Archive for the ‘Staten Island Ferry’ Category

Sylvia Had­n’t Re­al­ized They Were off Stat­en Is­land.

Suit, tap­ping singing girl on the shoul­der: You sing won­der­ful­ly.
Girl: Thank you very much.
Suit: Yeah, by “won­der­ful­ly” I mean it sounds like a cat get­ting ass raped by a don­key. So I am sure that every­one else would ap­pre­ci­ate you not do­ing that any­more as it is on­ly 6 am.
(pas­sen­gers clap)

–Stat­en Is­land Fer­ry Ter­mi­nal

Re­mem­ber That Whole Strike Thing?

Guy: God damn it! Where were you? I wait­ed an hour for you to show up! Were you on a cof­fee break or what?
Bus dri­ver: Sir, that’s not pos­si­ble, the lead bus was on­ly ten min­utes ahead of me. I watched him pull out of the de­pot.
Guy: Screw you! You guys are the re­al ter­ror­ists! You’re what Home­land Se­cu­ri­ty is try­ing to pro­tect us against!

–Stat­en Is­land Fer­ry Ter­mi­nal, Stat­en Is­land

Ever Wish You Could Vote Tourists Off the Is­land?

French tourist, af­ter dis­cussing Amer­i­ca’s faults in the world, to Amer­i­can man: Can you take a pic­ture of us with the Stat­ue of Lib­er­ty in the back­ground?
Amer­i­can man: Ain’t she a beau­ti­ful bitch?
French tourist: Why do you say “bitch”?
Amer­i­can man: Well, she’s French. Wel­come to Amer­i­ca.

–Stat­en Is­land Fer­ry

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Ain’t Got the Mon­ey, Hon­ey

Old­er man, to no one in par­tic­u­lar: That’s why I keep my in­come low, so no one jumps me.

–Myr­tle & Clin­ton, Brook­lyn

Woman with scratch-off lot­to card to friend: I won four dol­lars! I won four dol­lars! You know I can’t spend that, though. I got­ta get food for my kids. Those nig­gas be hun­gry!

–Stat­en Is­land Fer­ry

An­gel­ic-look­ing teen girl scream­ing in­to cell: Are you com­ing to the movies with me? You’re broke? Just mug some­one on the way. Mug some­one! (pause) Mug! M‑u-g! Rhymes with “thug”!

–Cham­bers & West St

Puer­to Ri­can dude on cell: I ain’t got no mon­ey. I got weed, but I ain’t got no mon­ey.

–25th St & 7th Ave

Vil­lage la­dy: She was in fore­clo­sure be­fore it was fash­ion­able to be in fore­clo­sure.

–Bleeck­er & Mer­cer

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers’ Home­towns Were Glad to See Them Go

Brit la­dy, to MTA booth la­dy: Two adults, please. We’ll be get­ting off around 58th Street.

–14th St F sta­tion

Over­heard by: Fid­get

Tourist: Ex­cuse me, does the F train stop here?

–Sub­way sand­wich­es, Hous­ton & Lafayette

Tourist woman, loud­ly: Jeany? How many stops are we go­ing on this train?

–Times Square shut­tle

Over­heard by: nev­er­mind

Tourist: Ex­cuse me, which way is it to Up­per Town?

–Broad­way & Worth

Over­heard by: dukes

Tourist: Is this now the Grand Canyon of the East Coast?

–Ground Ze­ro

Tourist: My plane does­n’t leave for 4 hours. Can I walk to the Stat­ue of Lib­er­ty from here?

–La Guardia Air­port

Over­heard by: Jose Her­nan­dez

Tourist, lead­ing a group of more than a dozen fel­low tourists: Okay, I… um…don’t know where we are now…Oh, wait! Yes I do! We’re at the South Street Sea­port!

–Union Square

Blonde: Look, there’s the Chrysler. Look, there’s Times Square. Where’s the Em­pire State Build­ing?

–Top of Em­pire State Build­ing

Over­heard by: eng­lish­man in new york

Tourist, to deck hand: I can’t see the Stat­ue of Lib­er­ty. Would you please move the lifeboat out of the way while I take a pic­ture?

–Stat­en Is­land Fer­ry

Over­heard by: Steven Low­ell

What What (In the Wednes­day One-Lin­ers)

Drunk-look­ing girl on cell: … And I just re­ceived a post­card of butts! Things are look­ing up!

–Port Au­thor­i­ty

Over­heard by: La­dle

An­gry soc­cer mom: Who­ev­er has his or her hand on my ass, you bet­ter be one of my kids.

–Stat­en Is­land Fer­ry

Chick on cell: Ew! Ass stri­a­tions?

–1 Train

Over­heard by: La­dle

Col­lege girl: I slept at Steve’s dorm. Need­less to say, my ass cleared every sur­face he had in that room. Twice.

–Down­town B Train

Over­heard by: Po­la

Tall guy on cell: Lis­ten, if you want a white woman to show you her ass all you got­ta do is pull out a cam­era. They drop their panties in a sec­ond, at least that’s what I tell the com­mit­tee.

–Star­bucks, Colum­bus Cir­cle

Con­duc­tor over loud­speak­er: Aaaand next stop… Yo’ ma­ma’s ass!

–F Train from Queens

Over­heard by: Tina K