Archive for the ‘Sexuality’ Category

Threeway One-Liners

Sulky waitress at family restaurant, complaining about management: I could be home right now having a threesome, but Chris won’t let me leave.

–Astoria, Queens

Overheard by: Inkling

35-year-old camp Asian man on cell: Yo, girl! (pause) Hell no, I have no idea what shit went down last night. (pause) Oh-em-gee! All I know is I woke up with five guys.

–R Train

Overheard by: Abby and Holly

20-something college boy: I mean, there’s no “I” in “threesome.”

–Union Square

Guy to his friends: Yeah, I haven’t decided what guy I would tag-team a girl with yet.

–Hairy Monk, 25th & 3rd

African American guy to hipster girl: It was the worst orgy I’ve ever been to. Nothing but kids and clothes everywhere you looked.

–48th St & Broadway

Overheard by: RevLina, The Pain-Proof Girl

La Cage Aux Wednesday One-Liners

Queer on cell: And then, at the end of the evening, I was like, ‘Ta ta, motherfucker.’

–PATH train from Hoboken

Queer: There’s no such thing as gay and straight. I think of it more in terms of what people will let me do to them.

–101st & Broadway

Queer: She is so annoying. I’m like, ‘I’ll pay for your coffin, just die already!’

–E train

Overheard by: Miss Meliss

Flaming queer on cell: Hello? Are you listening to me? Are you listening, faggot? Faggot, faggot, faggot, faggot!

–Broadway & Astor Pl

Overheard by: Renee B.

Proud queer: Today was the first time in years I peed like this! [Holds hands up] Didn’t have to wash my hands because I didn’t use ’em!

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Hametuka

Queer: Her name is Dakota! It’s just awful. Her parents hate her.

–Fordham Law School

Overheard by: emily

Oscar Wilde’s Wednesday One-Liners

Dude: I’d make out with Joshua* for non-gay reasons.

–Forest Ave, Staten Island

Overheard by: lol

Professor: A bar is not always a bar. You walk into a gay bar and you’ll see it’s not your ordinary bar. In ordinary bars men get excited and yell at the television. In gay bars men get excited, yell at each other, and hold hands!

–Freshman writing class, NYU

Overheard by: elle woods-chelseahuckabay

Professional queer to friend: It’s my mission to bring gay to everything, including bullet points.

–Urge, 2nd & 2nd

Overheard by: John

Queer: The Tony Award nominations were announced this morning, and now Jerry Falwell is dead. It’s such a great day to be gay!

–Union Square

Man: Yeah, we had the baby. Then I told her I was gay.

–103rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Kathleen

Thug on cell: The problem is that I have a faggy face! My face is just too faggy!

–42nd, between Broadway & 8th

Overheard by: Kitty

Suit: I love you, man! If I were gay, you’d be the first ass I’d bang.

–Houston & 6th

Overheard by: JEI