Archive for the ‘Smoking’ Category

Be­cause I Nev­er In­hale

Woman walk­ing out the door to man: You smoke New­port?
Man: Sure, but what I need is a blunt, yo! (paus­es, looks at woman close­ly) Damn, you ain’t Ad­min­is­tra­tion for Chil­dren’s Ser­vices, are you?

–Queens Fam­i­ly Court

Wednes­day Still Re­mem­ber When You Could One-Lin­er in Bars

Young hip­ster guy to hobo: I hate to ask, but do you mind if I bum a cig­a­rette from you?

–Prince St

Over­heard by: Kris­ten W.

Flight at­ten­dant on PA: We’d like to re­mind you that this is a non-smok­ing ser­vice to Lon­don, but pas­sen­gers are per­mit­ted to smoke out­side the cab­in at any point dur­ing the flight.

–British Air­ways Flight to Heathrow

Crazy man: Smok­ing leads di­rect­ly to pros­ti­tu­tion!

–66th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: volup­tuous­grl

Dude: I’ve been smok­ing since I came out of my mom’s cooch.

–Hop Scotch Cafe

Woman with raspy voice: Man, cig­a­rettes are so ex­pen­sive now. When I start­ed smok­ing, it was on­ly a $1.25 a pack. Un­less I bought them off my mom, she on­ly charged 75 cents a pack.

–4 Train, Union Square

Over­heard by: Chris­tine

Mom to sev­en-year-old son: Come on, let’s go out for a cig­a­rette. (looks around ner­vous­ly at oth­er au­di­ence mem­bers) Well, not that you smoke.

–In­ter­mis­sion, Rent

In Oth­er Parts of the Coun­try, the Ven­dor Might Say, “I’m Sor­ry, Sir, but I Have No Camel Lights To­day”

Black guy: Cold wa­ter! Cold wa­ter! One dol­lar. One dol­lar! New­ports — five dol­lars! Get the spe­cial: New­ports and ice-cold wa­ter! Six dol­lars! Six dol­lars!
White guy: Do you have Camel Lights?
Black guy: Get the fuck out of here!
White guy: Well, then just a bot­tle of wa­ter, please.

–Broad­way & Gates, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Pe­ter