Archive for the ‘Sexuality’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers En­joy Team Sports

20-some­thing guy on Black­Ber­ry: No, he’s not gay. I was in a five­some with him, but he’s not gay.

–L Train

Girl to gay friend af­ter walk­ing in­to gay bar: Dude, ei­ther find me a straight boy or two Asians that will let me watch.

–NYC

Girl to guy friends: I mean, he’s okay he had the threesome–the guy was his best friend!

–8th St & 5th Ave

An­gry woman on phone: While you’re out hav­ing or­gies I am do­ing the re­al work!

–Vic­to­ri­an Flat­bush

Pre­ten­tious pro­fes­sor type in aca­d­e­m­ic tone: My ex had un­re­al­is­tic fan­tasies. She used to dream about be­ing fucked by God and Sa­tan and the same time. How could I live up to that?

–NYU

…And Now I’m Erect.

Hip­ster #1: I’m not a hip­ster. I’m a bi­sex­u­al Jew with a pen­chant for in­tern­ing at al­ter­na­tive mag­a­zines and week­lies.
Hip­ster #2: You’ve got the words “bi­sex­u­al, Jew, pen­chant, in­tern­ing,” and “al­ter­na­tive” in a sin­gle sen­tence. Dude, that is the de­f­i­n­i­tion of hip­ster.

–Think Cof­fee

Wednes­day One-Lit­ters

Lit­tle girl to moth­er: I don’t wan­na be a lawyer any­more, when I grow up I wan­na be a cat!

–Chelsea

Woman to friend: I mean, he’s just so an­ti-so­cial! He has like 19 cats!

–Lafayette & Prince

Girl to friend: My cat is a flam­ing ho­mo­sex­u­al.

–34th & 5th

Girl: And so she says, “let’s fol­low the cat!” So we do, and the cat leads us to a pile of hero­in!

–Cafe­te­ria, Barnard Col­lege

These Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Brought to You by Birken­stock

Guy to bud­dy: Dude, we are ac­tu­al­ly a les­bian cou­ple.

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: So­fa

Loud woman on cell: Did you know that De­vah­n­dra had a ba­by? Yeah, a girl. What hap­pened to be­ing a les­bian? Yeah, I guess that one went kin­da short.

–Bx16 bus

Over­heard by: Lil­lian

LI man: … And then the les­bians — they sur­round­ed me.

–LIRR, Ja­maica

Over­heard by: wish they had been sur­round­ing ME

Hip­ster: She thought she was a les­bian, but she was a midget.

–L train

Suit to fe­male com­pan­ion: Even les­bians have to eat!

–34th St

Over­heard by: oh, is that why i’m so hun­gry?