Archive for the ‘Should've Used a Condom’ Category

Roe vs. Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Guy, sell­ing com­e­dy tick­ets: Come on, guys, see the show! It’s cheap­er than a Chi­nese abor­tion.

–Times Square

Kid: You may think of abor­tion like, “Oh, it’s gone!”

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Over­heard by: Emil­ia

Girl: Now I un­der­stand why peo­ple steal ba­bies! It to­tal­ly makes sense! We should le­gal­ize abor­tion.

–68th St & 1st Ave

Over­heard by: Man­ic Mouse

Queer on phone: No, I’ve told you. I’m athe­ist, I don’t want to go to church with you. Well, I dun­no what to tell you, moth­er, it’s too late for an abor­tion now. Maybe you should have used a con­dom.

–CVS , Cedarhurst, Long Is­land

Over­heard by: Queer CVS clerk

Guy: So, she starts talk­ing about abor­tion while I got a fuckin’ bon­er and I’m like, “Are you fuck­ing kid­ding me?”

–W 42nd St & 8th Ave

Six Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Un­der

Girl on phone: Did he ac­tu­al­ly try to kill you, or is this like the time at the su­per­mar­ket when you thought the cashier was com­ing on­to you be­cause he touched your hand giv­ing you change?

–Time Square

HR per­son: I don’t want to whack her un­til I have to. But I prob­a­bly will.

–Broad­way

Lit­tle boy to mom: Mom­my, what does it feel like to die?

–7th & Car­roll, Park Slope

Well-dressed man on cell: I know, we need to make sure that none of them live.

–8th St & Broad­way

Sev­en-year-old girl to mom, af­ter be­ing scold­ed: I’m go­ing to kill you.

–4 Train

Long Is­land woman: Well, sure, it’s a great place if you want to be raped and mur­dered every day.

–LIRR

Over­heard by: Cori

Or You Could Swal­low a Twinkie

Guy #1: I don’t know man, I thought when I had kids I would no longer want an­oth­er woman. I thought it would end you?
Guy #2: Yeah yeah, it nev­er ends.
Guy #1: If kids does­n’t do it, how do you make it stop?
Guy #2: Cup­cakes.

–Bode­ga, 3rd Av­enue & 10th Street