Archive for the ‘Statue of Liberty’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers’ Home­towns Were Glad to See Them Go

Brit la­dy, to MTA booth la­dy: Two adults, please. We’ll be get­ting off around 58th Street.

–14th St F sta­tion

Over­heard by: Fid­get

Tourist: Ex­cuse me, does the F train stop here?

–Sub­way sand­wich­es, Hous­ton & Lafayette

Tourist woman, loud­ly: Jeany? How many stops are we go­ing on this train?

–Times Square shut­tle

Over­heard by: nev­er­mind

Tourist: Ex­cuse me, which way is it to Up­per Town?

–Broad­way & Worth

Over­heard by: dukes

Tourist: Is this now the Grand Canyon of the East Coast?

–Ground Ze­ro

Tourist: My plane does­n’t leave for 4 hours. Can I walk to the Stat­ue of Lib­er­ty from here?

–La Guardia Air­port

Over­heard by: Jose Her­nan­dez

Tourist, lead­ing a group of more than a dozen fel­low tourists: Okay, I… um…don’t know where we are now…Oh, wait! Yes I do! We’re at the South Street Sea­port!

–Union Square

Blonde: Look, there’s the Chrysler. Look, there’s Times Square. Where’s the Em­pire State Build­ing?

–Top of Em­pire State Build­ing

Over­heard by: eng­lish­man in new york

Tourist, to deck hand: I can’t see the Stat­ue of Lib­er­ty. Would you please move the lifeboat out of the way while I take a pic­ture?

–Stat­en Is­land Fer­ry

Over­heard by: Steven Low­ell

Dirty, Sexy Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Young gay guy in Daisy Dukes, shades and tank top, yam­mer­ing away on cell: Is it to­tal­ly ac­cept­able to have sex on the beach there?

–43rd St & 8th Ave

Over­heard by: An­na Rose

Teen boy to friend: If I were a gi­ant I’d fuck the Stat­ue of Lib­er­ty!

–Hous­ton & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Hen­ry

Chick to friend: As soon as I get over this yeast in­fec­tion, I’m gonna bang the shit out of him.

–Mc­Don­ald’s, Times Square

Over­heard by: Keep It Movin’

Black guy on cell: Pen­e­tra­tion?! Pen­e­tra­tion?! It ain’t about pen­e­tra­tion, it’s all about sen­sa­tion.

–E 4th St

Over­heard by: girl named sug­ar

Drunk man to drunk woman, while mak­ing out against a car: Let’s just go with it…let’s just fuck on top of the car.

–Bleeck­er & Mac­dou­gal

Girl to the guy at the next ta­ble: Haven’t I slept with you be­fore?

–Stabrucks, 78th & Lex­ing­ton

Over­heard by: Ash­lee

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers See the World With Fresh Eyes

Lit­tle boy to dad: Does the Stat­ue of Lib­er­ty have a claw?

–Bat­tery Park

Lit­tle boy to moth­er: Will you hur­ry up? You’re slow­er than my aunt Jebe­di­ah in the bath­tub!

–Clark St, Brook­lyn

Four-year-old boy to moth­er: And then you fed me…from your bel­ly but­ton!

–Old Navy Store

Over­heard by: Joy­ful­ly Yours

Lit­tle boy play­ing with friend: Buenos dias, rep­tile!

–As­to­ria Park

Over­heard by: Julie & Zane

Blond six-year-old, look­ing at fa­ther’s New York­er mag­a­zine: What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell?

–Do­ma Cafe

Sev­en-year-old with Spi­der­man back­pack: Dad, have I lost my youth?

–1 Train

Lit­tle girl with pig­tails, run­ning to sit with fam­i­ly: We’re go­ing to the dark side!

–Sheep Mead­ow, Cen­tral Park

We’re All Nine Meals Away from Be­ing Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Black hobo to rush-hour crowd: So, did ya’ hear now Oba­ma’s pres­i­dent they gonna tear down the Stat­ue of Lib­er­ty? Yeah, they gonna put up a new statue–one o’ Aunt Jemi­ma!”

–Shut­tle Train GCT

Over­heard by: Mrs. But­ter­worth

Hobo: Hey, kids! I wish I was a kid again. Then I’d have a hun­dred mil­lion dol­lars!

–Hen­ry St, Brook­lyn Heights

Over­heard by: Jesse

Hobo to clerk: Don’t wor­ry, ba­by, I’ll take care of the Gaza Strip.

–Deli, 45th & 3rd

Over­heard by: LP

Hobo to girl with box­ing gloves at­tached to her back­pack: Hi, there! Give a lit­tle mon­ey to help the home­less? (si­lence) I’ll take any­thing but a punch in the face!

–As­tor & Lafayette

Over­heard by: An­di C.

Shout­ing hobo: The fam­i­ly that scratch­es their butts to­geth­er has smelly fin­gers!

–34th St & 3rd Ave

Over­heard by: Kramer

Hobo cross­ing street and push­ing shop­ping cart: Hi ho Sil­ver!

–23rd St & Park Ave

36 Cham­bers of Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Home­girl on cell: You live in Stat­en Is­land, that’s too close to the wilder­ness, near the bor­der. I am not emo­tion­al­ly ready to meet you in Stat­en Is­land.

–LIRR

Suit: He’s from Stat­en Is­land. That my Grace­land.

–53rd & 6th

Over­heard by: The Sock

Asian chick: What is that fruit called? Duri­an? That thing stinks so bad! It stinks like Stat­en Is­land bad!

–G Train

Over­heard by: pa­co

Girl #1: In how many stops do we get off?
Girl #2: [Blank stare.]

–Stat­en Is­land Fer­ry

Con­duc­tor: Ladies and gen­tle­men, the next stop is South Fer­ry. From there, you can go to the won­der­ful Bat­tery Park, go see the beau­ti­ful Stat­ue of Lib­er­ty… Or go to Stat­en Is­land.

–1 Train

Over­heard by: Smar­low

My An­ti-Drug? Be­ing a Re­tard

Girl #1: For our next trip, my par­ents want to go on a cruise to Alas­ka.
Girl #2: Oh my god, no! Haven’t you seen the Ti­tan­ic?
Girl #1: I know, right? Plus, it’s cold. I mean look at March of the Pen­guins. They die there.

–F train

Queer: So some stranger just ap­proached me and asked me to fuck her and her hus­band on Stat­en Island…Wait, it was El­lis Is­land. Yeah, she want­ed me to fuck with the Stat­ue of Lib­er­ty.
Hag: Oh, that’s too bad. Stat­en Is­land is nice.

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Tina L.