Archive for the ‘S&M’ Category

How Much Is That Wednes­day One-Lin­er in the Win­dow?

Man eat­ing brunch to male friend: We both came out sev­en years ago. We are pup­py gay in dog years.

–Big Dad­dy’s Din­er

Over­heard by: Mor­gan

Very lov­ing mom talk­ing to daugh­ter about her son: Hey! He is not an an­i­mal, he is not a dog. Well, at least not to­day!

–Hel­l’s Kitchen

Out­raged woman to man: What? No! Do not put the dog in the fur­nace, Ted!

–Court Street

Chick with cig­a­rette, on cell: … Leath­ery fetish dog-masks, or just Hal­loween style dog-masks?

–Out­side Tagine, 40th & 9th

Over­heard by: La­dle

Philo­soph­i­cal suit: The on­ly rea­son I haven’t di­vorced my wife is be­cause of the dog.

–Up­per East Side

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers? Kinky!

300-pound girl on phone: Girl, you showed your whole booty crack? I know, he’s in­to that kinky down­town shit.

–14th St & 6th Ave

Over­heard by: bas­tar­do

Loud up­state girl: I think…doin’ any kin­da re­search in­ta fur­ries? You’re in trou­ble.

–Hud­son & Hous­ton

Over­heard by: Har­ri­et Vane

Hoochie: I mean, you gonna hand­cuff me, then hand­cuff me. But, you know, when I got­ta go do my shit, I got­ta go.

–1st St & 1st Ave

Over­heard by: ste­phie

Curly-haired girl on cell: I’ve to­tal­ly got a cold too! But I’ve al­so got bondage tape. And a cell phone ac­ti­vat­ed vi­bra­tor.

–Ouidad sa­lon

Over­heard by: Wild Dog Boy

Suit to an­oth­er, while hav­ing lunch on bench: You put duct tape on her mouth and you do it from be­hind.

–Cen­tral Park

Guy at ta­ble: You know, she’s a qual­i­ty girl, even when I was in hand­cuffs, I could tell that she was a qual­i­ty girl.

–Carnegie Deli

Over­heard by: Spazz

Keep Your Wednes­day One-Lin­er in Your Pants, Dude

Prep­py guy: This may be the last thing I say with my pe­nis at­tached, but…

–Park Slope

Over­heard by: Hunter

Girl on cell: Well, I mean… his pe­nis is re­al­ly im­por­tant here, if his is bet­ter I’ll take him!

–26th St & Lex­ing­ton Ave

Over­heard by: your mom

Asian guy: Every­one else was on the floor. Every­one had a pe­nis in their face.

–D Train

Over­heard by: Jon A.

Girl on cell: All I’m say­ing is: don’t jump on the first pe­nis that comes along!

–Broad­way

Boss, about weightlift­ing: My gen­i­tals were so in­vert­ed I used to crap my pe­nis.

–5th Ave

Teacher: There are about six eu­phemisms for “pe­nis” in the first scene!

–Ju­nior High School

Over­heard by: gaby­gril­lz

Is It Sick That I Wednes­day on Their One-Lin­ers?

Guy on phone: It’s prob­a­bly some­thing be­yond the bes­tial­i­ty in why you did­n’t get hired.

–4th & Lafayette

Over­heard by: andy

Dis­em­bod­ied voice in crowd: Necrophil­ia, re­al­ly?

–Times Square

Man: The thing is: my safe­ty word is “No, hard­er, hard­er.”

–NY Com­ic Con

Girl: No, se­ri­ous­ly, my par­ents used to have like a har­ness and a leash for me, be­cause I used to run away in the air­port all the time.

–Ford­ham Law School

Girl to friend: Hot wax and genitals…either very good, or very, very bad.

–1st Ave & 11th St

Over­heard by: Will

Guy: Great. She does­n’t even know me and al­ready she thinks I have a pro­duce fetish.

–Whole Foods, Chelsea

Over­heard by: Hunter (aka,

Scar­lett Jo­hansson’s Wear­ing Wednes­day One-Lin­ers This Sea­son

(Asian tourist walks on­to sub­way with large pan­da-head shaped hat)
Ran­dom guy: Take off that sil­ly ass hat!

–Up­town 1 Train

Guy: When I wear my oth­er coat, I look like a yak.

–Mott St

Over­heard by: robin

Thug to friend: I to­tal­ly know fash­ion de­sign­ers. I know who Hill-fin­ger is.

–Thomp­son Street, So­Ho

Drunk guy to or­tho­dox Jew: Nice lid.

–Near Her­ald Square

Guy walk­ing out of sub­way: Then she came in and told me to put the mask on.

–6 Train

Over­heard by: Sarah

His­to­ry teacher to class: Now, if you want a de­cent straw hat, do not make one.

–Mil­len­ni­um High School

Over­heard by: Adri­ana

I’m Barred From Her Dun­geon for Life

Slut­ty les­bian chick buy­ing ice cream: So then she says “Scream! I’m go­ing to keep spank­ing you un­til you scream!“
Slight­ly less slut­ty chick: So what did you do?
Slut­ty les­bian chick: Well, I want­ed it to be hot, but when it came out it was­n’t so much an “I’m get­ting spanked, and it’s hot” scream as it was an “I’m shit­ty and it hurts” grunt.

–Gro­cery Store, The Bronx