Archive for the ‘Shoes’ Category

You Ghet­to-of-the-Ivy-League Pos­er

Co­lum­bia stu­dent: Do you go to NYU?
NYU stu­dent: Yes, how did you know?
Co­lum­bia stu­dent: I could tell by your dirty shoes. NYU gets their stu­dents from the home­less shel­ter.
NYU stu­dent: Ex­cuse me?
Co­lum­bia stu­dent: I’m your biggest en­e­my.
NYU stu­dent: What?
Co­lum­bia stu­dent: I go to Co­lum­bia.
NYU stu­dent: Can you leave me alone?

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Over­heard by: Coop­er Union Stu­dent

Where They Make Us Take a Re­fresh­er Course on Eth­nic Stereo­types Bian­nu­al­ly

Mus­cu­lar mook with sweet trib­al tat­too, dri­ving Toy­ota Tun­dra, yelling on cell: Some­one stole my fuck­ing knap­sack! It had my fuck­ing Mer­ril­l’s. My Sper­ry’s. If I see some­one wear­ing Sper­ry’s, I will fuck­ing crush them.
Tajik­istani cab dri­ver: That is the bad kind of Ital­ian. I should know, I live in Bay Ridge.

–53rd & 9th Ave

What? Sex?

Eight-year old boy, bare­ly au­di­bly: Do you have any kid’s shoes?
Mid­dle aged clerk: Do I have sex? (pause) Well…
Eight-year old boy, slight­ly more au­di­bly: Naw, do you have any kid’s shoes?
Mid­dle aged clerk: Kids? Yes. I’ve got one 24 and one 19. I know they’re not re­al­ly kids, but they still seem like it to me.
Eight-year-old boy: Naw, naw! (loud­ly) I said “do you have any kid’s shoes?”

–Shoe Store, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Ere­mi

For Emi­ly, Wher­ev­er This Quote May Find Her

Guy on cell talk­ing loud­ly: Where the fuck are you, Emi­ly? (pause) Are you shop­ping? Don’t lie to me, Emi­ly! I will come over there and fuck­ing beat the dogshit out of you. (pause) I don’t care if I go to jail, it will be worth it to slap your ly­ing ass around. (pause) You don’t buy me shit, Emi­ly. Do you buy me my un­der­wear? No! Do you buy me socks? No! I do. What about all those purs­es and shoes you have? Me!
Ran­dom Do­mini­can teenage girl: Damn, Emi­ly re­al­ly don’t buy him noth­ing.

–Lucky Star Bus

Over­heard by: chi­na­town bus trav­el­er

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Too Ashamed to Wear Last Year’s Blah­niks

La­dy look­ing at an­oth­er wom­an’s Ro­man san­dals: I don’t like those Je­sus-lookin’ san­dals!

–The Vil­lage

Girl: Do flats make your butt look big?

–9th St & 3rd Ave

Over­heard by: Matt Mor­gan

Guy with faux-hawk: You know in Pee-wee’s Big Ad­ven­ture, af­ter he los­es his bike and every­one around him is rid­ing bi­cy­cles? I feel that way with high-tops right now.

–14th & 1st

Over­heard by: Heather

(trendy, skin­ny, Up­per West Side woman on side­walk is star­ing down at her feet and look­ing con­cerned)
Prep­py 30-some­thing boyfriend: I think your toes look bet­ter in those san­dals.

–86th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Sushene

Girl: My un­cle is gay, like, fly­ing-out-of-his-loafers gay.

–W 67th & Broad­way

Over­heard by:

Fe­male cop to two male cops: So he’s stand­ing there, re­al­ly well dressed, nice shoes, and all of a sud­den he pulls out this big, big (voice drops) bon­er, and says “Give me the shoes!”

–Con­ti­nen­tal Ave Sta­tion, For­est Hills