Archive for the ‘Starbucks’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Better Not End Up on the Internet

30-something on cell: Mom, he came over and took a picture of my toilet!

–Spring & Greene

20-something chick: First of all, who poses bare-ass naked on a car in a Wal-Mart parking lot? Secondly, who bleaches their asshole? Third, who takes a picture of it and e-mails it to all their friends?!

–113th, between Broadway & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Queer: He photographs really poorly. That’s a big problem for me…

–Starbucks, Washington Square

Overheard by: jess

Woman to friend: You know, just because I work with her doesn’t mean I have to look at photos of her placenta.

–34th & 3rd

Overheard by: X. L. Percy

Dirty, Sexy Wednesday One-Liners

Young gay guy in Daisy Dukes, shades and tank top, yammering away on cell: Is it totally acceptable to have sex on the beach there?

–43rd St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Anna Rose

Teen boy to friend: If I were a giant I'd fuck the Statue of Liberty!

–Houston & Broadway

Overheard by: Henry

Chick to friend: As soon as I get over this yeast infection, I'm gonna bang the shit out of him.

–McDonald's, Times Square

Overheard by: Keep It Movin'

Black guy on cell: Penetration?! Penetration?! It ain't about penetration, it's all about sensation.

–E 4th St

Overheard by: girl named sugar

Drunk man to drunk woman, while making out against a car: Let's just go with it…let's just fuck on top of the car.

–Bleecker & Macdougal

Girl to the guy at the next table: Haven't I slept with you before?

–Stabrucks, 78th & Lexington

Overheard by: Ashlee

Wednesday One-Liners Toot Their Own Horns

Guy on cell: Guitars… guitarists, guitarists… drummers, yeah, any musicians… Girls, yeah! Girls!

–Prospect Heights

Suave European guy: I am playing the piano and the flute. At the same time. It’s a metaphor.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Librarianish-looking woman: He asked me if I wanted to blow his tuba, and I said, "sure!". It was amazingly harder than I thought it would be. And, he’s bringing his organ tomorrow so I can play with it.

–Battery Park Starbucks

30-something woman: My consultant was telling me I should try not to sound elitist. But that’s really hard for me. I mean, I have two master’s degrees and I play the violin.

–14th St & 1st Ave

Bodybuilder on cell: I’m thinking a harpsichord, a wig, and a whole lotta talcum powder.

–Chinatown Bus

Blonde high school girl: Grinding is as practical as playing the harpsichord was for Jane Austen.

–Upper East Side

Wednesday One-Liners Are So Hot Right Now

Big muscular man on cell: It's so damn hot, I'm glad I'm not wearing makeup.

–Outside Tribeca Deli

Overheard by: Akiko

Conductor: This is 42nd Street, Times Square. Number 3 train across the platform. Get it while it's hot!

–Downtown 1 Train

Elderly black woman to no one in particular: It's so hot my pussy is melting!

–12th & Broadway

Overheard by: lemchek

Enthusiastic girl: As soon as I saw his name in lights! His name is so hot! So I have to marry him!

–Thompson & W 3rd St

Guy: I'm telling ya that it was so damn hot in there that my balls rolled out from under my towel and fell on the floor… like they was trying to escape or something.

–Starbucks

Dude to friend: I wanna say she's hot… But I mean she looks like the type of girl who accepts Discover.

–The Village

Do You Take This Wednesday to Be Your Lawfully Wedded One-Liner?

Grad student: Translation: Will you marry me? Or: I don’t want germs.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Dude: … My wedding [mumble] gonna take away my clothes, so I’m going to need a tear-away tuxedo.

–53rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Jo

Chick to another: Yeah, he’s the one who wouldn’t marry her because she was too pale.

–Starbucks

Blonde: … And I’m really not sure, because he said he shouldn’t unless we are married, but that it’s okay, we could just do it and then he could just confess his sins or something like that…

–Broadway & Prince

Overheard by: Dan

Lesbian to group: So, what is the reason behind getting married, besides pretending to be heterosexual? Exactly — presents!

–Party, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Jude

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