Archive for the ‘Shea Stadium’ Category

Wednes­days Are Pro­found­ly One-Linered

Yan­kees fan to Mets friends: When we go to the Yan­kees sta­di­um I’ll be like a re­tard at a Chuck E. Cheese.

–Shea Sta­di­um

Over­heard by: Da­nial

Po­lice of­fi­cer in van, on loud­speak­er: Move to the right! (peo­ple in cars ig­nore the or­der) Re­tards! You heard me! Move to the right!

–27th St & 10th Ave

Crazy guy, rant­i­ng: You can’t have sex with peo­ple who aren’t re­tard­ed be­cause they charge too damn much!

–V Train

Over­heard by: Ryan P.

Guy to girl: I nev­er said that I was­n’t re­tard­ed. Tech­ni­cal­ly, I’m not a hyp­ocrite.

–L Train

Over­heard by: Ju­lia

Heav­i­ly made-up girl: Do you think re­tard­ed peo­ple are, like, con­cep­tu­al­ly aware that they’re re­tard­ed?

–6 Train

Over­heard by: You tell me

Girl: The idea of a re­tard­ed Jack Rus­sell Ter­ri­er is com­plete­ly for­eign to me, be­cause as I re­call, Wish­bone was ex­cep­tion­al­ly well-read.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Don’t Hate the Wednes­day One-Lin­er, Hate the Game

(a pi­geon flies up to a ram­bling bike mes­sen­ger)
Bike mes­sen­ger: Hey, bird. Whad­da ya say? How you do­ing? You play base­ball? What po­si­tion? First base? Third? Catch­er?

–47th & Madi­son

Ditzy teen on cell: Why can’t they, like, have two foot­balls in­stead so both teams could score?

–Doc­tor’s Of­fice, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Robert Gley­ber­man

Pro­fes­sor: Did I tell you guys I’m get­ting in­to pro­fes­sion­al wrestling?

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty, Lin­coln Cen­ter

Over­heard by: Did­n’t want the de­tails

Guy to an­oth­er, scream­ing at the top of his lungs: It’s fuck­ing field hock­ey! It’s a girl’s sport! Why are you even on the team?! You make me sick!

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Scott Ju­rkows­ki

Train con­duc­tor, an­nounc­ing stop: Wil­lets point, Shea Stadium…home of that *oth­er* team.

–Wil­lets Point, Queens

Over­heard by: Ran­dom Asian Chick

Well Met on Open­ing Day

Guy on cell: Hey, what’s up?…I’m at the Met game…The Mets are up 2 to 1, but Wash­ing­ton has 2 men on and no­body out…Two-one. No outs.
Guy #2: There’s one out.
Guy on cell: Oh, sor­ry. One out. We’ve been here since 8 and I’ve been drink­ing since 8:30. I’m wasted…Listen, Ma, I got­ta go, I’m miss­ing the game.

He hangs up.

Guy #1: My moth­er calls to get the score. Turn on the ra­dio!

–Shea Sta­di­um

Dude: Hey, Car­los! Steal sec­ond, I won’t tell any­body!

–Shea Sta­di­um

Dude: Get off your knees; you’re blow­ing the game!

–Shea Sta­di­um

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Add a Lit­tle Some­thing Ex­tra

Dad: Okay, girls! Now, we’re on a very tight bud­get — you can get ketchup, mus­tard, or bar­be­cue sauce.

–Shea Sta­di­um

Over­heard by: bill R

Girl: Ap­par­ent­ly I ate an en­tire jar of mus­tard.

–Bard High School Ear­ly Col­lege

Over­heard by: and did­n’t no­tice?

Hot guy on cell: That’s fine, but I just don’t want to find the tele­vi­sion smeared with peanut but­ter this time…

–96th & CPW

White chick: La Choy is the white trash of soy sauce!

–113th St

Over­heard by: Meis­ter E.

Man to hobo: If I had any more but­ter, I would give it to you, but I don’t be­cause I used it al­ready.

–Howard St

Over­heard by: havarthe

Foxy la­dy, to fe­male din­ing com­pan­ion: I could pour ketchup in your cleav­age and dip a fry in it… Just dip it in! Why are peo­ple star­ing at us?

–Rel­ish, Williams­burg

Over­heard by: Justin Case­ment

Wednes­day One-Lin­er: What Is It Good For?

Clean­er: What a pair of tits on that girl! That’s why we go to war, that’s why we’re in Iraq!

–Ser­vice El­e­va­tor, Lex­ing­ton & 41st St

Over­heard by: Nicky

An­noy­ing chick, about John Mc­Cain: I mean, he was a POW be­cause he fucked up!

–Shea Sta­di­um

Over­heard by: megan

Se­cu­ri­ty guard, break­ing up fight dur­ing peace march: You can’t fight at the peace march! You can’t fight at the peace march!

–143 & Mal­colm X

Woman to scream­ing three-year-old: And that’s why you have to reg­is­ter to vote! Or else they’ll draft you and you’ll have to go to war!

–33rd & 2nd

Girl on phone: I can just get a pass from the Is­raeli army. Don’t wor­ry about it. They’re easy.

–NYU Pal­la­di­um Din­ing Hall

For Some Rea­son, af­ter That Game We Drift­ed Apart

Guy, as David Wright comes up to bat and sta­di­um erupts with cheers: Oooh, all the girls want David Wright.
Girl­friend: He’s pret­ty good-look­ing… He’s a hot­tie.
Guy: I’d to­tal­ly do him… Yep, I would fuck David Wright even if he was­n’t on the Mets.

–Shea Sta­di­um

Over­heard by: Mov­ing a few rows back…