Archive for the ‘Southerners’ Category

Coun­try Mouse, Wednes­day One-Lin­er Mouse

Very hap­py male suit wear­ing slip­pers, shuf­fling down to the sub­way: If you can wear slip­pers in New York, you can wear slip­pers any­where.

–2 Train

Over­heard by: Lara

Suit on cell: I’m so glad to be in New York, where every­one is so mel­low and every­one talks Amer­i­can.

–Di­Fara Pizze­ria

Guy to date: That’s what I love about New York–people wear dif­fer­ent out­fits.

–Out­side Deluxe, 113th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: La­dle

Dad to pre­teen daugh­ter: See, I re­al­ly don’t have is­sues with cit­i­zens not from New York city.

–For­est Hills

Over­heard by: de­pends on cit­i­zens

Woman on cell: I’m in New York, where Sesame Street lives.

–52nd & 7th

Over­heard by: AEVRed

South­ern la­dy on cell: I have to say I’m dis­ap­point­ed. I thought the Wal-Mart in New York would be amaz­ing. Ya’ll don’t even have a Wal-Mart.

–Du­ane Reade, 34th & 8th

Tour De Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Large fe­male south­ern tourist: It’d be re­al­ly fun­ny if we got stuck on the toi­let and could­n’t get up. It’d be the whole “help! Get me off this toi­let!” thing.

–Bath­room, Met­ro­pol­i­tan Mu­se­um of Art

Tourist woman to hus­band: Where’s that cop who was here a minute ago? He gave me the wrong di­rec­tions, and I wan­na cuss him out for it!

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Deeds

Tourist: Is this the build­ing where peo­ple go all crazy about the num­bers?

–Out­side New York Stock Ex­change

Over­heard by: Kyle

50-some­thing tourist hus­band to wife, while they share bites of same ap­ple: I don’t know why we came to this city… We can’t even af­ford break­fast.

–34th & 7th

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Have Their Ups and “Downs”

Dog own­er to an­oth­er: Dogs are fun­ny. They’re like lit­tle re­tard­ed kids.

–Tomp­kins Square Park Dog Run

Guy on cell: She went from Deb­bie down­er to Deb­bie Down Syn­drome.

–62nd St & 2nd Ave

Over­heard by: Timo Lip­ping

Dad: I thought she would like Car­oli­na, so we took her to see four schools there. I asked her if she liked them and she said, “I liked the schools… But every­one there seemed slight­ly re­tard­ed.”

–W 54th St & 8th Ave

Over­heard by: John­ny V.

South­ern woman who just ran NYC marathon to South­ern friend: Well, we can’t have a ba­by now be­cause it would be re­tard­ed… be­cause I’m 35, you know?

–Bec­co Restau­rant, The­ater Dis­trict

Over­heard by: mer­say­seh

Wednes­day Wears the One-Lin­ers in This Fam­i­ly

South­ern tourist in pink pants: I don’t see any­body else wear­ing pink pants around here!

–73rd & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Har­ri­et Vane

Girl on cell, wear­ing leg­gings and a t‑shirt: Oh, shit, I for­got to put on pants again.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

La­dy in cor­ner stall: Damn, I done sweat­ed through my pants!

–Re­stroom, 1 Lib­er­ty Plaza

Smug girl to gag­gle: No, these are my pe­ri­od pants. My mom washed them for me!

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: bih.

Thug: I’m the on­ly playa in the hood with his pants on his waist!

–10th & Ave B

Over­heard by: Kay­la K

Con­duc­tor over in­ter­com: At­ten­tion, all crew mem­bers! Be sure you have your pants! Hey, Lar­ry, you got yo’ pants?

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Ge­ol­o­gist

Try Ask­ing Gan­dalf and Fro­do

Over­weight mid­dle aged South­ern tourist point­ing to ap­proach­ing train: Where is this train go­ing?
Se­mi-an­noyed girl: Queens.
Tourist: Yeah, but where is that?
Quite-a-bit-an­noyed girl: Queens.
Tourist: Yeah, but where is that?
De­flat­ed girl: It’s… Nev­er mind.

–1 Train

Over­heard by: Melanie C.

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Get Swept Away in Mass­es Of Hu­man­i­ty

Tourist: Hey look, it’s 42nd Street! They named it af­ter a Broad­way show.

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Re­al­ly? RE­AL­LY!?!

Tourist dad, as shut­tle to Grand Cen­tral comes in: No! We need to take the pur­ple to Grand Cen­tral Sta­tion, then the green!

–Times Square Shut­tle Plat­form

Over­heard by: D‑Law

Male tourist, watch­ing stranger pro­pose un­der­neath Christ­mas tree: Hey bud­dy, did you go to Jared?

–Rock­e­feller Cen­ter

South­ern tourist la­dy, as sub­way stops: Oh no, I think the train ran out of gas!

–F Train

Over­heard by: Matt

South­ern tourist: I guess the birds ate all the hands off the stat­ues.

–The Clois­ters, Harlem

Over­heard by: [email protected]