Archive for the ‘Shea Stadium’ Category

Don’t Hate the Wednes­day One-Lin­er, Hate the Game

(a pi­geon flies up to a ram­bling bike mes­sen­ger)
Bike mes­sen­ger: Hey, bird. Whad­da ya say? How you do­ing? You play base­ball? What po­si­tion? First base? Third? Catch­er?

–47th & Madi­son

Ditzy teen on cell: Why can’t they, like, have two foot­balls in­stead so both teams could score?

–Doc­tor’s Of­fice, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Robert Gley­ber­man

Pro­fes­sor: Did I tell you guys I’m get­ting in­to pro­fes­sion­al wrestling?

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty, Lin­coln Cen­ter

Over­heard by: Did­n’t want the de­tails

Guy to an­oth­er, scream­ing at the top of his lungs: It’s fuck­ing field hock­ey! It’s a girl’s sport! Why are you even on the team?! You make me sick!

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Scott Ju­rkows­ki

Train con­duc­tor, an­nounc­ing stop: Wil­lets point, Shea Stadium…home of that *oth­er* team.

–Wil­lets Point, Queens

Over­heard by: Ran­dom Asian Chick

Well Met on Open­ing Day

Guy on cell: Hey, what’s up?…I’m at the Met game…The Mets are up 2 to 1, but Wash­ing­ton has 2 men on and no­body out…Two-one. No outs.
Guy #2: There’s one out.
Guy on cell: Oh, sor­ry. One out. We’ve been here since 8 and I’ve been drink­ing since 8:30. I’m wasted…Listen, Ma, I got­ta go, I’m miss­ing the game.

He hangs up.

Guy #1: My moth­er calls to get the score. Turn on the ra­dio!

–Shea Sta­di­um

Dude: Hey, Car­los! Steal sec­ond, I won’t tell any­body!

–Shea Sta­di­um

Dude: Get off your knees; you’re blow­ing the game!

–Shea Sta­di­um

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Add a Lit­tle Some­thing Ex­tra

Dad: Okay, girls! Now, we’re on a very tight bud­get — you can get ketchup, mus­tard, or bar­be­cue sauce.

–Shea Sta­di­um

Over­heard by: bill R

Girl: Ap­par­ent­ly I ate an en­tire jar of mus­tard.

–Bard High School Ear­ly Col­lege

Over­heard by: and did­n’t no­tice?

Hot guy on cell: That’s fine, but I just don’t want to find the tele­vi­sion smeared with peanut but­ter this time…

–96th & CPW

White chick: La Choy is the white trash of soy sauce!

–113th St

Over­heard by: Meis­ter E.

Man to hobo: If I had any more but­ter, I would give it to you, but I don’t be­cause I used it al­ready.

–Howard St

Over­heard by: havarthe

Foxy la­dy, to fe­male din­ing com­pan­ion: I could pour ketchup in your cleav­age and dip a fry in it… Just dip it in! Why are peo­ple star­ing at us?

–Rel­ish, Williams­burg

Over­heard by: Justin Case­ment

Wednes­day One-Lin­er: What Is It Good For?

Clean­er: What a pair of tits on that girl! That’s why we go to war, that’s why we’re in Iraq!

–Ser­vice El­e­va­tor, Lex­ing­ton & 41st St

Over­heard by: Nicky

An­noy­ing chick, about John Mc­Cain: I mean, he was a POW be­cause he fucked up!

–Shea Sta­di­um

Over­heard by: megan

Se­cu­ri­ty guard, break­ing up fight dur­ing peace march: You can’t fight at the peace march! You can’t fight at the peace march!

–143 & Mal­colm X

Woman to scream­ing three-year-old: And that’s why you have to reg­is­ter to vote! Or else they’ll draft you and you’ll have to go to war!

–33rd & 2nd

Girl on phone: I can just get a pass from the Is­raeli army. Don’t wor­ry about it. They’re easy.

–NYU Pal­la­di­um Din­ing Hall

For Some Rea­son, af­ter That Game We Drift­ed Apart

Guy, as David Wright comes up to bat and sta­di­um erupts with cheers: Oooh, all the girls want David Wright.
Girl­friend: He’s pret­ty good-look­ing… He’s a hot­tie.
Guy: I’d to­tal­ly do him… Yep, I would fuck David Wright even if he was­n’t on the Mets.

–Shea Sta­di­um

Over­heard by: Mov­ing a few rows back…

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Want to Know What Makes the Law & Or­der Sound

Law pro­fes­sor: Some­times you just want to tell your client, “Wake the fuck up!”

–NYU Law School

Law stu­dent on cell: Well, it’s hard to lo­cate them, since I don’t know who they are.

–Co­lum­bia Law School

Over­heard by: arct­i­nus

Old­er look­ing woman on cell: No, don’t fight him, Hen­ry. We’re Jew­ish. God gave us lawyers for a rea­son.

–42nd & Av­enue of the Amer­i­c­as

Over­heard by: Eliz­a­beth

Awe­some judge: If you do not have a ba­sic un­der­stand­ing of the Eng­lish lan­guage, you will not be able to serve. If you can­not un­der­stand what I’m say­ing, please come up now. Now, two trans­la­tors will trans­late what I just said. If you un­der­stood what I said, ob­vi­ous­ly don’t come up here.

–Supreme Court Build­ing

Suit to girl: You must be a lawyer. (pause) Or a cunt.

–Bryant Park

Over­heard by: How did he know?

Thug: Don’t say any­thing to her! Don’t you know any­thing you say can and will be used against you in a court of law?

–132nd & St. Nicholas

Drunk lawyer on phone: Yeah! I con­vict rape vic­tims.

–Out­side Shea Sta­di­um