Archive for the ‘Staten Island’ Category

The Pit­ter-Pat­ter of Tiny Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Young boy: Fuck school! When I’m old enough, I’m just go­ing to stay home and make ba­bies.

–1 Train

Col­lege pro­fes­sor: Every­thing that is wrong in this world can be traced back to ba­bies.

–40th & 8th Ave

Over­heard by: Just Try­ing to Smoke in Peace

Girl on phone: I’m go­ing to have to can­cel for a few dif­fer­ent rea­sons. First, the ba­by has­n’t got­ten all her shots. And more im­por­tant­ly, there’s some­thing peck­ing through my wall! I’m re­al­ly freaked out!

–Bleeck­er and Lafayette

Woman with three kids, af­ter watch­ing the el­dest push the mid­dle to the ground: What are you push­ing him down for? Are you try­ing to up­set my stom­ach so I lose this ba­by in­side me?

–St Marks Place, Stat­en Is­land

Girl on cell: Well if she likes to have ba­bies so much, why don’t she just be a … doc­tor!

–52nd & 7th

Pro­fes­sor: 42-year-old ba­bies don’t have bones.

–Sch­enec­tady Coun­ty Com­mu­ni­ty Col­lege

Re­mem­ber That Whole Strike Thing?

Guy: God damn it! Where were you? I wait­ed an hour for you to show up! Were you on a cof­fee break or what?
Bus dri­ver: Sir, that’s not pos­si­ble, the lead bus was on­ly ten min­utes ahead of me. I watched him pull out of the de­pot.
Guy: Screw you! You guys are the re­al ter­ror­ists! You’re what Home­land Se­cu­ri­ty is try­ing to pro­tect us against!

–Stat­en Is­land Fer­ry Ter­mi­nal, Stat­en Is­land

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Say the Neon Lights Are Bright

Guy: Now, you know I want Tarzan the Mu­si­cal to be a gi­ant flop, but…

–54th & Broad­way

Ghet­to teen, watch­ing Sut­ton Fos­ter sing “You’ve Got Pos­si­bil­i­ties” from It’s a Bird, It’s a Plane, It’s Su­per­man!, the mu­si­cal: Maybe these crack­ers be fa­mous, but it’s Broad­way. This shit sucks.

–Cen­tral Park

Over­heard by: war­ren free­man

Tourist chick, on cell: On Wednes­day, we’re go­ing to see The Di­rec­torsThe Di­rec­torsThe Di­rec­tors. C’­mon, you know, The Di­rec­tors! Oh, I mean The Pro­duc­ers!

–Side­street Sa­loon, Stat­en Is­land

Over­heard by: John­ny Dron­go

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Thank God for Their Pig­gy Banks

Lit­tle boy,jumping up and down: The Dow Jones is up! The Dow Jones is up!

–86th & Lex­ing­ton

Over­heard by: Some Ran­dom Girl

Crazy man, shout­ing at no one in par­tic­u­lar: Fuck the econ­o­my, your ass­hole just dropped 200 points!

–8th Ave & 19th St

Slack­er on a smoke break: Yeah, Mc­Cain said he is go­ing to sus­pend his cam­paign so that he can work on the econ­o­my. I mean, re­al­ly. It would be like me say­ing I’m sus­pend­ing my pot dis­tri­b­u­tion so that I can work on quan­tum physics.

–For­est Ave., Stat­en Is­land

Over­heard by: po­lit­i­cal lis­ten­er

Hobo on sub­way to man in suit: Spare change? Any­one? Spare change for the home­less? You look like you worked for Lehman Broth­ers, you’re ex­cused.

–51st St

Over­heard by: Kate

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Did Chop Down That Cher­ry Tree

Well dressed par­ty-go­er: No, like, I went to Prince­ton ‑we lied all the time.


Over­heard by: Cuny Grad­u­ate

Dude on cell: Okay… Great. Yeah. But I got­ta go. My mom’s call­ing. [Hangs up, shoves phone in pock­et.]

–Wag­n­er Col­lege, Stat­en Is­land

Over­heard by: Squig­gs

Woman on cell: I just don’t un­der­stand why he got so freaked out about it. I said “I love you” ‑big fuck­ing deal. That does­n’t mean any­thing. I could have been ly­ing. I was ly­ing, for Christ’s sake.

–L Train

Crazy hobo: Hillary Clin­ton is a liar, she lies. We’ve been mar­ried for 28 years and she won’t ad­mit to it. Liar. Afraid of in­te­gra­tion, that’s Hillary.

–E Train

Over­heard by: Liz Beaux

Suit on cell to his wife: Yeah… Yeah… Oh, hon­ey, I have to go, this is it, the train’s here. Bye! [Clicks over to the oth­er line.] Hey bud­dy! How’s it go­ing!

–125th St. Sub­way plat­form

Over­heard by: EthanK

Twen­tysome­thing play­er on cell, pick­ing fresh hairs off him : I feel you, I feel you, I can’t meet up with you now, I have to go to For­est Hills to get my hair­cut.

–N Train

Over­heard by: john

Guy on cell: Most peo­ple lie to get out of ju­ry du­ty and here I am be­ing hon­est about NAM­BLA.

–73rd & 2nd

Over­heard by: melis­sa

Life Is Like a Box of Wednes­day One-Lin­ers…

Man on cell: What did I do to you? I bought you a house and you don’t even wan­na live in it!

–F Train

Over­heard by: LC

Con­duc­tor, over in­ter­com: Ladies and gen­tle­men, this train is over­booked. That’s just the way things are. Life is un­fair.

–Am­trak Train, Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: La­dle

Suit: There was a time in my life when I would have nev­er tired of hear­ing the word “vagi­na”. That time has passed.

–Stat­en Is­land Supreme Court

Con­duc­tor: Watch your step as you ex­it the train, and if you’re late, just re­mem­ber that life is a lot like be­ing on this train: we may not be there yet, but we’re get­ting there.

–2 Train

Over­heard by: can this con­duc­tor dri­ve my train every day please?