Archive for the ‘Skinny People’ Category

Big Girls: Yeah, Hope You Enjoy Lunching on Your Own Spit

Skinny girl #1: Do you know bridal salons only carry dresses in small sizes, so bigger girls have to, I don’t know, close their eyes and imagine what the dress would look like if it could zip?
Skinny girl #2: Seriously?
Skinny girl #1: Some day somebody’s going to come out with a design line for fat girls, and they’re going to make a killing.
Skinny girl #2: Bridal Barn.

–Century 21, Financial District

Wednesday Doesn't Eat Enough to Keep a One-Liner Alive

Skinny professor: John* [a chubby professor] and I started Weight Watchers together at the same time!

–Hostos Faculty Dining Room

Overheard by: glad she's leaving

Skinny girl to clerk: Hi, do you have a soy-based, non-dairy substitute for heavy cream?

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Overheard by: office peon loves Thanksgiving food

Girl ordering Coffee Coolatta with skim milk: I hope this tastes as good as it did when I was anorexic. Everything tasted good back then…

–Dunkin Donuts, Bay Ridge

Overheard by: allison

Jewish grandmotherly type: Women with anorexia seem to have such strange eating habits.

–Upper West Side

Anorexic-looking girl: I want a tic tac. I'm hungry.

–95th & 2nd

What a Drip

Fat guy: So, you think she’s going to dump you?
Skinny guy: Yeah, she doesn’t seem to like the gonorrhea. It just keeps coming back!
Fat guy: Well, that’s the thing with gonorrhea.

–Walgreens, 18th & 1st

Overheard by: Trying Not To Laugh

Women Take a Stand on Wednesday One-liners

Petite woman: Just because you are taller doesn’t mean you are stronger. I have more power in my finger than that broad! One flick from me and she’d be on her ass!

–43rd & 6th

Guy on cell: I’ve got the dogs. I’ve got your mother’s latte. I’ve got your cappuccino, and I’m willing to go back for a movie but you’ve got to drive me…Hello? Hello?

–Park Slope

Overheard by: amb

Chick: My boss never actually reads her e-mail. I forwarded her a message with someone’s address, but she only read the first line and responded “Where’s the address”? I mean, scroll down bitch! Jeeeeez.

–Maiden Lane

Overheard by: J

Yoga instructor: I am totally never going back to Dop Dop again. They kept telling people I’m really a brunette.

–Equinox, 50th Street

Girl: And you know what? After having a few accidents, I just decided to wear pads, to let it flow naturally.

–College of Staten Island

Overheard by: Dr. Ballon

Woman on cell: So she says to me, “Oh, you’re so interesting”, and I’m like, “Fuck you, you fucking cunt.”

–57th & 5th

Overheard by: Heather