Archive for the ‘Skaters’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers. (And by That We Mean Ex­act­ly What You Think We Mean.)

Hip­ster to friend hav­ing prob­lems with ATM card: Maybe it’s for nor­mal peo­ple and you’re just ab­nor­mal­ly large.

–Vil­lage ATM

Over­heard by: rafa

Ov­er­en­thu­si­as­tic fa­ther of new skater: Oh, you know, it’s her first time, so I want­ed to make sure that I was there to help her through it so that it’d be ex­tra-spe­cial for her.

–Woll­man Rink, Cen­tral Park

Over­weight woman: Where’s Wang? Guys, where’s Wang?

–Hard Rock Cafe

Tourist mom: It’s not big enough to im­press me.

–Grand Cen­tral

Over­heard by: Not The Em­pire State, Sure­ly

Loud woman: It was a three-legged pussy!

–Union Square Sub­way Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Rachel K

Mod­ern lit­er­a­ture pro­fes­sor, af­ter end­ing class ear­ly: Well, that’s it, I’ve blown my load.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

You Can’t Han­dle the Wednes­day One-Lin­er!

Girls on bench: Is US week­ly mag­a­zine, like, the on­ly one that’s true?

–Cen­tral Park

Man on cell, cross­ing street: And I told that Jew­ish cunt that every­thing she’s heard about black men is true, and I’m gonna stick my foot in her fuck­ing mouth.

–46th St & Madi­son Ave

Bum con­vers­ing with Bible-tot­ing teens: Yes, it’s in the Bible… But is it true?

–Union Square

Skater boy: Most things aren’t true.

–72nd St & Am­s­ter­dam

…In the True Spir­it Of East­er.

Teen skater #1: Dude, I want­ed to chill on East­er but my mom said I had to go to church.
Teen skater #2: You should’ve said “mom, fuck church!“
Teen skater #1: Dude, if I had said “fuck,” I would­n’t be alive. I would’ve been un­der the couch. My ma­ma would’ve stuffed me in a bag… Put some in­cense on that shit so it would­n’t smell.

–6 Train

Over­heard by: try­ing not to laugh

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Would Like to Thank the Acad­e­my

Girl to a friend: I was piss drunk when I saw The Pas­sion Of The Christ.

–Chelsea

Skate­board­ing ju­ve­nile delin­quent to crew: We are to­tal­ly like the movie Kids, all that’s left is for me to get Aids.

–Mott & Prince

Over­heard by: Dirty nee­dle or gay sex, your choice

Suit to an­oth­er: The sound­track to Big Top Pee-wee was amaz­ing.

–St. Mark’s Place

Sev­en-year-old Asian boy to moth­er, dur­ing the movie Up: He loved and he lost…

–Re­gal Union Square The­ater

Crazy 30-some­thing man: Ex­cuse me! You prob­a­bly think I’m look­ing for mon­ey. I’m not. But I’m look­ing for a com­pan­ion! A girl, aged 18 to 25, and she must have a DVD play­er, so we can watch movies!

–1 Train

Over­heard by: nel­la