Archive for the ‘Stall Spies’ Category

You Think You’re Sick, and Then New York Shows You What ‘Sick’ Re­al­ly Means

Guy: Is it just me, or does be­ing sick make you re­al­ly horny?
Girl: I’m pret­ty sure it’s just you.
Guy: Oh. Well that may be be­cause I’m just re­al­ly horny all the time.
Girl: Then get away from me and watch some pornos.
Guy: I don’t think that’s the rem­e­dy I had in mind.
Ran­dom guy: There’s no shame in mas­tur­bat­ing, my brotha. It’s to­tal­ly nat­ur­al. Hell, I do it all the time. I just did it five min­utes ago in the Star­bucks bath­room.
Girl: Run!

–Union Square

Over­heard by: was on my way to Star­bucks un­til I heard this!

Noth­ing to Be Ashamed of — It’s Just Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Lit­tle girl scream­ing to moth­er from bath­room stall: Why do I have to flush every time? Oh, no, I’m stuck!

–In­di­an restau­rant

Black man singing while pee­ing at uri­nal: Oh, Lord, when can I go to heav­en? Oh, Lord, when can I go to heav­en? [Fin­ish­es uri­nat­ing abrupt­ly.] Thank you, Lord Je­sus. Hal­lelu­jah!

–Stat­en Is­land Fer­ry

Guy in stall: I’m an athe­ist! I’m an athe­ist! [He shits.] Thank you! Thank you, MLK, for giv­ing me the pow­er!

–NYC Main Li­brary

Trendy girl in stall: The toi­let’s try­ing to eat my ass!


Over­heard by: I’d say give a spit pol­ish more than eat

50-ish la­dy on cell in stall: Hel­lo? In the bath­room… I had to pee-pee, so I’m in the bath­room at Bar­ney’s… Yeah, so the doc­tor said she might have can­cer and she’d have to get a biop­sy… Hold on while I wipe.


Over­heard by: Caryn

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Do Not Pass “Go”; Do Not Col­lect $200

Guy: I don’t think you’re sup­posed to like be­ing in­car­cer­at­ed.

–St. Mark’s Place

Over­heard by: mkb

Mid­dle-aged man on phone: I’m telling you, if I turn my­self in now I won’t be in court for six months.

–50th & 8th

Grungy guy to his friend: …Dude, you have no idea how many times I’ve been in this cour­t­house…

–Gi­ants Pa­rade, in Front of the Cour­t­house

Over­heard by: Ju­lian

Guy on phone: We re­al­ly got our­selves in some deep shit with this one. I hope he gets out soon­er for good be­hav­ior. We should have nev­er got­ten in­volved.

–JFK Air­port

Woman, yelling in stall: I will read you your Mi­ran­da rights, bitch! I will ar­rest you!

–Port Au­thor­i­ty Wom­en’s Bath­room

Over­heard by: un­sure if she is crazy or on the phone

Cashier on phone: No, you don’t un­der­stand, miss. That is per­jury. If I do that, I will go to jail… No, you are not lis­ten­ing to me. I would be ar­rest­ed. I would serve time…[hangs up, turns to cus­tomers.] Can I help you?

–Harlem U‑Haul

Sto­ry of My Life

Girl #1: I don’t know how I feel about him. He’s kind of an elit­ist.
Girl #2: Well, some peo­ple would say I’m an elit­ist.
Girl #1: Yeah, but with you it’s fun­ny.

–Pratt ladies’ room, Man­hat­tan

Over­heard by: Jack­ie C.

Dude: Hi! Where do you keep your books about re­venge?

–Pos­man Books, Grand Cen­tral

Over­heard by: Laven­der Men­ace