Archive for the ‘Staten Island Ferry’ Category

Wednes­day One-lin­ers are Out in the Streets

Hobo: Shit, I’m jus’ tryin’ ta get me some pussy and a beef sand­wich.

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Ja­son K

Old bag la­dy: I’m look­ing for some change, some food, or a sex­u­al part­ner.

–Lafayette & Great Jones

Hobo: I have some­thing to say! I fucked your daugh­ter! And she liked it! And she was tight!

–W. 4th & Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Snezhana Vald­man

Hobo: Too many Po­lice in­ves­ti­ga­tions stop­ping you from reach­ing your des­ti­na­tion? I may be home­less, but I got a brain. It may not be a big brain, but it’s usingable!

–Stat­en Is­land fer­ry

Over­heard by: Joel Guil­bert

Hobo: Well, since you won’t give me mon­ey, one more thing. Has your sis­ter or girl­friend, I don’t know who she is, ever told you that bag does not go with that coat?

–45th & 9th

Over­heard by: Paul Schel­len­berg

Drunk hobo: Hey girl! You look like Aretha Fran­lin! R‑E-S-E-C-P‑T! R‑E-S-E-C-P‑T! Give me some re­spect!

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Evan

Hobo: It’s 90 de­grees out. Why are we wear­ing clothes? That’s men­tal ill­ness.

–Rock­e­feller Cen­ter sta­tion

His­to­ry Is an Un­bro­ken Chain of Irony

Ger­man tourist #1: We went to the Jew­ish Her­itage Mu­se­um yes­ter­day and the se­cu­ri­ty was crazy! The met­al de­tec­tor re­act­ed to the but­ton of my jeans, they did­n’t let me car­ry my bag, and I had to hand in my jack­et as well. They did­n’t even do that when we toured the UN build­ing!
Ger­man tourist #2: Maybe you were just racial­ly pro­filed.

–Stat­en Is­land Fer­ry

Sylvia Had­n’t Re­al­ized They Were off Stat­en Is­land.

Suit, tap­ping singing girl on the shoul­der: You sing won­der­ful­ly.
Girl: Thank you very much.
Suit: Yeah, by “won­der­ful­ly” I mean it sounds like a cat get­ting ass raped by a don­key. So I am sure that every­one else would ap­pre­ci­ate you not do­ing that any­more as it is on­ly 6 am.
(pas­sen­gers clap)

–Stat­en Is­land Fer­ry Ter­mi­nal

Re­mem­ber That Whole Strike Thing?

Guy: God damn it! Where were you? I wait­ed an hour for you to show up! Were you on a cof­fee break or what?
Bus dri­ver: Sir, that’s not pos­si­ble, the lead bus was on­ly ten min­utes ahead of me. I watched him pull out of the de­pot.
Guy: Screw you! You guys are the re­al ter­ror­ists! You’re what Home­land Se­cu­ri­ty is try­ing to pro­tect us against!

–Stat­en Is­land Fer­ry Ter­mi­nal, Stat­en Is­land