Archive for the ‘Sloppy Seconds’ Category

…Hint, Hint.

His­pan­ic man #1, on bus: Yo, my hand smells like pussy.
His­pan­ic man #2: Yeah, now she gonna go home and kiss the oth­er guy, and then he gonna, and you were just there.
(hys­ter­i­cal drunk­en laugh­ter)
His­pan­ic man #3: I haven’t got­ten pussy in a while, though. Since last sum­mer.
His­pan­ic man #1: Yeah, you know I just love get­ting my dick sucked.

–Q58 Bus

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Pre­fer to Think of It As “Well-Trav­eled”

Hip­ster guy to hip­ster chick: …and he’s like, “I did­n’t come; why is there so much come all over?” And she’s like, “Oh, you’re num­ber 23.” So he’s like, “Oh, okay.” And he starts pound­ing away again!

–Bed­ford & 11th, Williams­burg

Over­heard by: Kaitlen

Woman, with her mouth about an inch from a guy, about to kiss him: I can’t, I al­ready had sex with three guys to­day.

–Grand Cen­tral

Over­heard by: Derek

Girl to friend: I’m re­al­ly wor­ried about her. I think she has a se­ri­ous case of slutism.

–66th & Colum­bus

Prep­py girl on cell: Yeah, so ap­par­ent­ly “Hap­py hour Tues­day” equals “Walk of shame Wednes­day.” I just wish I could’ve been work­ing at my job for more than a week be­fore I walked in reek­ing of shame and sper­mi­cide. (pause) Ac­tu­al­ly, I wish the sper­mi­cide thing was true. Then I would­n’t have to drop $50 bucks to­day on plan B.

–Wall St

Teenage boy on cell: She’s still sleep­ing with my broth­er. I mean, my broth­er is sleep­ing with like ten oth­er girls…but she’s in his reg­u­lar ro­ta­tion.

–Star­bucks, Mon­tague Street

NYU stu­dent on cell: But log­ic does­n’t call you back. Log­ic sleeps with you and leaves in the morn­ing.

–Kim­mel Cen­ter

My Whole Day Was Weird Like That

20-some­thing #1: And she was telling me how she was go­ing out with Mike that night and I was say­ing to my­self, “that’s kind of weird, be­cause I made out with him first.“
20-some­thing #2: Did you say that?
20-some­thing #1: Well, I had to say some­thing. And she said, “don’t wor­ry, he’ll be the last guy we share.”

–F Train

Some Fairy God­moth­ers Are Harsh­er Than Oth­ers

Bim­bette #1: So then I found out he hooked up with Amy while I was pee­ing in the bath­room.
Bim­bette #2: Did you still sleep with him?
Bim­bette #1: Yeah, of course! Why should I let her have all the fun? I just don’t know what to do now, though cause I feel like I had her slop­py sec­onds.
Ran­dom la­dy sit­ting in front of them: Girls can you shut the hell up al­ready? I’m try­ing to en­joy a qui­et train ride home. No one here cares who you slept with, we all know you’re gonna be with a dif­fer­ent guy next week, any­way.
(girls jump up and run out of train car, one in tears)

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Could­n’t hold back the laughs

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Need an F‑Bomb Shel­ter

Hare Kr­ish­na guy hawk­ing med­i­ta­tion books: I hate this fuck­ing city, fuck­ing ass­holes. Fuck. Fuck this city!

–Union Square Sta­tion

Girl on phone: So, how’s Dan? (pause) Oh, fuck Dan!

–South Fer­ry Ter­mi­nal

Teenage boy to an­oth­er in idling train: We made up an ex­pres­sion just to see if he would start say­ing it too. We start­ed say­ing “fuck my dick!” Like, I dropped my pen­cil and said “fuck my dick!” You know? And he start­ed sayin’ that shit, yo!

–G Train

Over­heard by: lucyruth

Guy on cell: Lis­ten, I can fuck who­ev­er the fuck I wan­na fuck, when­ev­er the fuck I wan­na fuck. I choose not to fuck you.

–42nd St b/w 3rd & Lex­ing­ton

Over­heard by: julie f

Late 40s suit to an­oth­er: Yeah, so I say to him, just to be polite,“yeah, I’d fuck her”, then he says “yeah, but I’d fuck her af­ter you were done with her!”

–Met Life Build­ing

Con­duc­tor: Please move all the way in, please, peo­ple, move all the way in, stand clear of the clos­ing doors. Peo­ple! (turns mi­cro­phone off, shouts) No­body fuck­ing lis­tens to me!

–F Train

Over­heard by: BLAH