Guy: It’s just that, well, fucking you didn’t live up to my fantasy of fucking you.
Girl, after long pause: Yeah, I guess I can understand that…
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Devin
Archive for the ‘Sex’ Category
Maybe That Worked on Your Mormon Girlfriend
Skinny white guy: I’m like, really excited for that Israel parade. Like, I think it will be a really nice experience for me.
Jewish girl: Mmhmm.
Skinny white guy: No, I’m serious. I love Jews. And like, I’m not just saying it to get into your pants.
–Penn Station
Why Go to the Concert?
LI girl #1: God, I am so horny!
LI girl #2: When we get to the concert, we’ll find some guys to fuck.
–2 train
Overheard by: Triborough
Other Passengers: Dammit!
Teenage girl #1: I’m bored.
Teenage girl #2: No, I will not have sex with you now.
–N Train
Overheard by: eri
Fun with the Homeless
Two hobos are having a quarrel.
Bum: No, no, man, we can’t fuck each other; we gotta find two women to fuck!
–Herald Square
Overheard by: Todd Seavey
You Paint Such a Vivid Picture with Words
Sorostitute #1: … And I was like, ‘Uhhh!’ And she was like ‘Uhhh!’ And of course he wanted to come back to the apartment.
Sorostitute #2: Oh my god, I know!
–7th & 1st, East Village
Cue One Hour of Mom Screaming
Little girl: Ew, sex, gross!
Mother: Sex isn’t gross. It’s natural and it can be a very beautiful thing.
Little girl: You wouldn’t say that if you heard what Eleanor told me.
–N train
Overheard by: Tom Brigham
You Have to Pass Asshole 101 to Get Into All Your Girlfriend’s Friends
High school girl #1: I think they give them a class on it.
High school girl #2: Called what? How to be a complete asshole and sleep with all of your girlfriend’s friends?
–Dalton School, Upper East Side
The Au Jus Of Wednesday One-Liners
11 year-old boy throwing water balloon back and forth: It’s like a hymen, perfectly intact after a minor rape! (balloon is thrown to him and bursts all over him) Oh, sweet hymen juices!
–Tompkins Square Park
Eight-year-old boy to another: God, just drink your spit!
–90th St & 2nd Ave
Drunk hobo with hand-down pants: I’m not going to ejaculate! (repeats it over and over)
–D Train
Overheard by: seat changer
Blind woman to blind friend: Sweaty people suck.
–W 23rd Street
Overheard by: Cool and Dry
Little girl: I don’t like boys! They’re mean and they sweat a lot!
–2nd & Ave A
Young girl to boy: Ewwww, I’m dripping cum!
–Hester & Allen
Overheard by: lower east side
Like That Song “Beat Me Off Before You Go Go”
Construction worker #1: Yeah, she brought out the body oil and was rubbing it every! I was like “I don’t think I’m going to last too long now!“
Construction worker #2: That’s one of those dates where you really need to beat off before you go! You really gotta hit the testicles!
–42nd St & 8th Ave
