Customer: Hey, you lost a lot of weight.
Barista: No, I gave birth two weeks ago.
Customer: To a baby?
–Starbucks
Overheard by: mjw51
Archive for the ‘Starbucks’ Category
The Giulianification of Times Square Continues
Woman: Um, excuse me but there’s no sugar at either station.
Barista girl: There’s no sugar. We ran out.
Woman: None?
Barista girl: No, they ain’t got any on 42nd either.
–Starbucks, 43rd & 8th
We’ve Given Up All Attachment to Outcomes
20-something: Can I get an eggnog steamer cut with skim? Is that possible?
Barista: Ma’am, anything’s possible. Next!
–Starbucks, Times Square
Make Womb for Wednesday One-Liners
Suit on phone: I don’t think she knows. (pause) But it’s just a night job! (pause) No, there’s no way I’m pregnant. (pause) Why not?! Because I’m a man, goddammit!
–Starbucks
Woman on cell: So remember that time I thought I had that miscarriage?
–Grand Concourse & Fordham Road
Overheard by: Erica S
Slightly overweight girl: Thank you for the offer, sweetie, but I’m not pregnant. I’m just fat!
–M100 Bus
Overheard by: Tinathetiny
Tall girl on cell: No way! I thought *you* were going to impregnate *me*. I wanna have *your* children.
–Prince & Broadway
Overheard by: Ken Paprocki
You Know You’re Loose When the Homeless Call You On It
Chick on cell: That sounds good. Oh yeah…you promise? Well I guess we could manage that around 8 o’ clock at Starbucks.
Hobo: Girl, you’re dirty. At a coffee shop?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Ester Ellis
A Sadder Version of Dot-coming
Guy #1: Oh man, they have the old GI Joe figures for sale on this site.
Guy #2: Oh shit, really? That’s awesome.
Guy #3: Yo, what site are you guys looking at?
Guy #4: www.neverbeenlaid.org.
–Starbucks, 7th between 49th & 50th
Overheard by: Jon
Clearly You Haven’t Seen Her Creepy Scrapbook
Tween girl #1: He had a boner. It was so gross.
Tween girl #2: How do you know he had a boner?
Tween girl #1: I’ve known him since first grade. He had a boner.
Tween guy: How does knowing him since first grade have anything to do with knowing that he had a boner?
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Bryan
That’s the Least Successful Children’s Book Ever
Guy #1: The Great Cock Hunt? Isn’t that a Hunter S. Thompson novel?
Guy #2: No, you idiot. It’s a gay porn site. What kind of mo are you?
–Starbucks, 23rd & 8th
What? I’m Diabetic!
Mom to fussing toddler: I’m right here, sweetheart!
Crazy guy: Sweetheart. Sweeeetheart. Why not “salt” heart? Saaaaaaaaaalllllllttttt heeeeaaaaaarrt!
–Starbucks
Kevin Was Finally Forced to Go Out for Coffee
Guy #1: Dude, I just totally saw my first dead guy!
Guy #2: Wow, how long have you lived here?
Guy #1: About two years.
Guy #2: Damn, it took you that long to see a dead guy? Have you ever stepped outside your apartment?
–Starbucks, Broadway
