Archive for the ‘Sorority Girls’ Category

Cere­bral Cor­tex? No.…

Soror­i­ty girl tourist #1, about pho­to of guy on cam­era phone: Look at this glu­teus max­imus.
Soror­i­ty girl tourist #2: Oooh, nice glu­teus max­imus. Hey, what’s with all the weird body part names, any­way? Glu­teus max­imus…
Soror­i­ty girl tourist #1: Vul­va…

–34th & 8th

Over­heard by: Do­lores!


Guy #1: Okay…Wow…This one time in Madi­son I was so drunk…I was try­ing to get this soror­i­ty girl to come home with me and she said she would if I got rid of her ex-boyfriend (he was hang­ing out with us.) That’s all I re­mem­ber from that night! I woke up the next morn­ing, in bed, soak­ing wet, with a pulled groin mus­cle and scrapes all over my knees and el­bows!
Guy #2: What the fuck?
Guy #1: Yeah! I had to ask around to find out what hap­pened. Ap­par­ent­ly, I sor­ta, uh, fell in the lake in Madison–I pulled my groin mus­cle there–then I pulled my­self out and crawled home on hands and knees since I could­n’t walk.
Guy #2: What…the fuck…?

–B1 bus

Over­heard by: Justin Fores

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers and Tigers and Bears–Oh, My!

Young woman to an­oth­er: But do you know how big a horse dick is?

–5th Ave & Car­roll, Park Slope

Girl: I’m re­al­ly tired. I’m, like, an an­i­mal ac­tivist right now.

–Park­ing Lot, Broad­way Mall

Over­heard by: Lysa

Stu­dent: I’m not that sen­si­tive. I can watch those videos where they like, tor­ture the an­i­mal or what­ev­er, and then I’ll go eat it.

–Car­do­zo Law School

Asian girl: Does this make me look like a sad Pan­da?

–NYU Din­ing Hall

Co­lum­bia girl: I’d nev­er have asked if I knew he was the one who’d killed it. But I did­n’t sus­pect him. Who’d spend their time stran­gling a ger­bil?

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Who’d have thought?

Gui­do to friend: Yo, it smells like a skunk burped up a hot dog.

–Penn Sta­tion

La­dy on speak­er: If you have an an­i­mal, please do not put it through the X‑ray.

–La­Guardia Air­port

Um, Was­n’t She 92?

High school girl #1: Yeah, she re­al­ly needs to take bet­ter care of her­self!
High school girl #2: Well, not any­more. She’s dead.
High school girl #1: Well, she should have.

–Down­town 1 Train

Over­heard by: Chris­tiana Lit­tle

Wednes­day Undie-Lin­ers

Col­lege girl on cell: So as of last week­end I’ve pledged to be celi­bate for a year…although on sec­ond thought, it should re­al­ly start to­day. I got pret­ty trashed last night and this morn­ing I could­n’t find the un­der­wear I was wear­ing yes­ter­day.

–Church St

Over­heard by: Em­ma

20-some­thing woman: Did you en­joy the bra fit­ting? Old la­dy grab your bits?

–Out­side Town Shop

Over­heard by: Wild Dog Boy

El­der­ly woman ex­am­in­ing bras: What’s with all this padding? I got my own damn tit­ties!

–H&M, 5th Ave

Over­heard by: tit­ti-less

Eight-year-old in a suit jack­et on cell, strut­ting around the store: Did you see any hot, sexy girls? Yeah, but were they hot and sexy? Where are you, man? Are you still in the un­der­wear aisle? Yeah, but are you still by the panties? (loud­er) The panties!

–Barnes & No­ble, Tribeca

Over­heard by: emdee­bee

Trashy girl walk­ing fun­ny: Well, I guess I should have worn un­der­wear.

–Arthur Ave

You Look Slight­ly Less Chub­by in This Brides­maid­’s Dress. How’s That for Sup­port­ive?

Col­lege girl #1: Ugh, I can’t be­lieve I have to go to my un­cle’s wed­ding. It’s his fuck­ing third one!
Col­lege girl #2: His third one?
Col­lege girl #1: Yes! Why can’t he just go to some de­sert­ed is­land and get mar­ried by him­self?!
Col­lege girl #3: Well, you can’t re­al­ly get mar­ried by your­self.
Col­lege girl #1: Will you please just be sup­port­ive? You know what I mean.

–MetroNorth, Harlem Line

Over­heard by: rpk