Archive for the ‘Show business’ Category

Cue the Least Ro­man­tic Song Ever

Thug #1: Kel­ly Bundy’s danc­ing on Broad­way.
Thug #2: She naked?
Thug #1: She broke both her legs. I think she in a wheel­chair.
Thug #2: She naked?
Thug #1: I bet she dance good. She hot.
Thug #2: I’d break her clit if I had the chance.

–F train

Girl: If I hear an­oth­er show tune out of con­text I think I’m go­ing to vom­it. Phys­i­cal­ly vom­it. You know that feel­ing?
Guy: Uh, no.

–42nd be­tween 9th & 10th

She Should’ve Asked “How Many Gen­tle­men Have Been Hurt by a Man Dressed As a La­dy?”

Teenage boy: So I went to a Cher con­cert…
Teenage girl: What?
Teenage boy: Cher.
Teenage girl: Cher?
Teenage boy: Cher. The singer.
Teenage girl: Who?
Teenage boy: You don’t know Cher? Damn, girl, you have no his­to­ry. You have no child­hood. (pause) So I went to a Cher con­cert. And she came out and looked all hot. “How many of you ladies have been hurt by a man?” (im­i­tates the roar of the crowd) “Aaaaaaah­h­hh!” She cock-blocked the whole place.

–6 Train

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers– What the Fudge?

Pro­fes­sor, to deaf stu­den­t’s in­ter­preter: Do you deal with “fuck” and “shit” and all that?

–Pratt In­sti­tute

Moth­er to bick­er­ing daugh­ters: Let me tell you some­thing: you two bags are the on­ly moth­er­fuck­ers I got left!

–21st St & 35th Ave, As­to­ria

Over­heard by: Daniel Boris Dzu­la

Young woman in burqa on cell: And Je­sus Christ! What the fuck was that bitch think­ing?

–Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: ABrook­lyn­Baby’s­Nan­ny

Girl on cell: And he said, “I am try­ing to learn here!” and I said, “fuck you!”

–112 & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Nathan

Hobo: I was in Nan­tuck­et when I lost my buck­et! Then I said, “fuck it!”

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Sta­cy

Woman cry­ing to friend: I don’t want to do the fuck­ing SAG Awards!

–Bryant Park

Goin’ to the Chapel and We’re Gonna Get Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Big bald guy: No, no, you don’t have to be or­dained to mar­ry peo­ple at the show. Just put on the Pope robe if you want to mar­ry peo­ple.

–Of­fice Build­ing, Hud­son St

Guy: I took your ad­vice, bro. I’m gonna mar­ry her in a lit­tle over three weeks. But… I got­ta get drunk first.

–Hous­ton & Broad­way

Over­heard by: erin

Suit #1 to suit #2: Well, maybe she won’t sign the pre-nup and then you’ll be free.

–Wall Street

Black chick: No! No! Ain’t no one get­tin’ lynched at my wed­ding!

–Food Di­men­sions, Myr­tle & Broad­way

Over­heard by: off white

Woman on cell: The on­ly time he gets to be him­self is when he goes away and that’s the way he saves the mar­riage… Oth­er­wise it’s “Mom­my, I don’t feel well’ and ‘Mom­my, may I be ex­cused from the ta­ble.”

–23rd St & 5th Ave

Over­heard by: Mugsy’s Moll

Goth chick on phone: He pro­posed to me while he was in me… Yea, well, I mean he told me af­ter that he re­al­ly meant it!

–Penn Sta­tion

Rude Would Have Been Kinder

New York­er: Coney Is­land is fun if you like that stuff. I mean, there’s a lot of na­tion­al­i­ties down there so their ac­cents are all…They talk like the So­pra­nos. Do you know about the So­pra­nos?
Tourist: Um.

–R Train, 28th St

Over­heard by: Nick Mc­Dow­ell