Archive for the ‘S&M’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers For­get the Safe Word

Tall 30-some­thing: With my cor­po­rate job, I could­n’t af­ford a stu­dio at $1,850 per month, so then I be­came a dom­i­na­trix. But af­ter a while, it takes over your life. You end up think­ing “Well, I don’t have any­one to beat up to­day, I’ll just on­line shop.” So I had to stop.”

–54th St & 10th Ave, in Line for The Dai­ly Show

Man on phone: Oh…but I thought you said to leave $500 for you to pick up. (pause) I’m sor­ry mistress…I’m sor­ry mis­tress.

–Broome b/w Mer­cer & Greene

Guy on cell in line for NJ tran­sit bus: Call me dad­dy. Call me dad­dy! Now slap that ass. I can’t hear that, slap that ass hard­er! Yeah, that’s what I like.

–Port Au­thor­i­ty

Over­heard by: Er­ic

Woman on cell: I’m go­ing to spank you. Can I do that?

–Barnes & No­ble

Over­heard by: she­lal­lie

En­thu­si­as­tic guy to friends: I prob­a­bly could’ve whipped bet­ter to­day.

–Mid­town

Over­heard by: Er­ic

Six-year-old girl to lit­tle boys wrestling: Guys, why don’t you to it to me? …cuz I don’t care. My stom­ach hurts al­ready. Guys, why don’t you push me down? Be­cause I like it!

–Cen­tral Park

Over­heard by: nosey nafia

It Rubs the Wednes­day on Its Skin, or Else It Gets the One-Lin­ers Again

Woman on cell: You did what? No. No, the key is with the hand­cuffs.

–Barnes & No­ble, Union Square

Over­heard by: arg­onaut

Neigh­bor heard through thin dorm wall: Yeah­h­h­hh, I’m a bad boy. You wan­na spank me?

–Pratt In­sti­tute

NYU girl to friend: I think Je­sus wore la­tex.

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Over­heard by: Mi­mi

Hip­pie woman on cell: Okay, why don’t you just un­tie each oth­er and come on down so we can talk about this?

–50th St & Park Ave

…So It’s Not a Can­dy?

Hip­ster girl, loud­ly to friend: What does s&m stand for, any­way?
Friend: What?
Hip­ster girl: What does s&m mean?
Ran­dom girl, tak­ing out ear­buds: Sadism and masochism.
Hip­ster girl: Oh. (pause) Thanks. (long, em­bar­rassed si­lence en­sues)

–L Train

Re­form Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Black guy on cell: Broad­way is all gays and Jews and frankly I am sick of it.

–47th St & 8th

Jew­ish son: I did not call the rab­bi to have him check up on you!

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Nosy­Mor­mon

Suit on cell: Oh yes, I know all about you. You do crazy things. You eat rice on Pe­sach.

–Fan­cy Resta­raunt, 79th St

Hobo: I bet if I put up a sign that said “hun­gry Jew,” I’d be get­ting a ton of mon­ey thrown at me.

–98th St & Broad­way

Old Jew­ish woman, ex­it­ing store with young woman: I know it’s sil­ly, but it was Ger­man. They killed six mil­lion Jews in Ger­many. I don’t like to buy things that were made in Ger­many.

–Queens

20-some­thing girl to friend: That Jew laid the spank on her!

–30th Ave, As­to­ria

Plus I’m His Deal­er.

Teenage girl: Yeah, well… I’m *re­al­ly* close with the school prin­ci­pal.
Teenage friend, rais­ing eye­brow: Are you?
Teenaged girl: No. I mean re­al­ly close. Like, “spank me dad­dy” close!
(teenage friend ac­ci­den­tal­ly puts the lit end of a cig­a­rette in her mouth and starts scream­ing)

–59th St & 9th Ave

Over­heard by: tiny­foo

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Cal­cu­late the Cir­cu­lar Pig­ment­ed Area

Co­ed: When my nip­ple-hairs pop up, that means I’m done.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: La­dle

Hobo to tiny sexy Asian girl wear­ing tank top on chilly day: Two nip­ples for a dime?

–9th Ave & 14th St

Cute gay chick on cell: I am aware that it’s pride month, but I still like to keep sharp ob­jects away from my nip­ples. My gay fore­fa­thers did not fight at Stonewall so that I might wear body jew­el­ry.

–4th Ave & 11th St, Brook­lyn

Moth­er to lit­tle boy: Those are not meant to be shown in pub­lic; nip­ples are pri­vate things.

–A Train

Over­heard by: g‑lime

Crazy guy, yelling: When I see my nip­ples in the mir­ror, I look away!

–Bed­ford Ave

Over­heard by: Zach Rock Steady

Not in the Face, Wednes­day One-Lin­er!

Man on phone: Wait, so she bit you? Dude! Wait, what? She punched you? Oh, you went to punch her? Dude, you punched her?

–Penn Sta­tion

Too young for fi­nal stage al­co­holism guy: I to­tal­ly held my own. I knocked the girl out and fucked the guy up.

–10th St & Ave A

Gang­ster: Next time I see him, I’­ma kick him in his good leg.

–Up­town F Train

Soft­ball-play­er-look­ing girl to friends: If you ever wear a tiara at your wed­ding, I’m go­ing to punch you in the face.

–Wag­n­er Park

Over­heard by: mclaire

Young moth­er to oth­ers: Yeah, but you haf­ta be care­ful. You can’t just hit your kids in pub­lic.

–Riv­ing­ton & Es­sex

Over­heard by: ver­bal abuse ftw!

Boyfriend to girl­friend: But if I punch you in the throat you will stop breath­ing.

–So­Ho

Teen girl: Did you see that? I al­most punched Ira’s glass in the chest! That was awe­some!

–AMC The­ater, 19th St & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Katie