Archive for the ‘Skinny People’ Category

It Dis­lodged Sev­er­al Ceil­ing Tiles

Skin­ny NYU girl #1: Oh my god, I could­n’t be­lieve it hap­pened. It’s one of those things you have night­mares about.
Skin­ny NYU girl #2: I know. Don’t peo­ple know they should­n’t eat for at least two hours be­fore?
Skin­ny NYU girl #1: Duh, to­tal­ly. Who farts in the mid­dle of yo­ga class?
Skin­ny NYU girl #2: She’ll have to go to ther­a­py for months.

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Over­heard by: Michelle Eisen­berg

Wednes­day One-Liners–Not for the Calo­rie-Con­scious

3rd grad­er, cheer­i­ly an­nounc­ing to sub­way: I’m starv­ing! I did­n’t even have break­fast! (ju­bi­lant­ly) Just can­dy!

–4 Train

Over­heard by: i tried that once

Cosi em­ploy­ee to an­oth­er: Dude, don’t tell any­one, but I put a *spe­cial in­gre­di­ent* in the brown­ies.

–Cosi Restau­rant

Fat girl with three skin­ny friends and a large cup­cake: So what do you think our cup­cake choic­es say about our per­son­al­i­ties?

–Crumbs Bake Shop

Over­heard by: Da­mon

Old guy with pony­tail: You boot­legged My Bloody Valen­tine? That’s like break­ing in­to the US Mint and steal­ing the choco­late sauce!

–7th Ave

Over­heard by: Good Anal­o­gy

Girl: And by “jelly­bean,” I mean “fe­tus”!

–Christo­pher & W 4th St

Woman: It’s no longer a choco­late vagi­na, it’s just a pool of choco­late!

–Man­hat­tan Cen­ter Grand Ball­room

Over­heard by: Ilyssa

Wednes­day’s Great With One-Lin­ers

Eight-year-old girl, singing: Fat lips, big lips, get your preg­nant lips here!

–6 Train

Out-of-breath man on steps: Okay, man, breathe. Breathe like you’re hav­ing your first child!

–W4 Sub­way

Over­heard by: Keep Push­ing On!

Preg­nant woman on cell: So, yeah, I’m about 5 cen­time­ters di­lat­ed, so I’m go­ing to get a Tasti D‑Lite and then go to the hos­pi­tal.

–Rock­e­feller Cen­ter

Hot skin­ny, Asian girl to hot, skin­ny, blonde friends: So, am I go­ing to get preg­nant this month or what?

–57th & Park

Over­heard by: would have liked to help her

Girl on phone: Okay, so I got the preg­nan­cy test and the vod­ka. We’ll see which one wins.

–6 Train

…And Guess What Else Is This Big?

Skin­ny twink #1: I know that guy.
Skin­ny twink #2: You know her, that guy from the cho­rus, the con­cert-soloist, that guy who blew you at Splash, and now him! That makes the fifth per­son you’ve seen that you know, in less than an hour.
Skin­ny twink #1: Well, New York is this big! (holds up lit­tle fin­ger)
Skin­ny twink #2: And you’re a whore.

–Gay Restau­rant, Hel­l’s Kitchen

Over­heard by: Eu­gene