Guy: What about a trampoline?
Girl: Nah, it was more fun in a shopping cart.
–5th & Broadway
Archive for the ‘Shopping’ Category
Maybe Somewhere They Sell Mangina
6th grader boy: So, my whole life I've heard pussy is great…
6th grader girl: And?
6th grader boy: Well, I tried it… and it ain't that great.
6th grader girl: Why?
6th grader boy: It tasted weird. (pause) Next time I'll buy it from somewhere else.
–116th St & 2nd Ave
NewsFlash: New Jersey Builds Immigration Wall
Yuppie on cell cutting long line, to cashier: I’d like to buy some cookies.
Cashier: Um, the line starts back there, sir.
Yuppie, into cell: I hate the fucking East Side. Everyone thinks they’re hot shit. I can’t figure out this fucking line — all I want to do is buy some fucking cookies… New Jersey is my destiny.
–Bakery, 70th & Lex
So We Know It's Fierce
Boyfriend: I guess we can get some stuff at Gristedes, the ghetto grocery.
Girlfriend: Gristedes isn't ghetto! It was on Project Runway!
–Gristedes
Overheard by: Fox
What Happens to Hugh Hefner's Exes, 20 Years Later
Girl #1: Wow, the Easter Bunny stuffed animals are on sale.
Girl #2: Let's buy some for your sister.
Crazy lady: You can buy one bunny. You can buy lots of bunnies! And then they'll take you away!
–Duene Reade
Overheard by: Bunny Attack?
Don’t Worry, I Know a Guy Who Can Score Some
Girl #1: Do you have Laughing Cow cheese, you know the little button cheeses?
Cheese counter guy: Sorry, we don’t have that.
Girl #1: Can I find it anywhere in the store?
Cheese counter guy: No, since it has preservatives, we don’t sell it here at Whole Foods.
Girl #2: No wonder my doctor doesn’t allow me to have them.
–Whole Foods, Time Warner Center
Overheard by: George
This Just Prepares Them For Wives of Their Own
Mother, to her kids: Now here’s what you do -you go into the store, give the receipt to the cashier, and buy something else.
[Kids leave.]Mother, to herself: You are not getting me a mop for mother’s day, no sir.
–6th Ave
Overheard by: J.R.
Why Pillbox Hats Are Making a Comeback
Preppy girl: I wonder why celebrities do so many drugs.
Queen: Honey, you can only buy so much couture.
–F Train
The Ugly Business of Wednesday One-Liners
Agitated papi: I love him like a brother, but he a fuckin’ inconsiderate, ungrateful, selfish bastard! And he got a ugly baby!
–14th & University
Overheard by: Manhattman
Young Kid: New York is ugly!
–JFK
Overheard by: Latoya Siratana
Wise teen girl: That’s not giving up on him. That’s letting him fuck uglier girls.
–Brooklyn Bridge
Overheard by: walking the bridge
Giggling little girl in stroller: I’m ugly! I’m ugly! I’m ugly! I’m ugly! I’m ugly…!
–Downtown R train
Older woman to complete stranger: You should really stop eating that crap because it’s going to make you uglier than you already are!
–Fairway, W 73rd St
Overheard by: just trying to buy my groceries…
B&T guy: As I was saying, just ’cause you’re ugly, don’t mean you’re smart.
–Lower East Side
Would You Like One, Though?
Duane Reade cashier: Do you have a club card?
Crazy hobo: No, I don't have a club card. I work my way through this life. I don't need nobody doin' me no favors. A favor is like a handjob. I don't need one.
–Duane Reade