Little girl: Ew, sex, gross!
Mother: Sex isn’t gross. It’s natural and it can be a very beautiful thing.
Little girl: You wouldn’t say that if you heard what Eleanor told me.
–N train
Overheard by: Tom Brigham
Archive for the ‘Should've Used a Condom’ Category
…Away from Witnesses
Mom on stoop: Don’t you skate too far from the house!
Four-year-old boy on skateboard: Moooooooom! Go insiiiiide the hoooooouse! I don’t need you!
Mom neighbor: Did he just tell me to go inside the house? Boy, you just wait till *you* come inside the house!
–Monroe & Franklin, Bed-Stuy
Overheard by: Tigertail
We’re Jewish, Dad
Son having tantrum: I don’t want to go to the park! (throws his coat on the ground)
Father: Did you just take your coat off? I’m going to tell the Virgin Mary you’re not wearing your coat, and then you know it will get back to Santa!
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: canvasser
Okay, Better
Little boy: I farted!
Mother: Oh, Andrew, that’s gross.
Grandma: Yes, say “excuse me” and then get out of here.
Little boy: Bombs away!
–Target, Queens
Having Strangers Discipline Your Kids Is Mmm Mmm Good
Screaming child: I want a new hat!
Latino nanny: Calm down before I turn you into soup!
–Madison Ave & 81st St
I’m Beginning to Regret Naming You Descartes
Little girl: What is that?
Mom: An ornament on a branch.
Little girl: Why is it an ornament on a branch?
Mom: Because it is.
Little girl: Why is it because it is?
–St. Lukes Holiday Festival, Hudson & Christopher
Overheard by: nosey nancy
Roe vs. Wednesday One-Liners
Guy, selling comedy tickets: Come on, guys, see the show! It’s cheaper than a Chinese abortion.
–Times Square
Kid: You may think of abortion like, “Oh, it’s gone!”
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Emilia
Girl: Now I understand why people steal babies! It totally makes sense! We should legalize abortion.
–68th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Manic Mouse
Queer on phone: No, I’ve told you. I’m atheist, I don’t want to go to church with you. Well, I dunno what to tell you, mother, it’s too late for an abortion now. Maybe you should have used a condom.
–CVS , Cedarhurst, Long Island
Overheard by: Queer CVS clerk
Guy: So, she starts talking about abortion while I got a fuckin’ boner and I’m like, “Are you fucking kidding me?”
–W 42nd St & 8th Ave
“…No! Not that! Anything but that!”
Toddler boy: I don’t need to go anymore.
Dad: I just waited in line for ten minutes. You better fart or something.
–Public bathroom, Coney Island
Overheard by: Ronnie Saha
Diary of a Bulimic, the Early Years
Boy: Daddy, can I have Skittles?
Dad: No.
Boy: Why not?
Dad: Cause your tummy hurts, remember?
Boy: But it doesn’t hurt now, so can I have it?
Dad: No.
Boy: Daddy, can I have some chips?
–Union Square
Overheard by: white ace rules
Who’s Your Daddy?
Man: Ay, Mami, looking good today…
Woman: Can’t you see I am with my son?
Little boy: You’re his mommy too?
–14th & 3rd
Overheard by: Constantino
