Archive for the ‘Southerners’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Have Their Ups and “Downs”

Dog own­er to an­oth­er: Dogs are fun­ny. They’re like lit­tle re­tard­ed kids.

–Tomp­kins Square Park Dog Run

Guy on cell: She went from Deb­bie down­er to Deb­bie Down Syn­drome.

–62nd St & 2nd Ave

Over­heard by: Timo Lip­ping

Dad: I thought she would like Car­oli­na, so we took her to see four schools there. I asked her if she liked them and she said, “I liked the schools… But every­one there seemed slight­ly re­tard­ed.”

–W 54th St & 8th Ave

Over­heard by: John­ny V.

South­ern woman who just ran NYC marathon to South­ern friend: Well, we can’t have a ba­by now be­cause it would be re­tard­ed… be­cause I’m 35, you know?

–Bec­co Restau­rant, The­ater Dis­trict

Over­heard by: mer­say­seh

But I Al­so Like Clean­ing and Suck­ing Cock!

Hot south­ern girl #1: So, be­fore I came up here my mom is like, “Be very care­ful around those north­ern boys, they think all south­ern girls just love to cook and fuck.“
Hot south­ern girl #2: Oh my gosh, are you se­ri­ous? They think that? That’s so messed up!
Hot south­ern girl #1: I know!
Hot south­ern girl #2: But I re­al­ly do love to cook… And fuck.
Hot south­ern girl #1: I know… Me too.

–Union Square Cafe

Over­heard by: Mov­ing South

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Like Their Women Like They Like Their Cof­fee: Hot, and with a Spoon in Them.

Hip­ster on cell: Dude, yeah, cof­fee gives me the shits too; but I’d rather have the shits than no cof­fee.

–Dunkin’ Donuts

Over­heard by: Mada­lyn

Po­et, sell­ing self-pub­lished book on train: We’re like Star­bucks cof­fee and bis­cot­ti; you’re tall and hot and I’m hard and nut­ty.

–Up­town 6 Train

Over­heard by: Marc

Lit­tle girl to moth­er: It’s like every sin­gle per­son in the whole wide world came to Star­bucks and we were the veeeer­rrrryyy last ones.

–Star­bucks

Colonel Sanders-look­ing man, in strong South­ern ac­cent: I want some­thin cold… Whadya git?

–Star­bucks

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers for Di­ane Keaton

Straight guy in hot pink un­der­wear: Yeah, I’ve fall­en asleep in deer stands, and all kinds of weird places.

–Gold’s Gym, 54th St

Over­heard by: John­ny V

Girl on cell: His hair is wiry and weird. He had a par­ty and sold raf­fle tick­ets, the win­ner got to restyle his hair. He’s weird.

–1 Train

Over­heard by: whirlygirlie518

White teen girl to friends: No, no, no! I told you guys, if I mar­ry a Japan­ese, then there’s all that weird sex stuff. I’m mar­ry­ing Ko­re­an. They’re adorable, and don’t have that weird com­mu­nism thing the Chi­nese do.

–Chi­na­town

Girl from Nashville on cell: They serve like weird pas­ta here with weird veg­eta­bles and weird meat. My fa­vorite meal here is break­fast. I am so ready to go home!

–La­Guardia Air­port

Over­heard by: D‑Law

There’s Very Lit­tle Sleep­ing Go­ing On

Al­aba­man tourist: Do the trains run all night?
NY-er: Yes, they nev­er close.
Al­aba­man tourist: Well, that’s good. We want­ed to make sure we could get back from Times Square.
NY-er: Well, by New York stan­dards it’s still ear­ly. It is on­ly 9:30.
Al­aba­man tourist: Yeah, from where we’re from it’s late. We sleep with the roost­ers… Well, not lit­er­al­ly.

–1/2/3 sta­tion, 72nd St

Over­heard by: Deb­bie