Archive for the ‘Soho’ Category

Whose Life Is It If You’re Not There for It? Discuss.

Well-dressed 20-something woman: So yeah, I keep having sex with all these beautiful women, and then I have no memory of it whatsoever…
Well-dressed 20-something man: You’re so lucky. I was roofied once, but my friends were with me the whole time. When I went to the doctor and got blood tests and they found Rohypnol in my system, I was like “and I didn’t even fucking get laid?” (pause) That was literally my first reaction.

–Bowery & Prince

Overheard by: Sealed Beverage Drinker

Make Womb for Wednesday One-Liners

Suit on phone: I don’t think she knows. (pause) But it’s just a night job! (pause) No, there’s no way I’m pregnant. (pause) Why not?! Because I’m a man, goddammit!

–Starbucks

Woman on cell: So remember that time I thought I had that miscarriage?

–Grand Concourse & Fordham Road

Overheard by: Erica S

Slightly overweight girl: Thank you for the offer, sweetie, but I’m not pregnant. I’m just fat!

–M100 Bus

Overheard by: Tinathetiny

Tall girl on cell: No way! I thought *you* were going to impregnate *me*. I wanna have *your* children.

–Prince & Broadway

Overheard by: Ken Paprocki

Alice: I Could Go for Some Dwarfs

Husband: Geez! Alls you do is sit on your ass and play with the kids.
Wife: I’m sorry I am not Carol-freaking-Brady! We have six fucking kids and I still have no Alice! Give me a break and cook dinner your-fucking-self! The kids are eating PB&J — end of discussion.
Husband: The Brady Bunch was for me like Snow White was for you.
Wife: But the dwarfs here don’t whistle while they work. I still want Alice!
Husband: You always get the last word. I can’t top that! Dammit!

–Soho

Overheard by: Laura

Wednesday One-Liners’ Next Stop Is Meth

Man shouting to woman nearby: Yo! You better hurry up. I got you a ride. I’m going straight to the bridge, and I ain’t stopping for no crack!

–Amsterdam Ave & 92nd St.

Overheard by: Dana

Girl in dress to friends: And that was the first time I sucked dick for crack…

–10th St & Ave A

Man to another as he walks away: Don’t spend it all in one crackhouse.

–SoHo

Woman, yelling at man twenty feet ahead: Hey! Don’t walk away from me. At least you got crack yesterday!

–Broadway & 96th St