Archive for the ‘Shea Stadium’ Category

Wednes­days Are Pro­found­ly One-Linered

Yan­kees fan to Mets friends: When we go to the Yan­kees sta­di­um I’ll be like a re­tard at a Chuck E. Cheese.

–Shea Sta­di­um

Over­heard by: Da­nial

Po­lice of­fi­cer in van, on loud­speak­er: Move to the right! (peo­ple in cars ig­nore the or­der) Re­tards! You heard me! Move to the right!

–27th St & 10th Ave

Crazy guy, rant­i­ng: You can’t have sex with peo­ple who aren’t re­tard­ed be­cause they charge too damn much!

–V Train

Over­heard by: Ryan P.

Guy to girl: I nev­er said that I was­n’t re­tard­ed. Tech­ni­cal­ly, I’m not a hyp­ocrite.

–L Train

Over­heard by: Ju­lia

Heav­i­ly made-up girl: Do you think re­tard­ed peo­ple are, like, con­cep­tu­al­ly aware that they’re re­tard­ed?

–6 Train

Over­heard by: You tell me

Girl: The idea of a re­tard­ed Jack Rus­sell Ter­ri­er is com­plete­ly for­eign to me, be­cause as I re­call, Wish­bone was ex­cep­tion­al­ly well-read.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

You Want Wednes­day One-Lin­ers? We Got ’em!

Man hand­ing out New York Post: New York Post! If you’re il­lit­er­ate, on­ly 75 cents! If you on­ly lookin at pic­tures, 50 cents!

–6th Ave & W 8th St

Over­heard by: la­dy v

Man sell­ing cot­ton can­dy: Get your cot­ton can­dy here! Cot­ton can­dy! I got your all-nat­ur­al blue fibers of sug­ar right here! Straight from the blue cot­ton fields of…Virginia! Cot­ton can­dy, here!

–Shea Sta­di­um

Street per­fume sell­er to brows­er: You like Ve­ra Wang, princess? This is gen­uine Wang.

–34th & 6th

Over­heard by: Weary Com­munter

Street ven­dor: Hey, where are you ladies from? (two teenage girls walk by) Oh, that’s cool, that’s cool, I think I have a friend that lives there!

–7th & 40th

Over­heard by: Tiffany

AM New York guy: Sir, would you like a pa­per this morn­ing? No? No? (shakes head and looks at the ground) I don’t care. (pause) It’s okay, I don’t care.

–145th & St. Nich

Over­heard by: sor­ry char­lie

Fake purse sales­man: Guc­ci makes the coochie go woo woo!

–Times Square

Trans Day at Shea

Drunk guy #1: Al­right, just say­ing, if all of us and our friends were chicks, who would get a boob job?
Drunk guy #2: Oh, def­i­nite­ly Mike*. You know, I would def­i­nite­ly say him. He’s pret­ty vain.
(two in­nings and many beers lat­er)
Drunk guy #1: Al­right, if we all were chicks, who’d be clean shaven?
Drunk guy #3: It’d be Steve*. I mean, he al­ready man­scapes!

–Shea Sta­di­um

Over­heard by: Num­ber 6

Head­line by: ste­phie

Run­ners-Up:
· “Al­right, If We All Were Chicks, What Base Would You Go to With Me?” — Rosie
· “And Which One Would Go Les­bian With Me?” — Mered­ith
· “And to An­swer Your Next Ques­tion, Frank Al­ready Does Anal So.….” — I’d shave too.
· “How We End­ed Up Giv­ing One An­oth­er Head, But Not in a Gay Way” — Ri­onn Fears Malechem
· “Then Raise Your Beers and An­swer Me This, “Who Would Swal­low?”” — Bobo D Clown

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