hesitation): Cause god wanted 10 days to create the world, and Chuck Norris only gave him 6, do you want an 8‑day work week? Huh?
Girlfriend to friend: How did I just lose this argument?
Friend: Yeah, that was unexpected.

–Zanzibar Bar

Overheard by: Wish i was chuck norris

The Filming of Back to School II

Eddie Izzard: We’ve explored space, but we haven’t drilled down. You all remember Journey to the Center of the Earth. Why don’t we just drill down to the center and see the…what’s it called?
Guy: Magma.
Eddie Izzard: Yeah, we’ll get a heat resistant camera and we’ll see the magma. And they’ll make a documentary–
Guy: It wouldn’t work.
Eddie Izzard: Eh?
Guy: The density would be too intense.
Eddie Izzard: No, we would take the rocks out behind us–
Guy: No, the air would be too dense. As you approach the center of
the earth, the density of the air increases.
Eddie Izzard: But what if you took the rocks out?
Guy: No, the air would still be too dense.
Eddie Izzard: Oh, well I guess you would know better than I. You must be some sort of scientist?
Guy: Actually, I’m an actor…but I took science class.

–The Village Theatre, Bleecker Street

She Blinded Wednesday-One-Liners with Science

Teen thug: You know, if you put’em on hot they dry faster. On hot the clothes dry faster.

–Kingsland Ave & Jackson Ave., Willamsburg

Overheard by: confabulation nation

Hipster on cell: She thinks the entire world revolves around her. What is she, the sun?

–Union Square

Would-be physicist: Did you ever hear of magnetic repulsion? Because I swear to god that door has an eastern pole or something.

–Walgreens Drugstore, Union Square

Overheard by: kbot

Guy: So, you’ve dissected cats before?

–Lafayette & Centre St

Overheard by: Janelle

Loud chick: So I was looking on the Internet to learn more about our planet and biodiversity and shit, and there’s like five more extinctions supposed to happen! You know, like the dinosaurs and shit!

–Ray’s Pizza, E Houston

Overheard by: just visiting!

Soccer mom: He has had some really hard social studies stuff… Like why the seasons change and the how the earth moves around the sun.

–Warren Fields, Murray & West Side Highway

Overheard by: Soccer Nanny

Itching, Burning, Flaking Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to friend: I told him you had fucking mad STDs because he said he wanted to fuck you. (pause) You’re welcome!

–Washington Square Park

Suit exiting cab: Yo, make sure you don’t give him your number. He’s got crabs.

–30th Ave & 30th St, Astoria

Overheard by: OhKellyO

Blonde 20-something on phone: Either the universe just proved there is no god, or he is a motherfucking cunt! (pauses, then in low tone) Because… I think I have herpes.

–Battery Park

Overheard by: close enough to hear the herpes part

Thug to thugette: I didn’t have warts on my body till I met you.

–Metro North

Overheard by: baconista

Guy on cell, leaning casually against fire hydrant: Hey, so, I just got my test results back, and… uh… so I got herpes. So… maybe you should get yourself tested. (pause) No, no, no. No. No! Dammit, Jessica, listen, I… fuck. Sorry, Jennifer. No, I–no, I’m sorry, I’ve just been making this call a lot today. (pause) Hello?

–Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Kytt