Archive for the ‘Skinny People’ Category

What a Drip

Fat guy: So, you think she’s go­ing to dump you?
Skin­ny guy: Yeah, she does­n’t seem to like the gon­or­rhea. It just keeps com­ing back!
Fat guy: Well, that’s the thing with gon­or­rhea.

–Wal­greens, 18th & 1st

Over­heard by: Try­ing Not To Laugh

Women Take a Stand on Wednes­day One-lin­ers

Pe­tite woman: Just be­cause you are taller does­n’t mean you are stronger. I have more pow­er in my fin­ger than that broad! One flick from me and she’d be on her ass!

–43rd & 6th

Guy on cell: I’ve got the dogs. I’ve got your moth­er’s lat­te. I’ve got your cap­puc­ci­no, and I’m will­ing to go back for a movie but you’ve got to dri­ve me…Hello? Hel­lo?

–Park Slope

Over­heard by: amb

Chick: My boss nev­er ac­tu­al­ly reads her e‑mail. I for­ward­ed her a mes­sage with some­one’s ad­dress, but she on­ly read the first line and re­spond­ed “Where’s the ad­dress”? I mean, scroll down bitch! Jeeeeez.

–Maid­en Lane

Over­heard by: J

Yo­ga in­struc­tor: I am to­tal­ly nev­er go­ing back to Dop Dop again. They kept telling peo­ple I’m re­al­ly a brunette.

–Equinox, 50th Street

Girl: And you know what? Af­ter hav­ing a few ac­ci­dents, I just de­cid­ed to wear pads, to let it flow nat­u­ral­ly.

–Col­lege of Stat­en Is­land

Over­heard by: Dr. Bal­lon

Woman on cell: So she says to me, “Oh, you’re so in­ter­est­ing”, and I’m like, “Fuck you, you fuck­ing cunt.”

–57th & 5th

Over­heard by: Heather

Wednes­day O‑o-o-oooo-One-Lin­ers

Skin­ny Span­ish girl: That nig­ga was say­ing how he had me moan­ing and scream­ing, but I was like, “nig­ga, I’m just loud–that does­n’t mean you’re good!”

–Ft. Hamil­ton Park­way, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: al­so loud

Ghet­to chick to friend: Yo…in my coun­try, it’s il­le­gal to not please your woman. You got­ta fuck her till she begs you to stop.

–116th & 1st

Over­heard by: Don­naRae

Man on phone: Yeah…I just fin­gerblast­ed her for like an hour. No big deal.

–E 4th St & 2nd Ave

Over­heard by: intern2

Mom to teenage son: And I was like “sure, have sex in my bed, it nev­er sees any.”

–Mer­cer & W 3rd

Girl on cell: Oh no, he’s back fuck­ing his sec­re­tary now, so I’m like, com­plete­ly free!

–East Vil­lage

20-some­thing on cell, af­ter loud graph­ic sex tale: And don’t you be telling any­one! I don’t like strangers know­ing my busi­ness.

–Ex­press Bus to Brook­lyn