Archive for the ‘Singing’ Category

Ever Since I Ac­ci­den­tal­ly Tripped Over Them

Tall girl: I think I saw his broth­er in the cho­rus of a show I saw for my job.
Short girl: Word.
Tall girl: Yeah.
Short girl: Yeah. There’s four of them. And they’re all beau­ti­ful. It’s so not fair. I’m weird-look­ing and, ac­cord­ing to my grand­ma, my broth­er looks like the love child of Jake Gyl­len­haal and San­jay Gup­ta.
Tall girl: And your par­ents are short Jews.
Short girl: I can’t be­lieve you re­mem­ber that.

–Down­town 1 Train

“Don’t Hate Me Be­cause I’m Wednes­day One-Lin­er”

Hobo to fe­male passer­by (singing): Pret­ty woman, walk­ing down the street/Pretty woman, eat­ing a ham­burg­er…

–Wendy’s, Union Square

Over­heard by: Hun­gry By­stander

Sales­girl to an­oth­er: You look pret­ty today…for a lit­tle Fil­ipino girl.

–Amer­i­can Ea­gle, So­Ho

Over­heard by: Hol­ly

Loud hobo walk­ing through crowd­ed train: Lots of beau­ti­ful ladies on this train. Beau­ti­ful white ladies. Beau­ti­ful black ladies. I like her hat. (turns to one shy-look­ing girl) Do you wear make­up? You should­n’t. You don’t need it, you are so beau­ti­ful. If you have any make­up, just throw it away. Or send it to my girl, cuz she is ug­ly.

–Down­town 4 Train

50-some­thing woman to pret­ty 20-some­thing girl: I just want­ed you to know that our hus­bands over there think you are one of the most beau­ti­ful girls they have ever seen. So now our hus­bands are go­ing to have sex with my friend and I tonight. They may be think­ing of you dur­ing, but thanks to you I am go­ing to have an or­gasm tonight, so thank you for be­ing so gor­geous.

–Boat Basin Cafe

Over­heard by: Megan W.

Guy on iPhone: You think be­cause you’re pret­ty you can get away with that shit. Well, you’re wrong! You can get away with that shit be­cause you’re rich!

–Du­ane Reade, Colum­bus Ave

Over­heard by: Veron­i­ca at http://everythingisused.blogspot.com/

The End Of West­ern Civ­i­liza­tion: An OINY Short Sto­ry.

Lawyer #1: I saw this fun­ny video on YouTube last night. I did a search for “re­tards” and there was this one called “re­tard­ed Brit­ney Spears fan.” It was a re­tard singing one of her songs.
Lawyer #2: Have you seen 2 Girls 1 Cup?
Lawyer #1: I was able to watch about two sec­onds of it be­fore I had to click it off.
Lawyer #2: Did you see the one called “ex­treme pain”? I could on­ly watch about five sec­onds of it. A guy was cut­ting off his own dick.
Lawyer #1: That’s some sick shit. How’s your cat?
Lawyer #2: You should see her. She rolls over on her back and my dog licks her be­tween the legs for a long time, then smacks his lips.
Lawyer #1: You should video that and put it on YouTube. Call it “eat­ing pussy.” You’ll get a mil­lion hits!

–Civ­il Court, 141 Liv­ingston St., Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Big Lar­ry

Wednes­day One-lin­ers Sparkle and Shine

Hip­ster on cell: Okay. Af­ter my nap. Call me from the park once you are cov­ered in glit­ter and I will come down.

–14th & B

Hip­ster chick: I’m to­tal­ly boy­cotting the sun this sum­mer.

–L train

Over­heard by: Matt Fer­rin

Guy on cell: …and I just told him, “I don’t care what you say. As far as I’m con­cerned, I am the star of a Broad­way mu­si­cal.”

–34th & 7th

Over­heard by: Brid­get Un­nel

And Wednes­day Said, “Let There Be One-Lin­ers.”

Guy on cell: Sup­pose there is no god. (pause) Hel­lo? Can you hear me? Sup­pose there is no god. (pause) Hel­lo? Hel­lo? Can you hear me?

–Bus

Over­heard by: Is God try­ing to tell you some­thing?

In­tense man, grasp­ing wom­an’s shoul­ders: God want­ed me to, and I was ready to.

–Near River­side Church, Morn­ing­side Heights

Over­heard by: I wish I knew more

Guy, in awed tones, hear­ing “Le nozze di Fi­garo” through open win­dow: It’s like the voice of God…

–The Bronx

Over­heard by: ground floor mu­sic lover

Crazy man: There is on­ly one God. There is on­ly one re­al deal. I can’t af­ford sex any­more.

–Out­side Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: That took a turn