Archive for the ‘Shopping’ Category

Like Be­ing Pum­meled by Thou­sands of Tiny Penis­es

Sales­man demon­strat­ing mas­sager on self: It’s sup­posed to be heavy so that the weight of it helps mas­sage your shoul­ders.
Mid­dle-aged woman, unim­pressed: What about that one?
Sales­man, pick­ing up new mas­sager: This is a vi­bra­tor.
Mid­dle-aged woman: [Stunned silence.]Salesman: Uh, I mean, it op­er­ates us­ing vi­bra­tion — the first one’s called a per­cus­sion mas­sager. It’s just a… dif­fer­ent type of mas­sager.

–Brook­stone, Man­hat­tan Mall

Over­heard by: she did­n’t buy ei­ther one

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Ride a Ves­pa

Hip­ster on cell: I’m not even buy­ing any­thing. I’m just here to be seen.

–Trad­er Joe’s

Hip­ster boy: I loves me some mas­ter race!

–Lob­by, the Met

Over­heard by: Shay­na

Tip­sy hip­ster girl: Wine is so, like, the blood of the gods!

–W 4th & Christo­pher St

Hip­ster guy: I think the most tru­ly good per­son who’s ever been on this earth was Gand­hi. Or maybe Mar­tin Luther King, Ju­nior… But he was black.

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Ghan­di was In­di­an..

Drunk chick: What kind of hip­sters are you that you won’t fuck a girl just be­cause she wants to wear a Sailor Moon cos­tume?

–St. Mark’s Pl

It On­ly Got Worse When She Whipped out an Aba­cus

La­dy #1: That’s cute. [Ges­tur­ing to jun­gle-print stretchy book cov­er.] Where’d you get it?
La­dy #2: The 99-cent store.
La­dy #1: How much was it?

Head­line by: pee­tow­er

Run­ners-Up:

· “And what did it cost to in­stall it?” — Jer­ry Jeff

· “Green.” — sandie

· “The same as one of your “ser­vices”” — Nu­mer­i­ca

· “There are three kinds of peo­ple in the world–those than can count and those who can’t” — Cousin Al

· “What’s in a name, re­al­ly?” — Ri­onn Fears Malechem


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