Older man: You get on my nerves… You get on my nerves, and I do not want to be arrested for beating a child.
Kid, cheerfully: You won’t!
–Staples, Broadway & 184th St
Overheard by: prefers them over easy
Archive for the ‘Should've Used a Condom’ Category
I Knew We Shouldn’t Have Moved to Chelsea
Little girl: Where are we going now?
Mother: Chinatown.
Little girl: Vagina town?
Mother, chuckling: No — China-town.
Little girl, coyly: Well, I live in peeenis-town.
Mother: Okay, Lila.
–Union Square
Overheard by: S.S.
At Least Let Me Purell It First
Little boy: (making loud fake chewing noises progressively getting louder)
Mom: Quiet down now!
Little boy: But mom, look, I’m chewing my arm!
–Manhattan Express Bus #9
Overheard by: Jessica R
At Least I’m Not Adopted
Little girl, in very loud voice: Mommy, how old are you?
Older woman: Twenty-two.
Little girl: No, you’re not! You’re like fifty something!
–JFK
Cue One Hour of Mom Screaming
Little girl: Ew, sex, gross!
Mother: Sex isn’t gross. It’s natural and it can be a very beautiful thing.
Little girl: You wouldn’t say that if you heard what Eleanor told me.
–N train
Overheard by: Tom Brigham
…Away from Witnesses
Mom on stoop: Don’t you skate too far from the house!
Four-year-old boy on skateboard: Moooooooom! Go insiiiiide the hoooooouse! I don’t need you!
Mom neighbor: Did he just tell me to go inside the house? Boy, you just wait till *you* come inside the house!
–Monroe & Franklin, Bed-Stuy
Overheard by: Tigertail
We’re Jewish, Dad
Son having tantrum: I don’t want to go to the park! (throws his coat on the ground)
Father: Did you just take your coat off? I’m going to tell the Virgin Mary you’re not wearing your coat, and then you know it will get back to Santa!
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: canvasser
Okay, Better
Little boy: I farted!
Mother: Oh, Andrew, that’s gross.
Grandma: Yes, say “excuse me” and then get out of here.
Little boy: Bombs away!
–Target, Queens
Having Strangers Discipline Your Kids Is Mmm Mmm Good
Screaming child: I want a new hat!
Latino nanny: Calm down before I turn you into soup!
–Madison Ave & 81st St
I’m Beginning to Regret Naming You Descartes
Little girl: What is that?
Mom: An ornament on a branch.
Little girl: Why is it an ornament on a branch?
Mom: Because it is.
Little girl: Why is it because it is?
–St. Lukes Holiday Festival, Hudson & Christopher
Overheard by: nosey nancy
