Old lady tourist: Excuse me sir, do you know where the Chinatown is?
Flaming gay Asian guy: Yeah. It’s downtown. Just follow the smell, girl… Follow that smell!
–Canal St
Overheard by: InShock
Archive for the ‘Soho’ Category
Tell That to Sarah Jessica Parker
Dude #1: So I’m totally fighting with Mark–
Dude #2: You mean physically fighting, or metaphysically fighting?
Dude #1: Metaphysically. But does it make a difference?
Dude #2: Well, dude, you can’t get punched in the face, metaphysically.
–West 3rd & Mercer
Overheard by: Dev Nille
Washed Leather, Gin and Tonics, and Money
Waspy woman #1, walking into J.Crew: It smells like J.Crew!
Waspy woman #2: It smells so good!
–J.Crew, Soho
Wednesday One-Liners Hang Weird Shit on Their Mirrors
Cab driver, getting cut off: Yeah, drive like you want that cheeseburger!
–Columbus Circle
Cabbie: I got in some trouble and my wife threw all my clothes out of the house. I never realized how many clothes I have! I know New York streets better than my own closet! (laughs)
–Cab, Broadway & Houston
Cab driver to colleague who just honked after he stopped for a pedestrian: What, you want me to kill him?
–Battery Park
Middle Eastern cab driver: I used to have a video store in Washington Heights. But the black bastard put me out of business! Can you believe it? After ten years the black bastard put me out of business! Do you now the black bastard on Dyckman? C’mon! Everybody knows the back bastard! Black bastard! Black bastard video!
–Cab, Washington Heights
Overheard by: Gene Gray
Cab driver: When you drive for ten hours a day, you learn that over 50% of drivers are, how do you say it…stupid.
–Queens
Overheard by: Fiasco
Don’t Make Me Do Math, Okay?
Guy #1: Yeah… she’s bipolar.
Guy #2: Really? I thought she was straight.
–Spring & Broadway
Overheard by: Kat
Wednesday One-Liners? Kinky!
300-pound girl on phone: Girl, you showed your whole booty crack? I know, he’s into that kinky downtown shit.
–14th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: bastardo
Loud upstate girl: I think…doin’ any kinda research inta furries? You’re in trouble.
–Hudson & Houston
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Hoochie: I mean, you gonna handcuff me, then handcuff me. But, you know, when I gotta go do my shit, I gotta go.
–1st St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: stephie
Curly-haired girl on cell: I’ve totally got a cold too! But I’ve also got bondage tape. And a cell phone activated vibrator.
–Ouidad salon
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Suit to another, while having lunch on bench: You put duct tape on her mouth and you do it from behind.
–Central Park
Guy at table: You know, she’s a quality girl, even when I was in handcuffs, I could tell that she was a quality girl.
–Carnegie Deli
Overheard by: Spazz
Hence Shonen Knife’s Tomato Head
Black chick: Hey, come here, look. Did you know that Asians can’t drink? Look at her face. It’s all red.
–Diesel, West Broadway
Rapunzel, Rapunzel, Let Down Your Wednesday One-Liners
Girl to friend: I can’t believe you broke a nail on your own ass hair!
–Church & Chambers
Three-year-old boy to another: I like you but I don’t like your baby because your baby grabbed my hair.
–Central Park, Great Lawn
Girl: Oh, I’m so glad this is all working out. (gets up and sees her reflection) Fuck! Why didn’t you tell me my hair looked like a dead beaver?
–Prince St Cafe
Overheard by: It DID
Black woman to infant held by her mother: Where did you get all of that hair? I want some of that hair. (pats her head) This ain’t my hair, I could really use yours.
–Harlem Polling Station
Overheard by: Joe
Girl yelling into cell: He’s not even hairy!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Well then why do they call him that?
Chick: I thought we were made for each other, but he’s too bearded.
–113th St
Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred
“Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Wednesday One-Liner”
Hobo to female passerby (singing): Pretty woman, walking down the street/Pretty woman, eating a hamburger…
–Wendy’s, Union Square
Overheard by: Hungry Bystander
Salesgirl to another: You look pretty today…for a little Filipino girl.
–American Eagle, SoHo
Overheard by: Holly
Loud hobo walking through crowded train: Lots of beautiful ladies on this train. Beautiful white ladies. Beautiful black ladies. I like her hat. (turns to one shy-looking girl) Do you wear makeup? You shouldn’t. You don’t need it, you are so beautiful. If you have any makeup, just throw it away. Or send it to my girl, cuz she is ugly.
–Downtown 4 Train
50-something woman to pretty 20-something girl: I just wanted you to know that our husbands over there think you are one of the most beautiful girls they have ever seen. So now our husbands are going to have sex with my friend and I tonight. They may be thinking of you during, but thanks to you I am going to have an orgasm tonight, so thank you for being so gorgeous.
–Boat Basin Cafe
Overheard by: Megan W.
Guy on iPhone: You think because you’re pretty you can get away with that shit. Well, you’re wrong! You can get away with that shit because you’re rich!
–Duane Reade, Columbus Ave
Overheard by: Veronica at http://everythingisused.blogspot.com/
Wednesday One-Liners Remember elimiDATE Fondly
Man on cell: Yeah man, she is so not anyone that I would be willing to invest years in… I mean I don’t want to have to spend my time actually working on it. I figured, hell, I kind of want to wake up next to someone a couple of days a week, so I might as well hang on through the summer. No, she has no idea…
–Columbus & 62nd St
Grad student: They have this symbiotic relationship in which he does all the eating and she does all the drinking.
–Columbia University
Woman to herself: God, I asked you for a good man; not a fucking joke!
–Spring & Hudson
Overheard by: Oscar Gamble
Firefighter to others: It’s not that I have anything against commitment; I just like diversity.
–125th St Fairway
Overheard by: Just Shoppint
Man in shorts to another: I wouldn’t date a girl with double vision, period.
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: Dr No-Eyes
Businesswoman to hobo: If you get back in the dating scene, I’ll kill you.
–Houston & Lafayette
Overheard by: Homeless guy must be hung
