Archive for the ‘Shoes’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Mas­ters of Their Own Ver­bal Do­main

Guy: They’re squat­ters and ravers. They squat and rave…They squa­ve.

–Belle and Se­bas­t­ian show, Bat­tery Park

Over­heard by: Lacey

Suit: You know how some peo­ple wing it? Well I wanged it. I to­tal­ly wanged it.

–52nd & 7th

Over­heard by: Jat­mos

Asian guy: It seems like every­one is giv­ing head­jobs these days.

–Flinders St

Over­heard by: duygu

Fe­male nurse: I’m telling you, he is to­tal­ly in­ter­con­ti­nen­tal. I have to change him 4 times a day.

–Hud­son & Spring

Over­heard by: AJ Stone

Word­smith, on the phone: Ma’am, her train is be­ing de­layed be­cause of con­sti­pa­tion.

–Of­fice, 1250 Broad­way

Teen on cell: He’s not very smart…Yeah, I just need some­one to con­ver­sate with.

–Ma­cy’s

Over­heard by: Chelsea

Col­lege guy: The word “se­cre­tion” just fucks me up.

–NYU

10-Year-Old boy: I ain’t speakin’ no lan­guage.

–B48 bus, Franklin & DeKalb

Over­heard by: Kyri

Tourist: Sex­u­al at­ten­tion is the on­ly lan­guage I re­al­ly un­der­stand.

–Around the Clock Din­er, Stuyvesant & 3rd Ave

Over­heard by: gwe­ny

Woman: The les­bians don’t like the Jews…I mean the Lebanese.

–Par­ty, 16th & 1st

Girl: Stop star­ing at all the build­ings, you look like a terrorist!…I mean tourist. Same thing.

–8th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: ce­ci

Girl: Oh, my shoes to­tal­ly fell asleep…Fell asleep? Fell apart!

–Fort Greene Park, Brook­lyn

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Work­ing on a Per­fume Line

Flus­tered suit pac­ing along street: Just let­ting you know I got a FedEx from Bruce Willis, I guess he fi­nal­ly de­cid­ed to pay his bills.

–84th St

Over­heard by: mikaela

Man to din­ner com­pan­ion: So did you know Mia Far­row is do­ing a hunger strike? Be­cause of what’s hap­pen­ing in Dar­fur? I hope she dies.

–Red Bam­boo, West Vil­lage

Trans­ves­tite: Damn, that girl looks like Brooke Shields. Damn, that white girl in the blue shoes looks like Brooke Shields.

–4 Train

Man giv­ing out Metro news­pa­per: Metro! Metro! Whoooeee, ba­by, you look­ing like Jen­nifer Lopez! Metro!

–7 Train

Suit on cell: If he does it again I am go­ing to get all Chuck Wool­ery on his ass!

–Gold St

Coun­try Mouse, Wednes­day One-Lin­er Mouse

Very hap­py male suit wear­ing slip­pers, shuf­fling down to the sub­way: If you can wear slip­pers in New York, you can wear slip­pers any­where.

–2 Train

Over­heard by: Lara

Suit on cell: I’m so glad to be in New York, where every­one is so mel­low and every­one talks Amer­i­can.

–Di­Fara Pizze­ria

Guy to date: That’s what I love about New York–people wear dif­fer­ent out­fits.

–Out­side Deluxe, 113th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: La­dle

Dad to pre­teen daugh­ter: See, I re­al­ly don’t have is­sues with cit­i­zens not from New York city.

–For­est Hills

Over­heard by: de­pends on cit­i­zens

Woman on cell: I’m in New York, where Sesame Street lives.

–52nd & 7th

Over­heard by: AEVRed

South­ern la­dy on cell: I have to say I’m dis­ap­point­ed. I thought the Wal-Mart in New York would be amaz­ing. Ya’ll don’t even have a Wal-Mart.

–Du­ane Reade, 34th & 8th

Oth­er Girls: Die, Tiny Skanks, Die!

Stu­dent #1: Oh, all the t‑shirts are medi­ums.
Stu­dent #2: Well, that’s okay, that just means they’ll be re­al­ly long. Like a dress!
Stu­dent #1: Oh my god, we could to­tal­ly wear them as dress­es, with like, tights and cow­boy boots.
Stu­dent #2: We would.
Stu­dent #1: We so would.

–NYU Kim­mel Cen­ter

Over­heard by: right be­hind them in line…

My Sis­ter’s Room­mate’s Cousin Knows Wednes­day One-Lin­er’s Agent

Young thug in crooked base­ball hat to fe­male friend: No, every­one should have the right to love Tom Cruise.

–41st & Lex­ing­ton

40-some­thing Mid­west tourist to 40-some­thing friends: Yeah, this is where Mi­ley Cyrus was stay­ing. (points to Sher­a­ton ho­tel, friends gasp in ex­cite­ment)

–53rd & 7th

Tourist son to mom: Let’s go to the park and watch Jer­ry Se­in­feld play soft­ball.

–67th & Cen­tral Park West

Over­heard by: Q

Ran­dom guy out­side on cor­ner: Yo, I just saw Phil Don­ahue. I just saw him walk­ing down the street… (starts to sing in Cops theme song style) Whatchu gonna do when Phil Don­ahue comes for you? (pause) Yo, Phil Don­ahue is a crazy moth­er­fuck­er!

–As­to­ria Boule­vard, Queens

Girl on cell: Yeah, but I tow­er over him when I wear heels…and I’m not ex­act­ly sure if I’m ready to be Katie Holmes to his Tom Cruise.

–33rd & Broad­way

Woman: Every­where I go, I see ei­ther some­one I know or a celebri­ty!

–69th & Colum­bus

Lit­tle boy to moth­er: Oooh…I thought Mal­colm X was a singer.

–Flat­bush & Beek­man

Over­heard by: Chelsea