Archive for the ‘Sorority Girls’ Category

You’ve Been Wait­ing for an Ex­cuse to Use That One, Haven’t You?

NYU girl: I’m not sur­prised that she has mono. I mean, she’s been a slut for a while now. It was bound to catch up with her.
Friend: Yeah, she’s a re­verse juke­box.
NYU girl: A what?
Friend: You know how you put mon­ey in­to a juke­box and it makes noise? Guys put their dicks in her to make her shut the fuck up.

–NYU Sil­ver Cen­ter

At Least Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Pret­ty

Girl to friend: I won­der what’s the dif­fer­ence be­tween hard tacos and soft tacos.

–Line at Taco Bell, Queens Mall Food Court

Over­heard by: NTA

Guy talk­ing to his friend: I don’t be­lieve there is a first time for every­thing, but I do think there is a first time for any­thing.

–2nd St & Ave B

Over­heard by: Max Berlinger

Girl on cell in hall­way: She told me to get bac­te­r­i­al soap.

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty, Rose Hill

Over­heard by: Kriszti­na ‚who us­es an­ti-bac­te­r­i­al

Sub­way co­me­di­an: My wife is so stu­pid. I told her to take the 2 train, she took the 1 twice. [Awk­ward si­lence fol­lows. Co­me­di­an pro­ceeds to dance around a sub­way pole pre­tend­ing to be a strip­per.]

–1 Train

Over­heard by: Sub­way rid­er

Guy on cell: Dude, you’ve got to stop do­ing this “liv­ing pay­check to pay­check” thing be­cause every time you get a check it’s like an emo­tion­al high­way.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty Cam­pus

Over­heard by: Ali­na

Col­lege girl, af­ter clos­ing a Nutel­la jar: I solved it! I solved the puz­zle!

–Broome St

Over­heard by: YJL

Su­per­poke! Wednes­day Has Thrown a One-Lin­er at You!

Frus­trat­ed styl­ist on com­put­er: How do you spell “Google”?

–Dra­mat­ics Hair Sa­lon

Hot Asian woman: She has­n’t even post­ed her face on Face­book!

–88th & 2nd

Over­heard by: Sam H.

Teen to friend: My mom still has­n’t Face­booked me back about tak­ing care of my dog.

–Bed­ford Ave

Over­heard by: kayt

Soror­i­ty girl: Like…oh my god. We should write about our­selves on Juicy Cam­pus and see what oth­er peo­ple say.

–Class­room, NYU

Over­heard by: An­gela

Mid­dle-aged jan­i­tor: You’ve got to try that in­ter­net! It has every­thing!

–Mo­MA

Over­heard by: Cristi­na

What What (In the Wednes­day One-Lin­ers)

Drunk-look­ing girl on cell: … And I just re­ceived a post­card of butts! Things are look­ing up!

–Port Au­thor­i­ty

Over­heard by: La­dle

An­gry soc­cer mom: Who­ev­er has his or her hand on my ass, you bet­ter be one of my kids.

–Stat­en Is­land Fer­ry

Chick on cell: Ew! Ass stri­a­tions?

–1 Train

Over­heard by: La­dle

Col­lege girl: I slept at Steve’s dorm. Need­less to say, my ass cleared every sur­face he had in that room. Twice.

–Down­town B Train

Over­heard by: Po­la

Tall guy on cell: Lis­ten, if you want a white woman to show you her ass all you got­ta do is pull out a cam­era. They drop their panties in a sec­ond, at least that’s what I tell the com­mit­tee.

–Star­bucks, Colum­bus Cir­cle

Con­duc­tor over loud­speak­er: Aaaand next stop… Yo’ ma­ma’s ass!

–F Train from Queens

Over­heard by: Tina K

Cere­bral Cor­tex? No.…

Soror­i­ty girl tourist #1, about pho­to of guy on cam­era phone: Look at this glu­teus max­imus.
Soror­i­ty girl tourist #2: Oooh, nice glu­teus max­imus. Hey, what’s with all the weird body part names, any­way? Glu­teus max­imus…
Soror­i­ty girl tourist #1: Vul­va…

–34th & 8th

Over­heard by: Do­lores!

Dit­to

Guy #1: Okay…Wow…This one time in Madi­son I was so drunk…I was try­ing to get this soror­i­ty girl to come home with me and she said she would if I got rid of her ex-boyfriend (he was hang­ing out with us.) That’s all I re­mem­ber from that night! I woke up the next morn­ing, in bed, soak­ing wet, with a pulled groin mus­cle and scrapes all over my knees and el­bows!
Guy #2: What the fuck?
Guy #1: Yeah! I had to ask around to find out what hap­pened. Ap­par­ent­ly, I sor­ta, uh, fell in the lake in Madison–I pulled my groin mus­cle there–then I pulled my­self out and crawled home on hands and knees since I could­n’t walk.
Guy #2: What…the fuck…?

–B1 bus

Over­heard by: Justin Fores