Obese black man #1 playing loud obscene rap song: What she looking at? (points to two old Russian women at the front of bus) Man, these white people. Don’t they know this is a free fuckin’ country?
Obese black man #2: Yeah, I’m tellin you, now that Obama’s elected, white people are gonna know what the fuck’s up.
–Q63 Bus
Overheard by: filemeunder
Subway guitar player: This next song is for the Korean lady in the white coat sitting in front of me. Are you Korean?
Lady: No, I’m from Peru.
Subway guitar player: Oh, shit! I never met a Peru lady before.
–Uptown 2 Train
Dude: He’s the black, blind Motown equivalent of Kenny G.
–113th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Girl, while leaving screening of “I am legend”: Okay… I cannot believe the woman did not know Bob Marley! I mean, that had to be the most unrealistic thing in that entire film.
–Fresh Meadows, Queens
Overheard by: hmmm…
Curly-haired chick: Has New Order become an okay kinky sex background band? Am I *old*?
–113th & Broadway
Overheard by: Poogins
Guy, standing next to guy listening to Journey on his iPod: Get away from me! Just get the fuck away from me!
–2 Train
Dumb girl dressed like Scary Spice en route to the concert: Yeah, a lot of people think that the Spice Girls like, reinstated feminism.
–NJ Transit
Yale grad: Eminem has a wonderful sense of meter.
–Court St., Brooklyn
Overheard by: Justin Casement
Queer: We only stayed for 15 minutes, I’m not that into karaoke. And when a coven of lesbians start casting their spells to “My Sharona”, I was outta there.”
–Chambers & Greenwich
Overheard by: Grand Witch Muffy
Hobo, singing: Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb! Mary had a little lamb whose fleece was…
Man, holding out dollar: I will give you one dollar to shut the fuck up.
Hobo: (shuts up)
–14th St Subway Station
Latino thug #1: It was so awkward – he couldn’t hit the high notes.
Latino thug #2: That kid wore the same blue tee for a whole year!
Latino thug #3: Your shirt looks like a Christmas wrapping.
–F Train
Overheard by: Katface
Blonde: This bridge collapsed, it’s so sad.
Brunette: Why?
Blonde: Why?
Blonde: Oh, what is it happy?
Brunette: No it’s not happy.
Blonde: Yay, a bridge collapsed?
Brunette: Yay!
Brunette: London Bridge fell and it got a mothafuckin song!
–7th Ave & 23rd St
Gleeful little boy: We will, we will fuck you! We will, we will fuck you! [Bursts into giggles.]
–1 train
Overheard by: caitlinj
Guy: I mean, I wasn’t expecting being fucked, either!
–55th & 8th
Overheard by: Mariah
Guy on cell: You know what? Cleo fucked you, so fuck it — we’re fucked.
–Forest Hills
Tough guy with five-year-old: Hey, buddy! Don’t fucking push me! I’ve got my fuckin’ kid here!
–1 train
Overheard by: wba
Hispanic lady with stroller, on cell: Mothafuckin’ [Spanish]… Fuckin’ asshole [Spanish]… Son of a [Spanish]… Fuckin’ mothafuckin’ [Spanish]… Bunny rabbit [Spanish]… Fuck.
–7th Ave, Park Slope
Overheard by: Mike N (doesn’t speak Spanish)
Suit, tapping singing girl on the shoulder: You sing wonderfully.
Girl: Thank you very much.
Suit: Yeah, by “wonderfully” I mean it sounds like a cat getting ass raped by a donkey. So I am sure that everyone else would appreciate you not doing that anymore as it is only 6 am.
(passengers clap)
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Chick #1: How’d it go?
Chick #2: Good. I sang the three notes good and he looked up from his computer and smiled.
Chick #1: Hmmm, good.
Chick #2: Or he could have been looking at these…
Chick #1: Oh yeah, he was checking out your boobs!
–Elevator, W 26 St between 6th Ave & 7th Ave
Overheard by: mondo man
Shrimpy guy, singing: Summertiiiiiime, and the livin’ is easy…
Black guy: Man, the sons be actin’ like daughters and the daughters be actin’ like sons!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Porgy
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist