Little girl: Mommy! Mommy! How many times have I asked you for a brother?
Mother to friend: Yeah, she's been buggin' me about having a boy.
Little girl: Yeah! And we can name him David!
Mother: David? David? Hooooo, girl! Hell no!
–Staten Island Ferry
French tourist, after discussing America's faults in the world, to American man: Can you take a picture of us with the Statue of Liberty in the background?
American man: Ain't she a beautiful bitch?
French tourist: Why do you say “bitch”?
American man: Well, she's French. Welcome to America.
–Staten Island Ferry
Older man, to no one in particular: That's why I keep my income low, so no one jumps me.
–Myrtle & Clinton, Brooklyn
Woman with scratch-off lotto card to friend: I won four dollars! I won four dollars! You know I can't spend that, though. I gotta get food for my kids. Those niggas be hungry!
–Staten Island Ferry
Angelic-looking teen girl screaming into cell: Are you coming to the movies with me? You're broke? Just mug someone on the way. Mug someone! (pause) Mug! M-u-g! Rhymes with "thug"!
–Chambers & West St
Puerto Rican dude on cell: I ain't got no money. I got weed, but I ain't got no money.
–25th St & 7th Ave
Village lady: She was in foreclosure before it was fashionable to be in foreclosure.
–Bleecker & Mercer
Brit lady, to MTA booth lady: Two adults, please. We’ll be getting off around 58th Street.
–14th St F station
Overheard by: Fidget
Tourist: Excuse me, does the F train stop here?
–Subway sandwiches, Houston & Lafayette
Tourist woman, loudly: Jeany? How many stops are we going on this train?
–Times Square shuttle
Overheard by: nevermind
Tourist: Excuse me, which way is it to Upper Town?
–Broadway & Worth
Overheard by: dukes
Tourist: Is this now the Grand Canyon of the East Coast?
–Ground Zero
Tourist: My plane doesn’t leave for 4 hours. Can I walk to the Statue of Liberty from here?
–La Guardia Airport
Overheard by: Jose Hernandez
Tourist, leading a group of more than a dozen fellow tourists: Okay, I… um…don’t know where we are now…Oh, wait! Yes I do! We’re at the South Street Seaport!
–Union Square
Blonde: Look, there’s the Chrysler. Look, there’s Times Square. Where’s the Empire State Building?
–Top of Empire State Building
Overheard by: englishman in new york
Tourist, to deck hand: I can’t see the Statue of Liberty. Would you please move the lifeboat out of the way while I take a picture?
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: Steven Lowell
Drunk-looking girl on cell: … And I just received a postcard of butts! Things are looking up!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Ladle
Angry soccer mom: Whoever has his or her hand on my ass, you better be one of my kids.
–Staten Island Ferry
Chick on cell: Ew! Ass striations?
–1 Train
Overheard by: Ladle
College girl: I slept at Steve’s dorm. Needless to say, my ass cleared every surface he had in that room. Twice.
–Downtown B Train
Overheard by: Pola
Tall guy on cell: Listen, if you want a white woman to show you her ass all you gotta do is pull out a camera. They drop their panties in a second, at least that’s what I tell the committee.
–Starbucks, Columbus Circle
Conductor over loudspeaker: Aaaand next stop… Yo’ mama’s ass!
–F Train from Queens
Overheard by: Tina K
Female: Stop calling me “dude,” I'm a “dudette”! I haven't got cojones.
Male: You never let me look.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: bonobobill
Big guy to girlfriend after stepping on her feet in the crowd: I'm sorry. It's not my fault I have these huge boats for feet.
Random lady: They could be canoes…
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Guy #1: I finished my basement this weekend.
Guy #2: You finally finished it!
Guy #2: Yeah, it's now a finished basement.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: Ron
Mother to screaming child: Please stop crying and put your coat on. I am not hurting you or torturing you, so please stop crying.
–4th Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: olivejuice
Father to kid who just started crying: Hey, stop! I thought I told you to wait until we got home!
–Park Slope, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Lucian
Guy to girl, on Valentine's Day: You look fat when you cry.
–Cobble Hill
Overheard by: MJB
Hispanic man on phone to girlfriend: Ma, why you cryin?! You should be breaking up with me because I hit you!
–Staten Island Ferry
Guy to girlfriend: I'm sorry I pulled your hair while you were crying.
–Bowery & 2nd
Gum-chewing chick #1: He should get life for what he did.
Gum-chewing chick #2: Life? He should be executed!
Gum-chewing chick #1: That’s what I mean! He should get life!
Gum-chewing chick #2: That’s not what “getting life” means. “Getting life” means you go to prison for the rest of your life. Don’t you know anything?
Gum-chewing chick #1: Well, I don’t read the papers or watch the news…
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: Johnny Drongo